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Description

The Image Above is from A Hat in Time by Gears for Breakfast.

The following ficlet contains major spoilers for “A Hat in Time” and is for entertainment purposes only.

...

Subcon Forest…

The Snatcher was once again seated in his favorite chair inside his lair in the heart of Subcon Forest, dreaming up new contracts. His thoughts were disrupted by a small voice nearby.

“Ahem.”

Snatcher recognized the voice and let out a long sigh, looking down to see, standing on the small stool, tapping her foot and staring at him blankly with her hands on her hips was Hat Kid once again.

“Kid, I thought we had a contract? The one where you said you’d never bother me again? So if you’re planning on reneging on it then I guess that means I-…huh?” Snatcher asked as Hat Kid produced said contract, pointing at the line where Snatcher had promised to tell the true story of Queen Vanessa to her. The space was unchecked.

“Oh is that all? Hang on, I’ll take care of this.” Snatcher said, conjuring his quill pen and moving to check off the space on the contract.

“And here we go-OW!!!” Snatcher yelped as a sudden lightning bolt from out of nowhere struck him head on. Snatcher looked around in alarm. Even Hat Kid was startled by what had happened. Snatcher then let out a long sigh.

“Oh, right, forgot about that little issue with contracts. If I fail to hold up my end of the bargain or try to fib and say I did, bad things happen. So I guess you figured it out that I didn’t tell the whole true story of Queen Vanessa, eh? Fine then, kiddo. You win. Sit down.” Snatcher said as Hat Kid plopped down onto her stomach on the stool, looking up at him as Snatcher conjured a large book into his hands. He then cleared his throat.

“So as it turns out I only told you half the story. From ol’ Vanessa’s point of view, it was true enough. She really did have a sick obsession with the Prince to the point she locked him up in the cellar until he died and her darkness consumed her. But there’s more to the story, Kid. You know the Queen’s version, now for the Prince’s.” Snatcher said, turning his attention to the book.

“Long ago, there was a big shot prince that ruled over a forest kingdom. The Prince wanted nothing more than power, fame, riches, and women. Yep, our Prince was a real ladies man. When he met Princess Vanessa, he saw his golden opportunity to become King. And back then, Vanessa was a real looker! He swooned over her, whispered sweet nothings in her ears, gave her everything she ever asked for. He was in it for the longest con of ‘em all!” Snatcher said as Hat Kid looked up at him almost surprised. Snatcher then continued.

“One day, it occurred to the Prince that he needed to know the law and how it worked if he were to skirt it and one day make new laws to suit his desires. Plus he also had to get the heck away from Vanessa for a while. One can only take so much crazy. So he runs off to Law School where he met a total hottie of a tutor. Yeah, she was old enough to be his mother, but heck if you saw her…ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!” Snatcher chortled. Hat Kid was staring blankly at him as he continued.

“Well the Prince’s plan was to marry the Princess, wait until she was crowned Queen and he subsequently crowned King, and then once that was done, the Queen would have an unfortunate ‘accident.’ After all, she would’ve outlived her usefulness to him. Well things worked out a lot quicker than the Prince expected! The old Queen dies off and Vanessa gets crowned in her stead! The Prince knew his chance had come and quickly returned home, intending to propose and get one step closer to becoming King! Well the Prince decided to buy some flowers for ol’ Vanessa and met a rather pretty florist. The Prince thought she’d make a great companion after bumping off Vanessa but Vanessa spotted them together and suspected, correctly, that the Prince was being unfaithful. She had no idea how unfaithful the Prince had been.” Snatcher said, his trickster grin larger than usual. Hat Kid rolled her eyes and shook her head as Snatcher continued.

“Well, Vanessa, still reeling from the shock of seeing her Prince with another woman ordered him locked in the cellar until the day he died! Queen Vanessa’s darkness consumed her, turning her into that vengeful specter that haunts her mansion. As for the Prince, at first he was horrified that his dreams of gaining power over all of the forest kingdom were falling apart! The blackness of his heart consumed him, turning him into an all-powerful specter that gained complete dominion over the forest after all!” Snatcher declared, throwing back his head in sinister laughter, a flash of lightning accenting his maniacal laughter. Hat Kid looked around worriedly and then looked at the contract. The contract suddenly gained a checkmark on the task requested of Snatcher, causing Hat Kid to sigh, tossing the rolled up contract away as Snatcher dismissed the giant book, looming down to her eye level.

“So there you have it, Kid! The Prince was never some unfortunate victim of a crazy Queen’s insanity! He had just as much to be guilty of as she did! So kid, I recommend you scram! Get lost!” He said as Hat Kid gave a deriding scoff, putting on her sprint hat and summoning her scooter, riding it out of Snatcher’s lair. Snatcher picked up the completed contract, unrolling it and laughing victoriously at the checkmark.

“Finally! I finally won over that little-…huh?” he asked as he noticed something at the very bottom in very tiny writing. He pulled a magnifying glass up to read it. The fine print read…

“This contract is rendered non-binding upon completion…meaning the issuer doesn’t have to hold up her end of the bargain.” Next to this it had a drawing of Hat Kid smiling. Snatcher stared blankly at the fine print, glancing towards the road where he could still see Hat Kid puttering around on her scooter. He then started to chuckle a little.

“Well played, kiddo. Well played. Looks like I blew it. But one day, I’ll get even with you and then, once again, you will be the FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!!!” Snatcher yelled before breaking down into maniacal laughter that echoed across all of Subcon Forest.

Fin

Description

The Image Above is from A Hat in Time by Gears for Breakfast.

The following ficlet contains major spoilers for “A Hat in Time” and is for entertainment purposes only.

...

Subcon Forest…

The Snatcher was once again seated in his favorite chair inside his lair in the heart of Subcon Forest, dreaming up new contracts. His thoughts were disrupted by a small voice nearby.

“Ahem.”

Snatcher recognized the voice and let out a long sigh, looking down to see, standing on the small stool, tapping her foot and staring at him blankly with her hands on her hips was Hat Kid once again.

“Kid, I thought we had a contract? The one where you said you’d never bother me again? So if you’re planning on reneging on it then I guess that means I-…huh?” Snatcher asked as Hat Kid produced said contract, pointing at the line where Snatcher had promised to tell the true story of Queen Vanessa to her. The space was unchecked.

“Oh is that all? Hang on, I’ll take care of this.” Snatcher said, conjuring his quill pen and moving to check off the space on the contract.

“And here we go-OW!!!” Snatcher yelped as a sudden lightning bolt from out of nowhere struck him head on. Snatcher looked around in alarm. Even Hat Kid was startled by what had happened. Snatcher then let out a long sigh.

“Oh, right, forgot about that little issue with contracts. If I fail to hold up my end of the bargain or try to fib and say I did, bad things happen. So I guess you figured it out that I didn’t tell the whole true story of Queen Vanessa, eh? Fine then, kiddo. You win. Sit down.” Snatcher said as Hat Kid plopped down onto her stomach on the stool, looking up at him as Snatcher conjured a large book into his hands. He then cleared his throat.

“So as it turns out I only told you half the story. From ol’ Vanessa’s point of view, it was true enough. She really did have a sick obsession with the Prince to the point she locked him up in the cellar until he died and her darkness consumed her. But there’s more to the story, Kid. You know the Queen’s version, now for the Prince’s.” Snatcher said, turning his attention to the book.

“Long ago, there was a big shot prince that ruled over a forest kingdom. The Prince wanted nothing more than power, fame, riches, and women. Yep, our Prince was a real ladies man. When he met Princess Vanessa, he saw his golden opportunity to become King. And back then, Vanessa was a real looker! He swooned over her, whispered sweet nothings in her ears, gave her everything she ever asked for. He was in it for the longest con of ‘em all!” Snatcher said as Hat Kid looked up at him almost surprised. Snatcher then continued.

“One day, it occurred to the Prince that he needed to know the law and how it worked if he were to skirt it and one day make new laws to suit his desires. Plus he also had to get the heck away from Vanessa for a while. One can only take so much crazy. So he runs off to Law School where he met a total hottie of a tutor. Yeah, she was old enough to be his mother, but heck if you saw her…ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!” Snatcher chortled. Hat Kid was staring blankly at him as he continued.

“Well the Prince’s plan was to marry the Princess, wait until she was crowned Queen and he subsequently crowned King, and then once that was done, the Queen would have an unfortunate ‘accident.’ After all, she would’ve outlived her usefulness to him. Well things worked out a lot quicker than the Prince expected! The old Queen dies off and Vanessa gets crowned in her stead! The Prince knew his chance had come and quickly returned home, intending to propose and get one step closer to becoming King! Well the Prince decided to buy some flowers for ol’ Vanessa and met a rather pretty florist. The Prince thought she’d make a great companion after bumping off Vanessa but Vanessa spotted them together and suspected, correctly, that the Prince was being unfaithful. She had no idea how unfaithful the Prince had been.” Snatcher said, his trickster grin larger than usual. Hat Kid rolled her eyes and shook her head as Snatcher continued.

“Well, Vanessa, still reeling from the shock of seeing her Prince with another woman ordered him locked in the cellar until the day he died! Queen Vanessa’s darkness consumed her, turning her into that vengeful specter that haunts her mansion. As for the Prince, at first he was horrified that his dreams of gaining power over all of the forest kingdom were falling apart! The blackness of his heart consumed him, turning him into an all-powerful specter that gained complete dominion over the forest after all!” Snatcher declared, throwing back his head in sinister laughter, a flash of lightning accenting his maniacal laughter. Hat Kid looked around worriedly and then looked at the contract. The contract suddenly gained a checkmark on the task requested of Snatcher, causing Hat Kid to sigh, tossing the rolled up contract away as Snatcher dismissed the giant book, looming down to her eye level.

“So there you have it, Kid! The Prince was never some unfortunate victim of a crazy Queen’s insanity! He had just as much to be guilty of as she did! So kid, I recommend you scram! Get lost!” He said as Hat Kid gave a deriding scoff, putting on her sprint hat and summoning her scooter, riding it out of Snatcher’s lair. Snatcher picked up the completed contract, unrolling it and laughing victoriously at the checkmark.

“Finally! I finally won over that little-…huh?” he asked as he noticed something at the very bottom in very tiny writing. He pulled a magnifying glass up to read it. The fine print read…

“This contract is rendered non-binding upon completion…meaning the issuer doesn’t have to hold up her end of the bargain.” Next to this it had a drawing of Hat Kid smiling. Snatcher stared blankly at the fine print, glancing towards the road where he could still see Hat Kid puttering around on her scooter. He then started to chuckle a little.

“Well played, kiddo. Well played. Looks like I blew it. But one day, I’ll get even with you and then, once again, you will be the FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!!!” Snatcher yelled before breaking down into maniacal laughter that echoed across all of Subcon Forest.

Fin