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Blueskye27 — Sex in the Afternoon
Published: 2008-08-15 01:32:24 +0000 UTC; Views: 4395; Favourites: 76; Downloads: 39
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Description
There’s someone else; you’ll leave me soon.My fragrant musk runs pale.
You smell like sex in the afternoon.
You read my skin like a brailled rune,
perfumed and dewy frail.
There’s someone else; you’ll leave me soon.
My name a softly-murmured tune
once breathed in love’s true scale.
You smell like sex in the afternoon.
Is she younger, more freshly hewn?
A girl in life’s full sail?
There’s someone else; you’ll leave me soon.
Another’s flesh now makes you swoon;
my scented dream’s gone stale.
You smell like sex in the afternoon.
A summer love born hot in June
the winter has seen to fail.
There’s someone else; you’ll leave me soon.
You smell like sex in the afternoon.
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Comments: 176
Well I never commented on this when you first wrote it, and I didn't know you'd won the contest this was done for, so congrats on that. But I just thought I'd stop by and let you know that this is one of those poems that I find wandering through my head every so often. It's actually one of my favourites I've read on this site. So I just thought I'd let you know
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Thanks, Emily (you are Emily, right?). That's really kind of you. It's a wonderful compliment to know it comes to mind now and again. Thank you.
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You're very welcome 
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Nice villanelle...I understand the effort that went into writing this and I truly appreciate the outcome.
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This was my first villanelle, and it was quite a challenge, but I'm happy with how it turned out. Thanks very much.
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This is wonderful....and congrats on winning!
I want to have a go at a villanelle, but so far I'm having trouble coming up with the base couplet
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Thanks so much. I'm glad you like it.
I know exactly what you mean. I have trouble finding two good words to rhyme with throughout the whole poem...
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I think I have one word...so I have the rhyme... Just am not sure what sentiment I want to be expressed. Those two lines have to be meaningful and true and amazing and stuff
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You're so right. My other problem is that I might come up with a good couplet, but it descends into cheesiness when I try to stretch it out... Just keep looking. You can do it!
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Beautifully done hon - yeah this one really rings a bell with me - only it was my ex wife that "smelled like sex in the afternoon".
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Oh, I'm so sorry, Scott. I hope the poem didn't hurt you.
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Oh no hon - you did a beautiful job - seriously
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Your are welcome hon
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I li sform of poetry, I should try it, seems more easier than Blank verse.
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Yes, you should give it a try.
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XD, I have and I shall post it in a few seconds. But it's not The Villanelle, it's The Tercet. I'm working on my rhyming and poetic form so that I can work up to the Villanelle XD.
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Now, what's a tercet? Is it hard to write, too?
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Huh? I thought that you'd know the various poetic forms for The Villanelle. You're the expert you tell me.
The Tercet is a poetic stanza consisting of three lines, usually with rhyme basically. A poem consisting of such stanzas is called a tercet poem. A triplet is a tercet that consists of three lines that end with the same rhyme sound ans continues with the same pattern. aaa, bbb, ccc, etc. XD
Now, the moment that you introduced me to the Villanelle I decided to look into the background and I noticed that The Villanelle itself is uniquely made of five tercets and a concluding quatrain. Leading me to practice the basice, the Tercet and my Quartrain. XD
That's why I am a little shocked that you didn't know this Skye XD Hope that this information is useful.
excerpted from Writing Metrical Poetry by WIlliam Baer
So far, It's a little difficult to write, but I am getting the hang of it, I posted my first, you could check it out if you like. Titled Emilr Rose
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I never said I was an expert. This was my first villanelle, remember? I am, in fact, quite a novice with rigid forms, so I'm very glad for the information. Thanks.
I'll go check it out.
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Sorry about that assumption, I didn't mean to insult you.
Same here, The Blank Vers and Sonnets are still hard for me to really underst as well so you're not alone there. XD
Thanks. hope that the attempt isn't too bad.
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Not to worry. I wasn't insulted.
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I really like the imagery throughout this piece, and that most of the rhymes don't sound forced. I especially like the "brailled rune" image as well as the reference to a "sofly murmured tune." Very lovely. There's only two parts I'd consider revising:
I find that the first line (which of course repeats often) is kind of like stating the obvious. The "there's someone else" part is explicit throughout, so it seems unnecessary to say it over and over again. I'd suggest either shortening it to simply "you'll leave me soon" or replacing that part of the statement with something less obvious.
The other thing is in the fourth stanza. I find that this stanza is a bit out of place as it doesn't flow like the rest of the poem and sounds a bit too cliche. The phrases "freshly hewn" and "life's full sail" are overdone and don't quite fit the more modern tone of the rest of the poem. I think this stanza could use some reworking.
But overall I think this is really great and you have mastered the art of the villanelle quite well. Will you be entering the Villainous Villanelle Contest ?
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Thanks very much for the thoughtful comment. I really appreciate it. I'm glad you like my poem.
I've only done this one villanelle, so I'm not secure with the format, but I might give it a try. I saw something about that on someone's page...Disney villains? Is that right?
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Fairy Tale, not Disney, although of course disney has remade a lot of fairy tale villains so you may find inspiration there.
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Oh, okay, I misunderstood. The place I saw it mentioned talked about Captain Hook, so I thought it was Disney. I've been thinking about this all day. I think I'm gonna have to try it.
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Wow...this really spoke to me. The way you wove your words was so extraordinary^^P
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Thank you. I'm so glad you like it.
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Wow, amazing. I could feel every word. The cold. worried nature of the whole thing came off so strong, but it works well.
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Thanks so much. I love words like amazing...
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It reminds me of the song by Panic! At the Disco. "Nine in the Afternoon" =] Great job! I want to write a poem now! *opens Word*
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Thanks! So, are you writing?
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You're welcome! Barely, DISTRACTIONS in the form of work. =o
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I know how that can be...
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Congratulations, Cindy!!! This was an awesome piece, I'm very happy for you!
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Very nicely done! And congratulations on winning the contest!
What I really like about this one is that you used to repetition and form to the highest potential...the repeated lines perfectly represent the sad and anxious thoughts that seem to plague the one being cheated on.
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Thanks so much for the thoughtful comments. It's a new form for me. I've tried a couple more since then, but I can't keep the repetition from falling into monotony, so I'm still trying to get a grip on it. Thank you again.
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This is stunning and well deserved to win. Bravo!
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