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Description

I can be fine for days, weeks, sometimes even a whole month, but at some point the depression always comes back. There's nothing that really triggers it - at least, not that I've been able to pinpoint. It just... shows up. Sometimes it hits me like a fuck ton of heavy, emotional bricks; other times it's a lazy, invisible, settling haze. Today was the latter, just an all-encompassing tiredness, emptiness, and apathy. Just... yeah. A soul-sucking, awful haze.

What stuck out to me, though, is that not once did I believe it wouldn't end. I understood and accepted with 100% certainty that it would pass. I also accepted that no matter how irrational it may be, no matter how frustratingannoyingridiculous, I was just going to be depressed for a little bit and that was that. This time there was no spiraling deeper, no panicking, no suffocating self-loathing. Just a sighing "'kay, then" and riding it out.

I'm exhausted as per usual afterwards, but I don't feel crippled. It's a relief that I've been able to get this far, and I'm proud of myself. I still trip up, nose-dive, and spiral every once in a while, but that's alright. It sucks, sure, but I can accept it, because I'm getting back up and moving forward after every "episode," and that's what counts -- what's most important to me.

I'm going to be okay.

Description

I can be fine for days, weeks, sometimes even a whole month, but at some point the depression always comes back. There's nothing that really triggers it - at least, not that I've been able to pinpoint. It just... shows up. Sometimes it hits me like a fuck ton of heavy, emotional bricks; other times it's a lazy, invisible, settling haze. Today was the latter, just an all-encompassing tiredness, emptiness, and apathy. Just... yeah. A soul-sucking, awful haze.

What stuck out to me, though, is that not once did I believe it wouldn't end. I understood and accepted with 100% certainty that it would pass. I also accepted that no matter how irrational it may be, no matter how frustratingannoyingridiculous, I was just going to be depressed for a little bit and that was that. This time there was no spiraling deeper, no panicking, no suffocating self-loathing. Just a sighing "'kay, then" and riding it out.

I'm exhausted as per usual afterwards, but I don't feel crippled. It's a relief that I've been able to get this far, and I'm proud of myself. I still trip up, nose-dive, and spiral every once in a while, but that's alright. It sucks, sure, but I can accept it, because I'm getting back up and moving forward after every "episode," and that's what counts -- what's most important to me.

I'm going to be okay.