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archelyxs —
Heartmind
Published: 2012-04-24 20:23:00 +0000 UTC; Views: 5075; Favourites: 206; Downloads: 520
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Description
We lost electricity on the night you left meand I spent the night curled up against the rain,
drinking in the slack of damp green winds
in our treasured driftwood home of mist.
I had to come to think of time
as a medium and my thoughts as
imperfect and cursive. It was a wrinkled medium,
a mediocrity of sunken breath: words condensing
into droplets that so contorted my teary lenses
that I couldn't tell that you were turning towards me
with a sound, the sound a book makes
when its leaves are rustled against the grain.
Tonight my body lingers on the edge of the ocean
like a gasp; New Jersey's throaty highways
bear my rosefelt thoughts and I can't miss them
like I miss the cradle of the river,
like I miss the firm grip of the circular,
like I miss the existential faith we had in nature
and her artistic lover to take us home.
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Comments: 86
Thank you. Critique away, be my guest!! This is one of those extremely rare poems that just poured out of me after class one day... god I miss this. The first lines need to be there to establish the rhythm and I really can't imagine this poem working without them -- I mean, this poem is an experiment in rhythm that happened organically and so I left it -- the first four lines have a lazy stressed-unstressed thing going on, the middle section is basically prose with line breaks, and the last four lines with the anaphoric repetition? I don't really see any other explanation for why it's enjoyable (and I think it is - I never get tired of reading this one); the first image in the second stanza is a keeper but the rest is a bit cliche and dispensible, I think? Not that I would change it. I don't think I can change anything about this poem anymore, haha.
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Three DDs? Man have I got some catching up to do. Well done indeed.
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You have a way of writing things so deep and beautiful that I can't form the words to express how they make me feel.
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...New Jersey's throaty highways
bear my rosefelt thoughts and I can't miss them
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I love the last five lines...they wrap it up perfectly
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Thank you! (that's my favorite part too!)
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Time is a medium, yes: but it weakens as it recedes, stealing memory and sapping emotions away. Only sometimes, it does the exact opposite.
Congratulations on a heartfelt and well-deserved DD. (And, speaking as a native Lawn Guylander: thank gawd you're not Snooki! 
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So beautiful. Thank you so much!!
And yes, I'm the worst person ever because I'm from LI and NJ. I lived in Suffolk County until I was 12.
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Loved this lines... so poetic....
I spent the night curled up against the rain,
Tonight my body lingers on the edge of the ocean
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An interesting pattern, as well as an overall enthralling read. This is a great piece of literature! Keep up the good work :3
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Haha it stands for Daily Deviation!
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Aw, thank so much, love!
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Chirp, congrats on the DD, it's been twittered.
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Such imagery~ I can just feel myself getting lost in this emotional picture you've painted, but it's as perfectly open to interpretation as poetry should be.
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You and these comments- I can barely keep up! Thank you very much!
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You're so welcome. /^w^\ Just speaking my mind~
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the imagery paints pictures that steal my breath. This is what I love about poetry. Funny to see my home state of NJ mentioned 
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Hell yeah Jersey! Which town?
I feel like I'm always trying to convince people that Jersey doesn't suck. Here people. Here's a poem about Jersey.
Thanks so much!
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I live in Hawthorne, NJ...in Passaic County.
I too always defend Jersey.
*throws index finger into the air* "We're not all fist pumping, gambino, trashmouth's 'round here! Some of us are poets..." lol
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Ah, that's far away. I live on the shore when I'm not at college. It's great. Always explaining to people that I'm not Snooki.
When people say that, I say [link]
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YES!!! Mr. Ginsberg!! Nice!
I go to Wildwood every summer for a week. And I've got a good friend and fellow poet in Brick
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Oh no way. I've only been to Wildwood once. It's pretty far away from where I am. And I've gotten lost in Brick, but I've never spent too much time there.
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Yeah it's three hours away from me, but we make the trip because the beaches are the cleanest and they are free.
Crazy that you're from NJ!!!
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Jersey is the best. I missed it lots and lots.
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ahh, so you've returned?
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Yeah, I get to spend the next three months here. It was weird when I realised that in going home for the summer I was also going to the shore and it's awesome.
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nice! What are you studying in college?
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