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Etilia — Thrust of Lust
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Published: 2004-04-25 18:39:34 +0000 UTC; Views: 479; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 43
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Description
The light in my eyes is whirlingThe beat of my heart is pounding
The thrust of lust
has begun amust
I no longer know what I'm doing.
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Comments: 29
ohhh wow thats gorgeous! I love that poem!
Its short and breif, but so true. I have a poem like that, "My Sin" is what its called, its about lust and passion and the sin of it... well if you read it you'll get it... *dangles gummy bear on a string infront of your nose*
Anyways I love this, simple yet very effective. Love the picture that you've put with it to ^^
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Wow. thanks. ^^ I think you are the very first person to say that my poem was gorgeous. ^^ I 
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hehehehehehe yes.... gummy....... hehehehe follow the gummy......
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hehe no problem darlin, my pleasure ^^
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so ur a poet too...nice.
that poem is realistic as is...a bit short, but the message was sent. do more, do more.
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lol. I will within the week. I wrote one to go with a picture that I took. I just need to go and get it developed and I will post you a new one. ^^ Thanks so much for the comment and the fav. Much appreciated. :huggle:
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Pretty good. If you're going to write short poems it usually works better to use more concrete diction than this. Interesting, I must say.
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So then what would be your suggestion to fix this poem? and what do you mean by concrete diction? thanks so much for your critique! ^__^
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Well to fix it as I suggest you would need to find the concrete things about it that represent this emotion the best. I've never actually ... yeah ... so I can't fix it for you.
Google Amy Lowell and Ezra Pound and that's what I mean by the concrete part. The most accurate way to describe concrete is "not abstract", unfortunately. For instance, "lust" is abstract -- give me your lust, let me hold it, what does it smell like? You can't answer those sort of questions because it is an abstract subject and I'm asking concrete questions.
Eh, if you want me to try and explain more / more coherently then I'll try.
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lmao! 
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VVVVVery nice indeed! Good to put that picture to go with it.
Good work!
Dany
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very nice. describes what it feels like when your in that situation. specially when you just let go.
unfortunatly (in my mind neway) im still a virgin so i havent fully experianced that
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Haha! Neither have I. I just wrote it one morning. I still have to fix the last line though. It sounds kind of outta place, but I can't think of anything else that would go there.
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This poem really describes what it is like. Great job with getting that emtion down pat!
Two things I noticed:
"The beat of my hear is pounding" heart.
"has begun amust" sounds akward.
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thanks lunalopus! There's not really much I can do about the spelling of (heart) now though. ^^ *sigh* too bad. Do you have any other suggestions that might work better for (amust)?
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Waaa!! nessa-chan this is really good! -nods happily- i saw the title and though...dirty...lol! Its sooo good though, u came up with it that fast?! i hate u! lol! I cant write poetry... T-T
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mwah ha ha ha ba...opps...hehehehehhe *nervous laugh* i meant ha.....damn i showed a part of my good side. *scowl* Hahahahahahaha! j/k! Yes, I can write poetry(thank you), but you can draw anime!!!! Sexy guys you draw. uh huh. *nods very happily* <---i might even add a lil' smirk in there. mwah ha ha ha ha :evil laugh: <----HA HA! I got it right this time.
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LOL! AND stories don't forget..i can write stories...never mind anime
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lol! Yes, you can deffinitly write stories Kristin. ^__^
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The picture for this poem is from the anime series "Bastard". I'm not saying that this picture is "a thrust of lust", I just had to find a preview picture tis' all. So, please don't be offended. Thx. ^^
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Awww. ^-^ Thats nice. -Nods- Lovely poem.
- Stephen-san
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