HOME | DD

Description
Black, black, everything is black. I can’t see in front of me.

I reach out for him, searching, hoping. He must still be here, but no.

Where did he go?

I stumble forward a step, and then another. I must find him. But everything is black, black as can be. What happened to all the pretty lights? It needs to come back so I can see, see my way to him.

Find him, I must find him. My only goal is to find him. I grasp out at air, but nothing is there. I can’t even find a wall.

I’m blind, groping around in the dark. He was here a second ago, I swear he was. We were face to face, staring at each other. But how could he just vanish?

I can’t find a thing, surely I would trip on something at this point, maybe find a wall, find something to hold on to. But there’s nothing, just nothing, only empty, cold air, everywhere.

I start to sob. Fear is cloaking me and hot tears are running down my face and I start to scream his name. But there’s still nothing anywhere. So I run, and run. I want to trip, to know something, anything, is there. But I don’t trip, I just keep going.

We were only in a small room, the room he was so excited to show me, our hidden space. Yet now there seems to be endless space around me.

I try to scream his name again, and the sound echoes. Once my scream fades away, the utter black, terrifying silence engulfs me once again.

I scream over and over, again and again. But it does nothing. His name won’t bring him to me like I hoped it would.

I curl up on the floor, rocking and crying. I whisper to myself to keep the deathly quiet away, whisper his name, words I wish to say to him, meanings only he would know. I say anything that might bring him to me. Our inside jokes, our memories. Anything I can think of that has to do with him. He must come back, come to me. I can’t handle a moment of this awful black, another moment. I’m going to burst.

My voice is hoarse, I’m rambling. I’ve been here forever. I don’t think it will go away. I don’t think I’ll ever escape.

There’s a light, where is the light coming from? But I can’t look, my eyes are shut tight. I’ve given up by now; I know nothing can save me. He could, but I don’t think he knows I’m gone. I’ve decided that must be it, because he would always come to save me, unless he didn’t know I needed to be saved. Maybe he’d realize someday, but by then I know I’ll be gone. It won’t matter. It won’t make a difference.

But the light is so bright; I can see it through my closed eyelids. I must try to get up, open my eyes that are sealed shut with dry tears from what must be years of my cries. Maybe there is a door open out of here. But I guess it doesn’t matter anymore, I’m too far gone to move, to do anything. I’m done; I just want to fade away.

But I can’t, because I hear his voice.

It’s so clear, he’s saying my name. Ah, I love it when he does that. He sounds like heaven right now. So I know I am fading away.

But he’s upset; I hear it in his voice. What’s this? Is he crying? Is that what I hear?

Yes.

He’s crying.

He can’t cry, I can’t let him cry, I won’t let him cry.

No crying, okay? You hear me, no crying.

But he doesn’t stop crying. Maybe I’m not talking out loud. I’ll try again.

You can’t cry, it’s not right; you need to always be happy. Smile, laugh, joke, tease, and be happy. No crying.

No! He won’t stop, why won’t he listen to me? Fine! I’ll just have to go and make him stop this. I wrench my eyes open.

There’s a door. In the blackness, there’s a glow coming from a shape that looks like a door.

I’m standing, and I wonder how that happened, because I know I don’t have the energy to stand. But here I am, standing. Okay then, let’s walk legs. Move. One step, another step, and another one, there you go, I think you’re starting to get the hang of this, legs. Poor things haven’t been used in a long time.

I look up from my legs.

Oh, I’m at the door. I look through the blinding white. I guess my eyes got used to the dark, because now the white hurts my eyes. Oh well, I’ll have to deal with it because I still hear him crying, and it’s coming from the other side of the white glow.

And then he says my name. No, he sobs my name. And then he doesn’t stop saying it, over and over again. I can’t take it! I have to get to him! I lung through the white light, through the gaping white door.

Into blackness again…

I shudder, gasping. I can’t get air! What’s happening! I need air.

I get air; I suck it in, loving the searing pain of it raking my throat. Finally, I feel something! Pain! It makes me want to cry with joy. But I remember my tears dried up a long time ago while I was in the blackness and I’ll never cry again. But that’s ok with me, because I’m still in the blackness, so I’m still doomed, still fading. Yep, no doubt about it, I’m too weak to move again. Too weak to even left my hand again.

“Cynthia! Did you see that? She twitched! And she took a breath, on her own!”

Oh, no. He must be fading, too! I can’t let that happen! He needs to stay away from the darkness!

My eyes fly open.

Wait… It’s not dark anymore. Where am I?

My eyes search. And then I see him.

And something is happening. I’m crying. Wait, I thought I couldn’t cry anymore. But I am. So many tears are fighting to get out of me first. They blind me, I can’t see him now. I gasp again. I try to move my hands, to wipe away these stupid, annoying tears that are in my way of seeing his beautiful face. But I can’t move my hands! This is so frustrating!

So he does it for me, he wipes away my tears. I think I’m in his lap. That’s what the angle looks like anyway. He’s cradling my face. Tears of his own are running down his face. His sandy hair is a huge mess. He’s all red around his light hazel eyes. I want to laugh about his hair, though; he never lets it get this bad. But I don’t know how to laugh, and I don’t have enough air, or strength.

But my strength is failing, again. Now I really can’t get air in me, at all.

I know I’m about to leave, but I’m not afraid. I saw him again. So I turn every last bit of me and my energy to make my last move. I reach up and grab his hair, pull his face down to mine, kiss him as hard as I can.

My. First. Kiss.

I guess he knows how I feel about him now. But I need to make sure he knows before I leave. I tell him, what I’ve been trying to say for a long time now.

Adam, I love you.

His eyes bug wide, and he opens his mouth to speak. I never find out what he’s going to say… I truly fade away. I sink down, down, down. I know I was on his lap, but that’s gone now, and so is he. And so am I.

Description
Black, black, everything is black. I can’t see in front of me.

I reach out for him, searching, hoping. He must still be here, but no.

Where did he go?

I stumble forward a step, and then another. I must find him. But everything is black, black as can be. What happened to all the pretty lights? It needs to come back so I can see, see my way to him.

Find him, I must find him. My only goal is to find him. I grasp out at air, but nothing is there. I can’t even find a wall.

I’m blind, groping around in the dark. He was here a second ago, I swear he was. We were face to face, staring at each other. But how could he just vanish?

I can’t find a thing, surely I would trip on something at this point, maybe find a wall, find something to hold on to. But there’s nothing, just nothing, only empty, cold air, everywhere.

I start to sob. Fear is cloaking me and hot tears are running down my face and I start to scream his name. But there’s still nothing anywhere. So I run, and run. I want to trip, to know something, anything, is there. But I don’t trip, I just keep going.

We were only in a small room, the room he was so excited to show me, our hidden space. Yet now there seems to be endless space around me.

I try to scream his name again, and the sound echoes. Once my scream fades away, the utter black, terrifying silence engulfs me once again.

I scream over and over, again and again. But it does nothing. His name won’t bring him to me like I hoped it would.

I curl up on the floor, rocking and crying. I whisper to myself to keep the deathly quiet away, whisper his name, words I wish to say to him, meanings only he would know. I say anything that might bring him to me. Our inside jokes, our memories. Anything I can think of that has to do with him. He must come back, come to me. I can’t handle a moment of this awful black, another moment. I’m going to burst.

My voice is hoarse, I’m rambling. I’ve been here forever. I don’t think it will go away. I don’t think I’ll ever escape.

There’s a light, where is the light coming from? But I can’t look, my eyes are shut tight. I’ve given up by now; I know nothing can save me. He could, but I don’t think he knows I’m gone. I’ve decided that must be it, because he would always come to save me, unless he didn’t know I needed to be saved. Maybe he’d realize someday, but by then I know I’ll be gone. It won’t matter. It won’t make a difference.

But the light is so bright; I can see it through my closed eyelids. I must try to get up, open my eyes that are sealed shut with dry tears from what must be years of my cries. Maybe there is a door open out of here. But I guess it doesn’t matter anymore, I’m too far gone to move, to do anything. I’m done; I just want to fade away.

But I can’t, because I hear his voice.

It’s so clear, he’s saying my name. Ah, I love it when he does that. He sounds like heaven right now. So I know I am fading away.

But he’s upset; I hear it in his voice. What’s this? Is he crying? Is that what I hear?

Yes.

He’s crying.

He can’t cry, I can’t let him cry, I won’t let him cry.

No crying, okay? You hear me, no crying.

But he doesn’t stop crying. Maybe I’m not talking out loud. I’ll try again.

You can’t cry, it’s not right; you need to always be happy. Smile, laugh, joke, tease, and be happy. No crying.

No! He won’t stop, why won’t he listen to me? Fine! I’ll just have to go and make him stop this. I wrench my eyes open.

There’s a door. In the blackness, there’s a glow coming from a shape that looks like a door.

I’m standing, and I wonder how that happened, because I know I don’t have the energy to stand. But here I am, standing. Okay then, let’s walk legs. Move. One step, another step, and another one, there you go, I think you’re starting to get the hang of this, legs. Poor things haven’t been used in a long time.

I look up from my legs.

Oh, I’m at the door. I look through the blinding white. I guess my eyes got used to the dark, because now the white hurts my eyes. Oh well, I’ll have to deal with it because I still hear him crying, and it’s coming from the other side of the white glow.

And then he says my name. No, he sobs my name. And then he doesn’t stop saying it, over and over again. I can’t take it! I have to get to him! I lung through the white light, through the gaping white door.

Into blackness again…

I shudder, gasping. I can’t get air! What’s happening! I need air.

I get air; I suck it in, loving the searing pain of it raking my throat. Finally, I feel something! Pain! It makes me want to cry with joy. But I remember my tears dried up a long time ago while I was in the blackness and I’ll never cry again. But that’s ok with me, because I’m still in the blackness, so I’m still doomed, still fading. Yep, no doubt about it, I’m too weak to move again. Too weak to even left my hand again.

“Cynthia! Did you see that? She twitched! And she took a breath, on her own!”

Oh, no. He must be fading, too! I can’t let that happen! He needs to stay away from the darkness!

My eyes fly open.

Wait… It’s not dark anymore. Where am I?

My eyes search. And then I see him.

And something is happening. I’m crying. Wait, I thought I couldn’t cry anymore. But I am. So many tears are fighting to get out of me first. They blind me, I can’t see him now. I gasp again. I try to move my hands, to wipe away these stupid, annoying tears that are in my way of seeing his beautiful face. But I can’t move my hands! This is so frustrating!

So he does it for me, he wipes away my tears. I think I’m in his lap. That’s what the angle looks like anyway. He’s cradling my face. Tears of his own are running down his face. His sandy hair is a huge mess. He’s all red around his light hazel eyes. I want to laugh about his hair, though; he never lets it get this bad. But I don’t know how to laugh, and I don’t have enough air, or strength.

But my strength is failing, again. Now I really can’t get air in me, at all.

I know I’m about to leave, but I’m not afraid. I saw him again. So I turn every last bit of me and my energy to make my last move. I reach up and grab his hair, pull his face down to mine, kiss him as hard as I can.

My. First. Kiss.

I guess he knows how I feel about him now. But I need to make sure he knows before I leave. I tell him, what I’ve been trying to say for a long time now.

Adam, I love you.

His eyes bug wide, and he opens his mouth to speak. I never find out what he’s going to say… I truly fade away. I sink down, down, down. I know I was on his lap, but that’s gone now, and so is he. And so am I.