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Bear-hybrid — Good Intentions
#advice #bear #grizzly #panda #pillow #scream #sloth #bearcomic #thebearminimum
Published: 2019-05-01 19:18:34 +0000 UTC; Views: 6531; Favourites: 244; Downloads: 0
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Comic #165: Most people are kind and good intentioned, they want you to be happy.I vent my troubles in comic form often & it invites all kinds of advice.
However people really only know what their own version of happiness looks like,
so some of their suggestions really go against who I am as a person.
I try to remind myself that they don’t know me that well rather than reacting badly. A scream pillow is a good outlet
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Comments: 45
The comment section was almost as delighting as the strip itself.
It was excellent that you displayed the people giving their advice as people who actually want to advice and are not just saying "do this".
It was kinda excellent how most common knee jerk reaction from the audience was "how dare you come dictate my life?!". ^^"
The nerve of these people for trying to offer you advice. Sure there are those who just push their ideas on you, but in general, it's not that people tell you to stick iron spikes under your nails 'cose that's supposed to make people better. They in general offer you advice that has worked on them, on someone they know or it has at least mentioned somewhere to work. They generally don't try to poison you. Especially if the people are someone you know or are even relared to.
Are they right? Do they hold the key to your betterment? Heck, if I know. Probably not. Maybe they do. Like the examples here. Eating healthy, "right", or taking care to eat in the first place goes to some length of helping. Does miracles? Hell, no. And speaking of Hell...
Religions? They can offer support and structure. They can offer you someone to who's ethreal shoulder you can cry on when all the world turns agaisnt you. Heck, even heard of one war-vet who was complete wreck after service, but found the rigor and demands of Jehova's Witness so solid that he could base his life again through their help. Will God(s)(dess[es]) come and beat up your bullies? No. Absolutely not.
Parenthood? For a while now, I've wondered what should I do with my life. I would lie if I said I've done much else for the past year or so than just drift, waiting for something to spark my interest (also explains why I have tiem for this
All in all, the advices might not be good, the offer might not hit the target audience (heck, they even might but we're many a tkme way too proud to think others could ever know what's best for us)... But they are not said (usually) with ill intent. And the smallest courtesy one can give is to lend their ear. That costs nothing and like with people having trouble, so too with those offering it, it can sometimes mean the whole world if there was at least someone willing to listen.
...
Terribly sorry for the rant, but seeing how kindly you portrayed those offering advice and the sheer hate abd outrage from the comments just rubbed me the wrong way. Really loving your work, already shared couple of them to my friend and wish nothing but the best for you in our future.
Oh, and since it's my nature... Get a hold of yourself, you're a fricking bear! You're scaring others for Pete's sake.
Said with all the love a stranger can offer to another.
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does canada have National Health? Can you get in with a therapist or something to work through some of these things considering it is affecting your quality of life?
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I think you just Need to speak to a person who you trust, then may be you will find what you need.
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hate religion, hate children.... we have common hate :3
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Reminded me of this - www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu…
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I like this and how you noted that people are good-intentioned and want to help, even if they themselves need to understand that what makes them happy and works for them doesn't necessarily work for everyone
Now the last one, goodness gracious absolutely not X'D People who say "having children will fix your problems" raise red flags in my head.
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I must say, that feeling of purpose and doing anything useful (if you can) made me feel much better. It wasn't babies though, because babies probably would make me rabid. To each is own way though.
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Of course religion isn't for you. It's not for me either. It's not who I am, but I am a Christian. I was made new by Jesus Christ. I am not who I used to be. I have joy! By the way, Christianity isn't about happiness. I'm not a Christian because it makes me happy. I'm a Christian because it's true that Jesus died for my sins. If you don't believe and trust in Him and repent of your sins, I'm sorry, but you're going to hell. I DO NOT WANT YOU OR ANYONE TO GO TO HELL! IT'S A HORRIBLE PLACE! PUT YOUR FAITH IN JESUS BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE! PLEASE!
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tenor.com/view/yikes-damn-wow-…
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That definitely isn't how you win people over. Those are the types of people that drive others away. I too, am a Christian. But I don't go around screaming desperately at people and telling them they are going to hell if they don't go to Jesus. If that person is meant to be won, He will do it by his own means.
Also...yes. I feel that all the way. My mother in law did the whole no meat and gluten...and she's uh...not doin' so good. As for the 'having kids' statement. That's downright hilarious because every person I've seen do that...ends up in divorce or worse. Trapped.
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DeviantART needs a 'like' button lol
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oh yeah, i know this very well from my family. I was dealing with depression caused mostly by my family and getting bullied. Only some people i was able to talk my problems to and nobody really gave any good advice. I just needed someone i could talk to, someone who could understand me and support me and thats all. I dont need anything else. And all that happend was just eh. So this is very understandable for me. Sorry you go through some shit.. this world is something, i tell you
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A wise man once said:
"There are no external solutions to internal issues."
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Oddly enough I just got off a forum where all three of these things came up back-to-back on the exact same subjects... it's almost like "normal" people have no original ideas or concept of what grappling with these problems is like....
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Yup, don't you just love unwanted advice, when no one knows you, like you know you. And you're right, people tend to judge you by their own standards. Yup, screaming in a pillow is sometimes the best therapy.
My pet peeve is the second one with the religion. If I could bite someone, it would be people like that. But would probably get rabies. Lol!
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That last one is especially the worst. I can't have children because I have a type of breast cancer that means if I get pregnant, I will probably die, so hearing that is just like... Really?
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Ahahahhahahaha, from experience, children can cause your depression to spike, NOT make it go away.
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Yeah none of those will help XD, that is something that only you yourself can overcome.
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I relate to your reactions though most people aren't good intentioned and have selfish underlying agendas.
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I just try and live in the moment like my animals do - there's nothing better than watching my mothers dog lose her shit because you left the room and came back in 2 minutes later, I want to be that happy haha
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Anybody who tells you "Do X and it will solve all of your problems" is lying to you and to themselves. I have a daughter, I am religious, and I should improve my diet, but I still have anxieties and moments of incredible stress and some moments of depression. Do they help me out? Yes, they very much do, but as somebody else already noted, I don't have these things in my life because I want them to help me! That's not why I adopted my daughter or became Catholic, or anything else!
Here's hoping you can find what you need in these times.
Dominus tecum
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I think another aspect of it is that people want a catch all simple answer and believe that they found it. It might be both and ego trip as well as confirmation bias to get others to participate in their simple cure.
That said, their intentions are generally good, even if this is the motivator. They want you to experience what they think has helped them the most and we have a hard time using theory of mind to understand that everyone around us is in fact, not us. No one size fits all in almost anything in life.
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they having children thing *rubs face* I LOATHE that bit of 'advice' how somehow having kids will make it better
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Agreed a million percent and I would upvote you into the sun if Deviantart had that system.
It's not fair to a child to expect them to make your life better. It's the same terrible idea that often makes people want relationships. You have to have some semblance of enjoying life before you can add others into it. It's too much pressure to think any one person can ever fix it.
I'm a planned child of parents who thought I would make things better. They both absolutely regret that decision because they are terrible people who who had no business having kids. But I see plenty of non-terrible adults who are decent parents who if it wasn't another human life they were dealing with, would totally regret the decision and that's horrible for everyone. Resentment and entitlement among parents to think their kids fix their lives is unfortunately common. And they get real angry when they see people not taking the same path and being miserable like them.
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I am so sick of people saying that if I just ate better and exercised that my mental health problems would just MAGICALLY DISAPPEAR.
That's not how it works.
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Really random question... but did you create that font for the speech bubbles yourself??
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Yeah 
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Made it with this website: www.calligraphr.com/en/ (if I remember correctly)
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Yeah, don't have kids, eugh lol.
I started in December 2017 going to the gym and found it personally so helpful with my depression. Lost 3 stone of fat and can look in the mirror now and not throw up, still get a bit of reflux but scary seeing how far I have got, lol.
My ex and I joined the gym, both to help with our mental health, but within 3-4 months it was clear she was too lazy and it wasn't for her......which sadly started the fall of our relationship which ended eventually as she had such a lack of will to help herself.
Now she is having to deal with physical illnesses due to her not helping herself.
Just keep trying to help yourself, before there's a chance of things worsening, physically or mentally <3
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I live with family who constantly spit advice, and while their intentions my be good, it's just exhausting to hear everyone tell you what they think will make your life better.
Again not bad mouthing my family, I'd just like for them to simmer down with this kinda thing....
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Reminds me of when Lilo and her sister both scream in their pillows! XD. This comic is very true. Its just hard not to want to try and help someone. It just feels like you are cold or mean for not trying to help. And the world could use more caring folks since they seem to be getting rarer. That last one is hilarious though!
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I don 't put much stock in advice, it usually ends up being terrible.
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I understand how this can be tiring.
But then if I'm not giving any suggestions, it feels like I'm not trying to help and I'm being ignorant to their problem. :S
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Don't worry about being ignorant, we all are at some point in life and that's okay. We can't be helpful to everyone.
The thing about suggestions and advices is that a lot of people that have depression already tried or thought about such solutions but either it didn't work for them or it just wasn't an appropiate method considering their situation. So when they see or hear people constantly giving them pieces of advice it can feel like these people don't try to understand the problem or situation in a emotional way but instead in a logical way.
And trying to solve an emotional problem or situation with an logical answer or solution, can make people (specially depressed people) feel a lot more frustated. Not because they don't appreciate the help but because some people care more about the problem being solved than trying to make the person feel better (and not in a malicious way).
My family has that problem with me, since i'm a guy and very sensitive to a lot of stuff it can get very difficult to ask for emotional support when something affects me deeply. Since they always try to give solutions but don't care if i feel sad or troubled. Thefore creating this feeling of alienation that i don't want to feel on top of being depressed.
They mean well but they also believe i shouldn't feel this way and think logically before emotionally, specially since i'm a dude and not a chick apparently.
Remember that before you start feeling ignorant or lacking when you want to help someone with depression, that the person who is suffering may need more emotional support that logical solutions.
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I understand. I may be lacking that skill though, to give emotional support. :S
Pretty much all of my friends I can talk to only online because we live far away. We do meet occasionally, but I'm most likey not there to give them a hug or a hanging-out together exactly when they'd need it the most.
So it comes down to comforting someone with words, and I'm struggling with that. There's only so many times you can say "You can get through this, I believe in you" before it starts sounding horribly redundant - if it's that the right thing to say even. :S
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Oh but of course! (No, run!)
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