HOME | DD
barnabus —
Afterlife
Published: 2004-12-06 06:45:57 +0000 UTC; Views: 15116; Favourites: 327; Downloads: 1258
Redirect to original
Description
A desert road.A body lies on the road. SAM is sitting on it. It is his corpse. He gets up. Looks at the body, and looks at himself. He feels himself for fat. He goes stage LEFT. As he reaches the end, he stops. He then goes stage RIGHT. He stops. He looks out toward the audience. He goes upstage. He goes downstage. Finally, he glumly takes a seat on his body again and sighs heavily with his chin in both hands, elbows on his knees. He stares at the ground and takes no notice of his surroundings.
Enter CHARON, stage RIGHT. He is wearing simple brown robes and a walking staff. Middle-aged and balding. He drags his feet, hunched over and head down, like someone who has been on his feet for a long time. Noticing SAM, he straightens himself. He takes a scroll from his side and inspects it. Then he looks at SAM. Satisfied, he puts the scroll back and walks over to SAM. He stands there briefly, who is still unaware of CHARON’s presence. .
CHARON. Are you Sam?
[SAM is startled. He looks CHARON up and down.]
SAM. Yes.
CHARON. Good.
CHARON sits down and stretches his legs.
We can leave in a moment.
Pause.
SAM. What happens now?
CHARON. We sit.
SAM. Is that part of the grand plan?
CHARON. The what?
SAM. The grand celestial plan. Sitting here.
CHARON. No.
SAM. Oh.
Pause.
Then why...
CHARON. You died in the middle of nowhere and I had to walk here. That's why. You have eternity ahead of you, no need to rush into things.
Pause.
SAM. Who are you?
CHARON. I am the ferryman. I ferry the dead.
SAM. I don't see a ferry.
CHARON. No, you don't. We have to walk to the ferry.
SAM. Couldn't you have brought a car?
CHARON. I'm not the chauffeur. I'm the ferryman.
SAM. But we're in the desert.
CHARON. I'll worry about the how. You can worry about the where.
SAM. Where is the where?
CHARON. Somewhere.
SAM. But where?
CHARON. Possibly anywhere.
Pause. CHARON pulls out another scroll, along with a pencil and reading glasses.
SAM. What's that?
CHARON. A preference test.
SAM. For what?
CHARON. No, for where.
Pause.
Did you die gloriously in battle?
SAM looks at his corpse.
SAM. I don't think so.
CHARON. Valhalla is out of the picture.
SAM. What would I have done in Valhalla?
CHARON. Get drunk and fight.
SAM. I don't think I could handle that.
CHARON. Ok.
SAM. The sight of blood always made me squeamish.
Pause.
Maybe it's for the best.
CHARON. Maybe.
SAM. What's next?
CHARON. Reincarnation.
SAM. What are my options?
CHARON. Moss and mould.
SAM. ...What kind of moss?
CHARON. Buxbaumia aphylla.
SAM considers it.
SAM. No.
CHARON makes a check mark on the scroll.
CHARON. Sacrificed any lambs to Zeus lately?
SAM. Not that I recall.
CHARON. Why not?
SAM. I guess I kept putting it off.
CHARON makes a check mark.
CHARON. What about Satan?
SAM. No. We didn't have much of a relationship, really.
CHARON. That's ok, he wouldn't mind.
SAM. Where is he again?
CHARON. Hell.
SAM. Oh yeah, that place. Is it big?
CHARON. Nine levels.
SAM. Keep going.
CHARON. Have you ever been baptized?
SAM. I don’t know. I don't really remember it.
CHARON. Well, you might be eligible for the first level.
SAM. First level?
CHARON. The non-baptized and virtuous. Basically a big field where everyone sullenly mopes around. Are you a nature person?
SAM. I guess so. But that sounds kind of depressing.
CHARON. It is.
SAM. Never mind then.
CHARON. Level two is an eternal tempest on a sea full of krakens.
SAM. I get seasick easily.
CHARON. We can say no to that, too.
SAM. Where is Satan specifically?
CHARON. The ninth level.
SAM. What's that like?
CHARON. Pretty cold.
SAM. No. No, I don't think Hell will suit me at all.
CHARON. Fair enough. What about Heaven?
SAM. The other place?
CHARON. Yes.
SAM. What's there?
CHARON. God.
SAM. What else?
CHARON. That's about it.
SAM. That sucks.
CHARON. Some people like it.
SAM. Some people like a lot of things.
CHARON. A lot of people like some things.
SAM. Are we a lot of people?
They look around.
CHARON. It doesn’t look like it.
SAM. I don’t want to take the risk.
CHARON. No Heaven, then.
Pause.
CHARON. Let's take a break.
SAM. Sure.
CHARON pockets his glasses. Pause.
SAM. My name is Sam.
CHARON. I know.
SAM. I didn’t introduce myself.
CHARON. You did just now.
SAM. Before, I mean.
CHARON. Before when?
SAM. Before I introduced myself.
Pause.
SAM. Well?
CHARON. Yes?
SAM. Are you going to introduce yourself?
CHARON. Why?
SAM. I don’t know your name.
CHARON. Why do you want to know my name?
SAM. It’s the nice thing to do.
CHARON. I am the ferryman.
SAM. That’s not your name.
CHARON. Why not?
SAM. It’s your job.
CHARON. Why can’t it be my name?
SAM. Maybe if you said it like it had capital letters.
CHARON [with emphasis] . I am The Ferryman.
SAM. That sounds a bit pompous.
CHARON. I didn’t make fun of your name.
SAM. I don’t think we’re making much progress.
CHARON. Why don’t you just ask?
SAM. I thought I did.
CHARON. No you didn’t. You just asked me if I was going to introduce myself.
SAM. What’s your name?
CHARON. Charon.
Pause.
What is it?
SAM. I was expecting something more grandiose.
CHARON. Why?
SAM. It took so long to get it out of you. Could you attach a title to it?
CHARON. I am Charon, The Ferryman.
SAM. Much better! It’s a pleasure to meet you.
They go to shake hands. CHARON extends his left. SAM extends his right. CHARON switches to his right, and SAM to his left. CHARON to the left, SAM to the right.
SAM. Forget it. I can never remember these social niceties.
CHARON. Neither can I.
SAM. I must confess, I’ve never been very social.
CHARON. Neither have I.
SAM. I guess that’s why I’m out here.
CHARON. What were you doing?
SAM. Walking.
CHARON. Were you planning to die?
SAM. No, that just happened along the way.
Pause.
[looking at the corpse] What happens to this?
CHARON. It just lies there.
SAM. Does it do anything?
CHARON. It rots.
SAM. That’s not very impressive.
CHARON. It’s not meant to be. It doesn’t matter what happens to it. It’s what happens to you.
SAM. What happens to me?
CHARON. We haven’t decided yet.
SAM. What else is there, then?
CHARON [looking over the scroll] . Not a lot, to be honest.
SAM [pointing stage RIGHT]. What about over there?
CHARON. What about it?
SAM. Can I stay there?
CHARON. What’s so special about it?
SAM. I don’t know. It’s not here.
CHARON. It’s the same thing as here.
SAM. Let me check.
SAM exits stage RIGHT. He re-enters after a count of five.
CHARON. How was it?
SAM. I like it better here.
CHARON. You need to go somewhere, you know.
SAM. I know.
Pause.
SAM. What was in the other levels of Hell?
CHARON. Unspeakable pain and eternal suffering.
SAM. Good or bad?
CHARON. Bad.
SAM. In your opinion.
CHARON. In my opinion.
SAM. What about Heaven?
CHARON. It’s pretty popular.
SAM. I think I’ll try that out after all.
CHARON. Heaven it is.
CHARON makes a mark on his scroll and puts it back on his belt.
Let’s go.
They move stage LEFT, when suddenly CHARON stops, uncertain. He looks around.
SAM. What is it?
CHARON. Where are we?
SAM. The desert.
CHARON. Where in the desert?
SAM. I don’t know. I was just walking around.
CHARON. Are you sure you don’t know?
SAM. Don’t you know?
CHARON. I forgot.
SAM. Let’s just walk around.
They exit stage LEFT. They re-enter stage RIGHT.
SAM. Is this it?
CHARON. Is this what?
SAM. It. Heaven. Are we there?
CHARON. No. I think this is where we came from.
SAM. Is it?
CHARON. There’s the body.
SAM. Oh. Maybe we could split up.
CHARON. Good idea.
CHARON heads stage LEFT. SAM heads stage RIGHT. Suddenly, CHARON stops and turns.
Wait!
SAM turns around.
No it’s not.
SAM. Why not?
CHARON. It’s no good if I find it without you. And you don’t even know what you’re looking for.
SAM. I’m looking for Heaven. God’s there.
CHARON. Regardless.
SAM. Fine.
They rejoin, CENTRE stage.
What do we do?
CHARON. Let’s sit here for a bit.
SAM. That’s what we were doing before.
CHARON. Which means we have experience with it.
They sit.
SAM. Maybe this is where I’m supposed to be.
CHARON. But this isn’t a where. It’s just a here.
SAM. True.
CHARON. Others will be waiting for me.
SAM. They have all eternity ahead of them.
CHARON. True.
SAM. No need to rush into things.
Pause.
Lights dim.
SAM. Not very impressive.
CHARON. It’s not meant to be.
Lights out.
Related content
Comments: 187
I must say this is a good piece it explores the possibility that all the afterlives exists and paints them in a way that is not offending and funny good work.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
That is absolutely brilliant. The dialog is so witty and blunt... it's my kind of humor. A great read before my bedtime. 
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
no i stole it
it's fake
i'm fake
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Wonderful and I love it :]
Brilliant how you manage to keep constant dialogue so entertaining.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Pure brilliance! I saw a short play not long ago that wasn't even 1/10000000 as good as this.
Please tell me you plan on or already have staged this.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
No, but somebody was going to make a film of it a while ago. Don't know what happened with that.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Fantastic story. Nothing meaningful to say apart from great job and I love the humour.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Afterlife has been selected as the ProsePlease Favorite for the month of October!
"This has to be one of the best pieces of prose on dA so far. So much is said in such simple dialoque. Not only is it hilarious, but also has some great but subtle social comments as well. An amazing read that would be a fantastic play."
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
'I am the Charon, The Ferryman'..lol.hahaha. Excellent.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Heh, when did you get a DD for this? It poped up on my favs again and I reread it, I forgot how much I enjoyed this story.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Almost two years ago, looks like. Wow, that was a while ago.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Wow. you are such a good writer. Another brillaint script.
(ps. My friend says he wants to steal your brain.... I think it's supposed to be a compliment.)
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Go ahead and try. If the government and big tobacco and the Illuminati can't do it, I'm not afraid of you!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I'm afraid of him.
He has pointy shoulders. Scary, scary pointy shoulders.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Gawd... Your stuff are amazing. Especially this. It's amusing, not overdone, and just brilliant.
I'd go to to see your work in a theater.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
heyyy
I thought this was really good... I liked the dialogue very much, I thought it was witty and really cool. I especially like the part where he sits on his own body. This is beautifully written. haha.. Nice job!
Sean.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
This was awesome.
I need to note you; a discussion must be had.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I had a friend show this to me, and he normally has excellent taste in what he reads. This was no exception. Keep up the great work, this was very much enjoyed. <3
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I'm just wondering, but why did you give Sam the chance to choose where he goes? It seems rather irrational, if we could all choose where we would go so easily, things would be simpler. So basically, was there a reason for doing that?
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Interesting...
You have a very interesting style! To me, this one act play read like a Monty Python skit meats Spaceballs, which is pretty good in my opinion. The playful banter between Charon and Sam is really nicely done and realistic. The character of Sam could be developed just a little bit more so we can understand who he was in life and what the hell he was doing in the desert before he died and even, how he died. These were a few questions I had while reading this, but since this was supposed to be a short piece...maybe that kind of background information isn't completely needed, though I would have liked it.
The bantering between the two characters is effective, though it does get a little repeative. All that happens is a few questions followed by either return questions or witty response. The few times I did laugh during this piece where when there was a clever response given by Charon: namely the whole part about the name. That part was extremely funny. Another part I like is when the Ferryman/ferryman first arrives...that was really well done.
You could add somethings about different religions...you touch on a few, but remain strongly with Hell. I think you could do more with this section...having read some of your other bits, this could be easily done.
I think the piece starts to lose its steam towards the end. Though still effective, it doesn't play strongly with the rest of the piece. Because what it does is lose the crediablity of Charon. He clearly walked from some place, because he mentioned it at the beginning, because that is where his boat is. So, why doesn't he just walk Sam towards the boat to carry him over to the land of the dead?
Some other questions I had where: Why does Sam get a choice? This seemed a little odd to me too...his life doesn't determine anything: was he a good guy or a bad guy? Why does he get to chose between Heaven and Hell and, if there are nine plains, why are there nine planes if a person can select which plain he can go to?
Other than that, I thought this was a strong piece, though in need of a little bit more characterization. The dialogue in this was AWESOME! Really funny. I found myself laughing out loud in a few places. Excuse me, while I go and read some more of your stuff.
Cheese gone
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
So, why doesn't he just walk Sam towards the boat to carry him over to the land of the dead?
Because desert looks like desert.
Why does he get to chose between Heaven and Hell and, if there are nine plains, why are there nine planes if a person can select which plain he can go to?
It's not so much a straight out selection so much as it is a personality test to put you in the most appropriate place/place you'd like the most. Maybe some people would like to chill with Satan (pun el oh el) in the ninth circle, who knows.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
This is awsome. I really love the dialog and the humor that hits with almost every line. I also enjoy the physical humor that happens as it breaks up the conversation.
I wouldn tbe suprised to see this one on a stage. if you want, i am sure Josh-Grant wouldnt mind doing this one too. Its just as good (and in some ways better) as Fate.
Man i love your stuff.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I guess I'm a little late in discovering this piece. I saw the link in the forum. Great piece. What everybody else said. (I especially like the Waiting for Godot comparisons.) Anyway, I don't have anything particularly impressive to say, so +fav for good lit.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
you're too damn funny for my liking. Screw you. Just too funny....* runs away crying and laughing*
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
An interesting, amusing overview of the most popular theories on the afterlife.. the end wasn't really much of anything, and I suspect that SOMETHING actually happens when we die. And somehow bopping people with staves strikes me as mean, even if all involved parties are dead. The passage
CHARON. What were you doing?
SAM. Walking.
CHARON. Were you planning to die?
SAM. No, that just happened along the way.
was good, a nice summation of life in general.
Personally I'd enjoy a play where you made your own guess about what happens when you die more.. I have a strange feeling that none of these religions and philosophies have it quite right, but just poking light fun at them seems sort of pointless unless you throw something better into the ring.
That said, with this play you've examined the afterlife more deeply than most people ever bother (they're too scared, I think) and for that I commend you. I'd enjoy it more if, say, Sam told Charon off and told him what the afterlife was REALLY like. I'm not sure why Charon would show up at all, then. But maybe the afterlife is a kooky place.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
ahaha dude, another great one. I laughed out loud when
SAM. It took so long to get it out of you. Could you attach a title to it?
CHARON. I am Charon, The Ferryman.
I don't know why.....its just stupid, but I laughed hard because of it 
btw i dont mean stupid as in bad....you know what I mean.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I have no advanced critique to give this, because it rocks.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
this is how death should be, and probably is how it is, everything's better with a little sarcasm in it, hehe. congrats on another kick ass comedic skit
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Oh man, I always avoided the theater when I was younger, but some of your stuff might actually get me interested! 
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Daily Deviation.....good for you man, and well deserved!!! I have always loved your writing, with its depth and dry sardonic wit. Glad it is getting the attention it deserves. Love the Dante references, and existential twist.....and how you leave us hanging. Awesome work!!!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
huzzah 👍: 0 ⏩: 1
i am glad, in trying to actually find good writers on deviant art, that i stumbled upon this.
i don't know if you look at your comments anymore
(you've gotten more well-deserved faves than i have pageviews)
(not jealousy, but wow)
but know: huzzah
Rest assured that I look at my comments and appreciate all of them.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
This is great, very witty and very thoughtful. The characters were well thought out and the action was clever. Nicely done.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
gold, these faith plays are great - ill seriously do this in a small studio
awesome
-Mike
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
gold, these faith plays are great - ill seriously do this in a small studio
awesome
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Wow, this is great. I love the humor in it. Also, it gets a person thinking. Sorry this is not much of an advanced critique, but there is nothing I found to criticize. Only good things here. I love it.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
My friend told me to read this awhile back. I hadn't the chance until now, because I wanted to give it time. Not read it when I didn't really have time and then not comment, which is what happens alot of the time.
I must say it's a bit unexpected and yet, very peaceful. I love every single part of it. The interaction between the two characters is fantastic.
Very enlightening piece of writing. It makes me happy that you got a DD on this. Keep up the good work!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
This really amused me... Very interesting. Would like to know more, a part II for example, but it is still wonderful, amazing. Great dialogue...
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I am not qualified to critique anyone's work, especially something written this good! The characters blend wonderfully together and I love the humor between the two. I will now go find your gallery for futher reading...Merry Christmas!!!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
| Next =>