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Harlequinbeautie — Twilighters Make me LAUGH
Published: 2009-09-08 22:28:11 +0000 UTC; Views: 4725; Favourites: 55; Downloads: 21
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WARNING: THIS MIGHT OPEN YOUR EYES AND MAKE YOU FACE REALITY!An obsessed twilighter tries to make Voice of Sanity- A.KA VOS see why twilight is so amazing. Be warned; Voice of Sanity can be cruelly honest and overbearingly sarcastic.
Twilighter: Edward Cullen is so hawt! I’m going to marry him!!
VOS: So Stephenie Meyer liked to inform me every other sentence. And good luck with that. No really.
Twilighter:Bella loves Edward so much!
VOS: What the hell is wrong with this chick, honestly? Her head must have been so damn empty before meeting Edward since he’s literally all she thinks about. Personally, I think she needs help.
Twilighter: Edward has always been watching her cuz he like loves her so much! How KEEE-YUUTEE!!
VOS: Stalking is illegal in all fifty states.
Twilighter: Edward loves Bella so much!
VOS: Edward fit’s the profile of a mentally and emotionally abusive boyfriend down to the T. How is that romantic? Fucking tosser.
Twilighter: Twilight is just as- if not more- romantic then Romeo and Juliet.
VOS: You. Are. Offically. An. Idiot. Did you actually even read that play? It wasn’t even a romance. It’s a tragedy. It’s about their stupidity not their love life. I can take a wild guess that you didn’t pass English. And for a moment I thought you couldn’t be any more stupid. Ha. Ha.
Twilighter: Edward is the hottest, sexiest vampire alive!
VOS: Hmm…no fangs, drinks animal blood, can control his blood lust, practically invincible, sparkles; That’s not a vampire. That’s a…a…a…actually I don’t even know what the hell that is. You’re a disgrace to humanity for thinking that is a vampire. Go fucking kill yourself. For all our sakes.
Twilighter: Edward is so pure! He’s a virgin AND he waits until they are married before doing her!
VOS: Oh I don’t believe this shit. Just die already.
Twilighter: It’s so cute that Jacob fell in love with Bella’s baby!!
VOS: ………..Are you a serious? You’re joking right? This has to be joke. Jacob is officially a member of The Werewolf Pedophile/ Child Rapists Association of America. That’s not cute. That sick. And disturbing. I needed my brain cleaned after reading that. You scare me.
Twilighter: Twilight is so ROMANTIC!!
VOS Why the hell are you throwing that in my face again? Listen. It’s a romance based completely off lust and smell. There is no way they fell in love with each others personalities considering the fact that they have none. I mean god that’s just creepy.
Twilighter: Twilight is so complex!
VOS: How can you kill a poor tree to create 400 some pages of plot-less crap? This is Twilight. Watch how quick I sum it up;
Bella becomes obsessed with an asshole whose eyes change color.
Edward saves Bella from being crushed by a car.
She realizes Edward is a vampire.
She faints after being kissed.
They play baseball.
She gets her leg broken by a sadistic vampire.
They go to prom.
Wow I just summed twilight up in like seven sentences. Wow. Just wow. That’s fucking complex. Mind blowing. The back of a cereal box has more of a plot than twilight. And I can eat what’s inside of it. Cereal box PWNS twilight. Hands down. AND sometimes I get a free toy. So screw you twilight.
Twilighter: Stephenie Meyer’s is the best writer ever!!! Like OMG!!
VOS: *Shakes head sadly* And I bet you think the Jonas Brothers actually play rock music. Die bitch. Seriously. Just. Die.
Twilighter: OMG I HATE YOU BITCH FOR NOT LIKING TWILIGHT! LET ME THROW ACID IN YOUR FACE AND STAB YOU AND BREAK YOUR BONES AND WATCH ME STALK GUYS THAT I THINK ARE EDWARD AND I MIGHT EVEN COMMIT SUICIDE!
VOS: Just because I enjoy a good case of irony please beat yourself to death with a copy of twilight. But wait until my popcorn is done. Watching you be an idiot makes me hungry.
You lose.
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Comments: 139
Hey at least the Jonas brothers don't sparkle!
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I love you for posting this. Seriously, you are awesome.
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(hugs you with all her strenght)
*sniff* Thank you. Seriously. Somebody just HAD to do that.
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HaHaHa, down with Twilight! *Laughs Insanely*
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meanwhile...i'm writing a legit vampire book, which blatently parodies twilight
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Logical argument is the natural enemy of twidiots. XD
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"The Werewolf Pedophile/ Child Rapists Association of America. That’s not cute. That sick. And disturbing. I needed my brain cleaned after reading that. You scare me."
I LOL'D.
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I...I almost puked...Twitards are disturbing and srsly need to read a real vamp book like Dracula. It just makes me sick to see our literary world crumble into dust like this...
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The fact that the Twilighter didn't change must've made this whole thing felt like you were banging your head against a wall.
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KUDOS!! I thought the book was crap months before the movie was even out! My high school friends tried to shove the darn thing down my throat.
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I still can't believe people actually think that Tw*****t counts as vampire literature 
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I totally would prefer living with Navi than meeting Edward, if you know what I mean. He's worse than any fairy.
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In response to the sixth VOS, i usaualy say, "He lives in the forest, hunts with his bare hands and sparkles in the sun. Face it, honey, he's not a vampire he's a fairy.
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um, you're officially my best friend!
twilight sucks xP
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I really can't say anymore than "This is amazing". I wish twihards would be able to see how dumb they are being...The world would be a much better place. I mean really? 
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lol why thank you! I do wish they could see how dumb they're being as well. It's kinda freakin me out. But I do agree...they don't have much of a brain...I mean they think Twilight is top notch literature after all
Thanks again
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edward couldn't read bella's mind because their's nothing it it. I dated a guy who loved the whole twilight thing. he was bisexual... it made think like this
hm my bf loves twilight and has a little fluffy cat i must be a female impersonator because he's gay.
as my hero craig ferguson says that's not a vampire that's your gay friend!
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Okay, um...I was a Twilight fan a couple years ago(See: my fail username).
If you haven't been exposed to it at all - positive OR negative reviews included - you don't expect anything. And when you're only 12 or 13, you have trouble deciding for yourself what good literature is. (Please don't go "But *I* could tell when I was that old!" This is personal experience.) You fall for the silly "plot" or the hot fictional guys (In my case, it was option A...I'm not sure which is worse) and you fangirl, because that's the natural response a kid has to something they like.
Please be patient; we're young, we make mistakees. Some of the fans grow out of it and go on to lead semi-sensible, Les Miserables-reading lives, and some of them are idiots. But it's their choice.
You can't always tell the difference between the crazy fans and the misled children, so it's best to be gentle. Violence will get you nowhere.
Thank you.
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Point made.
Though I would like to say that at 12 and 13 I was reading books like Jane Eyre and Pride and Prejudice. At that age I wouldn't have even touched a book such as Twilight because personally I don't think that the series is even age appropriate for children under 15 at the YOUNGEST.
Also please don't use age as an excuse for anything.
And when it comes to violence...a more passive person you won't meet 
And not to mention I think I was somewhere in the area of 14 when I first read Twilight. I wasn't impressed. Not by a long shot. So I did not 'fangirl' over the stupid plot, creepy/cheesy romance and underdeveloped characters.
And if physically harming people, and verbally harrassing them is now considered a 'natural response' to something they like, then I'm really glad I'm almost done being a teenager.
It just upsets me that there are so many other BETTER books in this world that don't use over fancy words and metaphors that don't even make sense, and said books arn't 'superfical' enough to meet the lowerd standards of todays youth.
As I stated in the artist comments, this was for laughs and thats pretty much it. Anti-twilighters can appreciate it, especially ones like me who get flammed constantly by Twitards on their writing for no reason. It's enough to send someone up a wall.
Anyways wrapping this up- Thank you for commenting and sharing your opinion in a nice way 
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Of course there are better books! I came to Dracula through Twilight around 12, and to the Phantom of the Opera book through Dracula a couple months later, and Les Miserables through Phantom a few months after that. They were all wonderful books and much more satisfying than Twilight, but I wouldn't have found any of them without it. So that's something good it did.
Hey, I read Pride and Prejudice at 13 too! High-fvie!
O.o You must have been over-exposed to the crazy-fans, because my definition of fangirling is enjoying something you like by talking about it with friends and reading other people's fanfics, though not necessarily making your own. I never harrassed anybody, and I used proper grammar, spelling and capitalization.
Thanks for being a nice person - I was worried because just as there are Twi-hards who are actually this crazy, there are also extremely nasty Twilight-haters who will rip you to shreds for saying that you don't mind other people liking Twilight.
What a delicate balance we walk...
Thank you for the response.
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ha Mr. Darcy owns!
And overexposed is a serious understatment. I'm not one of those anti-twilighters that go out of their way to flame twilight crap; I don't roll that way. But I do write the occasional rant and leave it at that. Usually if people hate on it, I ignore them. *cough* It's not like they're going to win any verbal battle against me anyways*cough* *cough*
And yeah, I can understand why people are DRAWN to the book...but why the mass hysteria...that's beyond me. Like it yeah okay, whatever. But why the obsession? I don't think I've ever really obsessed over ANYTHING before like that in my life...
Except chocolate .__.
And such a delicate balance indeed. But I think part of acting mature and grown up is being able to get over differing opinion's and still get along
And thanks for saying I'm a nice person I don't get that a whole lot
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I was always a Bingley girl... He was so adorably courteous. :3
I obsess over several things, most of them novels at least a century old. I also obsess over US states, which you'd be able to tell fairly quickly if you sifted through my gallery. (Illinois~)
I don't quite understand it either - I was a very mellow fangirl. "Yay, Twilight! Okay, let's go look at that set of paintbrushes now. 
Getting along is fun!
You seem nice to me :/ ... Maybe the people who think you're not nice don'ttalk things over with you calmly?
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Ha...well okay I am a little obsessive over books...I mean I do kind of freak out if something happens to them, and I like rock music a lot. Period.
And yes I did actually go through some of your gallery and noticed the U.S state thing...might I ask why the obsession?
And ha I don't mean that people say I'm MEAN I just mean that it's something people don't really notice or comment on. But thank you
(and yes I do agree Bingly was awesome and mega cute in the movie! As an actor I love that guy...though I can't tell you what his name was. .___. and talking about Jane Austin did you see the the movie Becoming Jane? Because if not I tell you it was hackin awesome.)
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The US States thing is beacause I'm in the Iammatthewian Project [link] , which is a Canadian Provinces thing. I ended up having to make an Illinois character for the project, and things got a bit out of hand. Louisiana and Texas (not drawn yet...) were actually designed by other artists in the project, and I'm not designing ALL the states. ( But I am drawing them... >>
Sadly, I have not. 
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It's interesting when something that starts off as a project ends up being like...a life long hobby or interest. That's what happened with me and photoshop. Was doing something for school and next thing I knew I was addicted.
And thanks for the watch!
As you can see I watched you back
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Yay! New friends can be made by bonding over Jane Austen and lack of appreciation for crazy Twilight fans!
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And the world is a happy place.
Can't wait to see what else we have in common!
0_0 that sounded kind of strange
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'S okay, I don't think you're a creeper...Yet. >>
But it was nice meeting you! I'm glad I commented on this piece!
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Ha...don't worry I wont turn creepy unless you're like an incrediably hot emo/modelish looking guy who dresses something like a vampire.
Then yes. Beware.
And I'm glad you commented too! I like meeting new people over DA. It fun talking to other people who are 'artistic' so to speak as well.
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How bout a tall blue-eyed blonde wearing brightly coloured ankle length skirts and irish dance t-shirts who is super-pale because her skin doesn't form melanin properly and walks into walls a lot because she can't see without her contacts?
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Uh...well I like the tall part, but blondes don't really do anything for me considering I'm super blonde myself, hmm Irish dance t-shirts could be cool. And I'm super pale myself since my dad was like 1/4 albino so nothingg new thereee. And the wall thing...well...no comment.
I'm sorry all in all, not my type of stalking material.
We're better off friends.
BUT HEY! If I find someone whose looking to stalk somebody with your requirments I'll be sure to send him your way.
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Oh well, it was clearly not meant to be. :/
Thank you! Guy or girl, I do not discriminate the gender of my stalker.
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It's so sad but I'm sure there is a stalker out there for everyone!
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I will keep hoping! Surely somebody will want a half-blind, sunburned dancer!
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of course they would!
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no idea what we were talking about but I will assume that yes,
no one would not.
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Unless, of course, Noone is Someone, in which case we wouldn't know whether or not Noone would not, would we?
...Okay, I just confused myself.
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oh my head is spinning
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So's mine. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT'S GOING ON!
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PERHAPS WE WERE TALKING ABOUT HERMIT CRABS?
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