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You Are Enough. Rin x Self Harming!Reader (AU-ish?)

******WARNING!!! SERIOUS TRIGGERS AND SELF HARMING AHEAD> IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT OR DON’T WANT TO READ ABOUT IT< THEN GO TO A DIFFERENT STORY> YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED****

One comment is all it takes.

One single, mean comment is all it takes for a person barely holding it all together to break completely. For you, one such comment had come today and it had hit you hard.

‘Anyone who has told you your opinion mattered couldn’t have given you worse advice.’ An extremely fake, popular girl spat at you after you had tried to give her answer to a question she had asked in one of your classes.

And with that, you retreated back into the quiet shell of your personality, not talking to anyone at all as you struggled to get through the rest of your day. You avoided all social interactions, even going as far as to avoid your long-time best friend Rin Matsuoka when he tried to stop you in the hall. This concerned him, because he had noticed for a long time now that occasionally you would become very distant and he didn’t know why. It seemed to him like you were struggling with something but he didn’t know what or how he could help and that hurt him.

When the bell of your last class finally rang, you quickly gathered up all your stuff and hurried out of the building to walk yourself home. Normally, you would walk with Rin, but today you needed to be alone. As you walked, you began to think, and thinking always made you feel worse.

You are just so sick of it. Sick of the way others see you and the way you see yourself. Sick of hating yourself. Sick of having to pretend to be someone you’re not and hide the way you feel. Sick of the way thoughts of hate fill your mind in every waking moment and you have to fight to keep from drowning in them. Sick of crying yourself to sleep as you try to force all of your emotions into the recesses of your darkened mind.

As you turn down your street, thoughts of all the things you hate about yourself surface all at once. You hate every inch of your body, from the color of your eyes to the way your toes stick out. You feel like nothing ever matches the way you want to be and you feel ugly. You hate every facet of your personality, from the shy, awkward parts, to the nerdy fan girl parts. What you want is for people to accept you for who you are and stop telling you that you’re less than perfect.

All you want is to be good enough.

With that last sentence on repeat in your head, tears begin to stream down your face as you make your way into your empty home and into your bedroom. Your parents weren’t home and that gave you some relief, knowing they wouldn’t see what happened next. Pulling out a blade, you think of what you hate the most.

Most of all, you hate your scars. They are memories of all the times you failed and weren’t strong enough or good enough. Yet, each time you etched another line into your body and felt the warm blood trickle out, you felt hope. Hope that maybe this time, the physical pain would make the emotional pain fade away, but it never did. That didn’t stop you from trying once more as you ran the blade across your exposed wrist and watched a line of red appear in its wake. You felt the brief moment of relief until the day’s earlier comment ran through you mind, bringing the hatred back with it.

I’m not good enough.

I deserve this.

I will never be loved.

I am worthless.

I am nothing.

With each statement, another line was drawn into your skin, leaving blood, pain and numbness in its wake. Your outside now reflected what you felt on the inside and that gave you the minutest sense of sick pleasure as you leaned against your bedroom wall.

‘Y/n?’ The faintest of whispers came from your bedroom door, causing your head to whip around, your tear-filled eyes meeting a pair of maroon ones. ‘(Y/n), what’s going on?’

‘Rin, why are you here?’ You ask, ignoring his question.

‘You didn’t wait for me after school and you seemed really off all day, so I came to check on you. But that doesn’t matter, we need to stop the bleeding!’ He states, panic rising in his throat.

‘Oh no, I’m okay. They’re really not that deep. See look, the bleeding has already stopped.’ You say, holding up your wrist to show him.

‘That doesn’t make it okay! Why would you even do this in the first place?’ He questions, delicately grasping your wrists and running his thumbs over the scars littered there, both new and old.

‘I just want to be good enough. ’ You manage to get out, tears running down your face.

Rin has no idea what to say in response to that. How could you think that about yourself? To him, you were the most perfect thing in the world. He saw you as smart, strong, kind, caring and most of all beautiful. You didn’t know it, but he had loved you for as long as he could remember. You were one of the few people that had stuck with him when he was in Australia, helping him through his hard times. Yet here you were, struggling through your own hard time and he had no idea what to say or how to express his feelings.

So he hugged you.

He pulled you into his chest, wrapping his arms around you and resting his forehead against your own. It took you a moment to realize what was happening before you relaxed into the hug, the faint scent of chlorine and shower gel filling your nose. Warmth radiated off of him, and in that moment you felt safe. And loved. Which is something you had not felt in a long time. You are unsure of how long you stood there in Rin’s embrace when suddenly he spoke.

‘You are more than enough.’

‘What?’ came your reply, your voice cracking as your tilted your head to be able to look in his eyes.

‘I said, you are more than enough.’ He repeated. ‘You are prefect in every way, and you deserve so much more than this.’

‘How do you know?’ You ask quietly.

‘Because I love you. I always have and I always will. You are more than enough for me, so will you let me be enough for you?’ He asks, a soft smile gracing his features as he pulled you tightly back into his arms.

‘You are more than enough.’

Description

You Are Enough. Rin x Self Harming!Reader (AU-ish?)

******WARNING!!! SERIOUS TRIGGERS AND SELF HARMING AHEAD> IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT OR DON’T WANT TO READ ABOUT IT< THEN GO TO A DIFFERENT STORY> YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED****

One comment is all it takes.

One single, mean comment is all it takes for a person barely holding it all together to break completely. For you, one such comment had come today and it had hit you hard.

‘Anyone who has told you your opinion mattered couldn’t have given you worse advice.’ An extremely fake, popular girl spat at you after you had tried to give her answer to a question she had asked in one of your classes.

And with that, you retreated back into the quiet shell of your personality, not talking to anyone at all as you struggled to get through the rest of your day. You avoided all social interactions, even going as far as to avoid your long-time best friend Rin Matsuoka when he tried to stop you in the hall. This concerned him, because he had noticed for a long time now that occasionally you would become very distant and he didn’t know why. It seemed to him like you were struggling with something but he didn’t know what or how he could help and that hurt him.

When the bell of your last class finally rang, you quickly gathered up all your stuff and hurried out of the building to walk yourself home. Normally, you would walk with Rin, but today you needed to be alone. As you walked, you began to think, and thinking always made you feel worse.

You are just so sick of it. Sick of the way others see you and the way you see yourself. Sick of hating yourself. Sick of having to pretend to be someone you’re not and hide the way you feel. Sick of the way thoughts of hate fill your mind in every waking moment and you have to fight to keep from drowning in them. Sick of crying yourself to sleep as you try to force all of your emotions into the recesses of your darkened mind.

As you turn down your street, thoughts of all the things you hate about yourself surface all at once. You hate every inch of your body, from the color of your eyes to the way your toes stick out. You feel like nothing ever matches the way you want to be and you feel ugly. You hate every facet of your personality, from the shy, awkward parts, to the nerdy fan girl parts. What you want is for people to accept you for who you are and stop telling you that you’re less than perfect.

All you want is to be good enough.

With that last sentence on repeat in your head, tears begin to stream down your face as you make your way into your empty home and into your bedroom. Your parents weren’t home and that gave you some relief, knowing they wouldn’t see what happened next. Pulling out a blade, you think of what you hate the most.

Most of all, you hate your scars. They are memories of all the times you failed and weren’t strong enough or good enough. Yet, each time you etched another line into your body and felt the warm blood trickle out, you felt hope. Hope that maybe this time, the physical pain would make the emotional pain fade away, but it never did. That didn’t stop you from trying once more as you ran the blade across your exposed wrist and watched a line of red appear in its wake. You felt the brief moment of relief until the day’s earlier comment ran through you mind, bringing the hatred back with it.

I’m not good enough.

I deserve this.

I will never be loved.

I am worthless.

I am nothing.

With each statement, another line was drawn into your skin, leaving blood, pain and numbness in its wake. Your outside now reflected what you felt on the inside and that gave you the minutest sense of sick pleasure as you leaned against your bedroom wall.

‘Y/n?’ The faintest of whispers came from your bedroom door, causing your head to whip around, your tear-filled eyes meeting a pair of maroon ones. ‘(Y/n), what’s going on?’

‘Rin, why are you here?’ You ask, ignoring his question.

‘You didn’t wait for me after school and you seemed really off all day, so I came to check on you. But that doesn’t matter, we need to stop the bleeding!’ He states, panic rising in his throat.

‘Oh no, I’m okay. They’re really not that deep. See look, the bleeding has already stopped.’ You say, holding up your wrist to show him.

‘That doesn’t make it okay! Why would you even do this in the first place?’ He questions, delicately grasping your wrists and running his thumbs over the scars littered there, both new and old.

‘I just want to be good enough. ’ You manage to get out, tears running down your face.

Rin has no idea what to say in response to that. How could you think that about yourself? To him, you were the most perfect thing in the world. He saw you as smart, strong, kind, caring and most of all beautiful. You didn’t know it, but he had loved you for as long as he could remember. You were one of the few people that had stuck with him when he was in Australia, helping him through his hard times. Yet here you were, struggling through your own hard time and he had no idea what to say or how to express his feelings.

So he hugged you.

He pulled you into his chest, wrapping his arms around you and resting his forehead against your own. It took you a moment to realize what was happening before you relaxed into the hug, the faint scent of chlorine and shower gel filling your nose. Warmth radiated off of him, and in that moment you felt safe. And loved. Which is something you had not felt in a long time. You are unsure of how long you stood there in Rin’s embrace when suddenly he spoke.

‘You are more than enough.’

‘What?’ came your reply, your voice cracking as your tilted your head to be able to look in his eyes.

‘I said, you are more than enough.’ He repeated. ‘You are prefect in every way, and you deserve so much more than this.’

‘How do you know?’ You ask quietly.

‘Because I love you. I always have and I always will. You are more than enough for me, so will you let me be enough for you?’ He asks, a soft smile gracing his features as he pulled you tightly back into his arms.

‘You are more than enough.’