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Massacre of the Innocence
Published: 2009-03-15 12:28:43 +0000 UTC; Views: 63660; Favourites: 1090; Downloads: 125
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Description
Georgie Porgie threw an orgyjust outside L.A.,
where Jack Be Nimble grabbed his thimble,
outing him as gay...
Little Jack Horner bought Time Warner
before the bubble burst,
though Jumping Jack Flash saw the crash
and liquidated first...
Jack said Jill was taking the Pill
to ward off impregnation;
the Three Blind Mice have lobbied twice
for victim's compensation...
Little Miss Muffet had her tuffet
liposuctioned out,
and Little Bo Peep married a creep;
lamb chops gave him gout...
Jack Sprat's wife went under the knife
for Lap-Band surgery,
then Third Little Pig struck it big
on reality TV...
Old King Cole's gone on the dole,
exposed as a pretender;
while Wee Willie Winkie flashed his pinkie,
that Registered Offender...
Mother Goose declares a truce
on being rearranged;
nursery rhymes reflect the times,
but times, they've sure a-changed!
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Comments: 749
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Fantastic. Enjoyed this greatly. If you rhyme the surgery with TV lines better, will be literally perfect!
This is abi-normally good, and non-reflective of the times
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I actually enjoyed this, I'm creepy I know but it was fun to read
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xDD priceless !!! (I should read this to ma siblings when they demand a bed time story xDDD)
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Now, it seems like this is some sort of anecdote,
but I really don't think it is.
Great poem. I suppose all of our souls can be in a happy place.
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In the words of Mordecai and Rigby: OOHHHHHHHHH!!
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That was the plan.
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Thank you; I'm glad it made your day.
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Imperiously nonsensical yet indubitably brilliant--your silliness has made my day.
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Give me a moment to:
!. Pick my jaw up off the ground.
@. Favorite this.
#. Watch and llama the user
$. Realize I've been trying to capitalize my numerals.
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Your excess of enthusiasm has been noted and appreciated!
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I am absolutely amazed. The balance of humor and cynicism is perfect!
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The glass is neither half-empty nor half full. Rather, it's twice as large as it needed to be. Q.E.D.
(All kidding aside, thank you. 
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From my view, cynicism pretty much is realism... but then, I'm a cynic.
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To that, I have but one reply: [link]
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C-can I just add one more perspective to that joke?
Smart-assist: The glass is 100% full, it's half water half air.
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ehehehehe, that's how I always look at it :3
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Well, there's a reason they call me Mikipedia.
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I have read this a thousand times and memorized it so I can recite it for friends at school and each time it makes me laugh just as hard.
You, my friend, have created something legendary. My applause.
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You're very welcome, my brilliant friend~
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I sat in front of my computer laughing a good five minutes after finishing reading this.
This is easily one of the most BRILLIANT portrayals of humor I have ever, EVER come across. I applaud you for a job well done.
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I guess you're correct, well done.
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I think what makes this funny is that they are good poems in there own right, they stand up well even without knowing the source...
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I appreciate that. Though these days, I'd be very surprised if there are very many people left who aren't familiar with the source material.
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Thanks, and thanks for noticing; I work hard to make the title a part of the piece, instead of simply a label.
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Welcome and welcome. ^^
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That's all any writer can hope for. Thank you.
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