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BBCheever — Requiem for the Disloyal
#mafia #assassin #beauty #loyalty #noir
Published: 2016-05-06 14:01:00 +0000 UTC; Views: 2365; Favourites: 18; Downloads: 0
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Description
When her mother died, he promised to repay the debt he owed their family. He agreed to raise her and protect her from that life.He sent her to the finest schools, steered her though the dangers of adolescence and taught her to become an amazing young woman. In return he asked only loyalty.
He loved her deeply. Being in her presence was like understanding God. He did not want her last moments to be in fear or pain. He could not trust that to anyone. He had to be there. He trembled, knowing that in a moment he would hear her final breath.
He called in his best gun; no mistakes. It was more than a message to those that turned her. It was a declaration of war.
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Comments: 24
I love the noir feel to this. I am also a big fan of Japanese woodblock prints, and this has that sort of feel as well with the treatment of the rain. I will have to tackle the art and attached story together, as the story makes something clear that is not immediately obvious from the picture.
I could not tell with certainty at whom the shadowy gunman was aiming. With my eyes drawn elsewhere in the picture, and standing in the shadows as he is, I did not immediately see that he was aiming a gun, which makes his presence even more ominous. One might think that for a mob hit, it would be the gentleman. If he were to pull the trigger at this instance, the bullet might actually strike both of them, so I am assuming that he is waiting for the best angle. The story lets us know that the target is the young lady, and her relationship with the older man makes this all the more poignant.
I am glad that the artist did not go down the mafia cliché road with Il bacio della morte (the kiss of death). The soft caress of the face is both more intimate, and in keeping with his fatherly relationship to her. This adds to the sense of sadness that this 'necessary' act brings to him, and therefore to us.
I do wonder at the light source that would brighten their faces that much, although I welcome the ability to see the emotion that is playing out there.
The period font on the building sign in the background, the car, and the grittiness of the street and other details adds to the sense of time and place. And, it is not overdone as these scenes are in almost all of the Batman/Dark Knight movies.
Now for some quibbles. The man's coat seems a little off, as if it doesn't fit him properly. Given the details from the story, I would have expected him to look very sharp. His arm also seems a little unnatural in its form. And while I LOVE her dress (it has the look of velvet, which I would think would be somewhat difficult to create), I am puzzled by the amount of skin exposed on her right leg as opposed to her left. In the darkness I can't tell if she is carrying something that is shading her left leg (the kind of purse that would do that seems out of character for her and the time), and I can't tell if the darkness that is covering part of the car's right rear tire is part of the same object.
All in all, a very good piece. I am anxious to know more of the backstory, how they got to this point, what the betrayal might have been. I am not much for the star rating system, but DA insists, so here it is.
The vision is excellent, as described above. The art, coupled with the story line, is not only very original, but also emotional. The technique, other than the quibbles above, is very good as well. Again, the combination of film noir and Japanese ukiyo-e was very effective. All this served to make the impact very profound indeed.
Well done.
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Thank you very much for your time and thoughtfulness. Your observations are keen and valuable. I agree with you about the lighting on the leg, and your comment on the light source for the faces is very insightful.
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Although my talent, such as it is, pertains to the written word, I am a very visually oriented person. One that is cursed with a total lack of ability to draw or paint.
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Finest artwork, great way to tell a story with just a few strokes, impressive style and camera angle to match...
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Thank you very much for your kind remarks.
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Wow, I must admit a don't envy the hit man. I don't see how this job could possible end well either way for him. It's obvious, this job is far beyond "just business". Beautifully poignant story and image!
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Thank you for your comment. The image has been well received. I am considering making a serial of it. It takes a lot of time to do it well consistently though.
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Originally I did not have a story in mind, I created it for the 'April Showers' contest at twisted erotic peril. As it turns out, it is not particularly twisted nor erotic, even though the female character is beautiful and one of my favorites. I have been thinking about developing it into a story. I would need the time to make sure I did it well.
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Please do. I am already hooked, and looking forward to more of it.
BTW, I am mulling over something for their May contest.
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I'll work on it!
Good luck with the contest. I wanted to create something where the rain either contributed to the peril or prevented help from arriving. I do not think I captured that in my image. It only added to the mood.
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BTW, I went ahead and wrote a critique, as you had requested one.
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Thank you very much. Your critique very generous.
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You are most welcome, although it was your work that inspired me to do that.
As they tend to take a bit of time, I am somewhat sparing in doing critiques. My favorites are young people who are just starting out, who seem to have talent or imagination (even if their technique is raw), and who can hopefully benefit from some suggestions. The other main category are works such as yours, ones that strike me in some way (as well as good). If I can help someone move a little from good towards very good, or very good to great, then I will feel that I have accomplished something.
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It is very generous of you to spend your time helping others.
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If I had had someone to do this for me when I was young, my life might have taken a completely different turn, so if I can fill that role for someone now, I feel I should.
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While I don't regret the family I've created, I do wonder what it would have been like to have been a published author. As I approach 60, I am taking up that challenge now. My writing here has been practice.
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Best of luck to you. Thank you again. I am uploading the next scene shortly.
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Thank you for your kind comment.
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Superb noir in both story and art. The setting of the scene gives us just enough to understand what is going on and the original art style, (original to me anyway), illustrates it beautifully.
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It is very kind of you to take the time to write a comment. Thank you. I am glad you enjoyed the work.
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