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hereticschizoid — Atlantic

Published: 2004-03-05 13:56:17 +0000 UTC; Views: 299; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 70
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Description Can you know someone you've never met
love someone you've never known
Can you feel someone you've never touched
feel like you are not alone.

Can you hold someone close
with an ocean between
Feel the hands
that you've never seen

Can you taste the lips
that you've never kissed
Daydream clear through
a wall of mist.

Yes.
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Comments: 60

hereticschizoid In reply to ??? [2004-06-06 19:22:23 +0000 UTC]

thank you you can write poetry if you try enough. just keep writing free form poems. think up a bunch of similes and metaphors to pack into it and make it sound pertiful.

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TigerNightHawk In reply to hereticschizoid [2004-06-07 13:54:19 +0000 UTC]

thanks

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BaaingTree [2004-04-15 20:26:03 +0000 UTC]

I still liked your angel one better. It is cool though. I like the line "daydream through a wall of mist" the best. The intangible barrier that keeps you in the box!

Wow. I'm actually getting it!

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hereticschizoid In reply to BaaingTree [2004-04-16 11:17:24 +0000 UTC]

yay! lol glad it was comprehendable and such

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vaelroth [2004-04-02 01:47:13 +0000 UTC]

Interesting end, though I don't agree with it. I personally would have phrased a final question, but your approach did bring a sense of finality to the poem. Good job.

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hereticschizoid In reply to vaelroth [2004-04-02 02:40:09 +0000 UTC]

yeah.. the ending was kinda for me... I realize that the majority of people who read that didn't like it much. It's kinda a statement about my family telling me that it is impossible to know someone at all until you've met them and spent a long period of time with them... something I strongly disagree with, and they tell me that I have no life because I like talking with people who live far away and consider people friends even if I haven't actually met them. So the end is kind of like me saying once and for all, yes I can, and yes I have a life, and yes, I can live it however I damn well please

if that makes any sense...

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vaelroth In reply to hereticschizoid [2004-04-03 11:24:24 +0000 UTC]

Clear as glass.

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hereticschizoid In reply to vaelroth [2004-04-03 15:38:43 +0000 UTC]

that's good

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Agonhotep [2004-03-26 23:47:47 +0000 UTC]

The rhyme scheme for your other poems was just okay, but this is really cool! It just seems to have come so freely, without effort, like a poetic machine was guiding you in your symettry of sound. Awesome beat

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hereticschizoid In reply to Agonhotep [2004-03-27 01:23:55 +0000 UTC]

I worked really hard with the rhyme and flow of the first stanza-

Can you know someone you've never met
love someone you've never known
Can you feel someone you've never touched
feel like you are not alone.

I went from know to met, then love to know, and I was going to go from some other verb and then back to love... (do you see the pattern there? kinda confusing and subtle), but then I couldn't find anything else to put in front of that ....

so for the last two lines I did kind of a play on the word 'feel' with going from physical touch to an emotional feeling inside.

No one else noticed that at all, but those tiny details kinda made the poem for me

thanks again for the great comments

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xhileno [2004-03-23 17:41:24 +0000 UTC]

uhh? I thought I commented on this, ... yes, i did, *scrolls up* yessssmmmm... i did so. i love the poem though, good thing to read it again.

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hereticschizoid In reply to xhileno [2004-03-23 23:46:03 +0000 UTC]

lol glad you liked

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fucklife [2004-03-10 01:32:10 +0000 UTC]

I LOVED it up to the last line and then the 'YES' kind of killed it for me, i would have loved if you just left it as a question, but maybe this is just me.

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hereticschizoid In reply to fucklife [2004-03-10 12:20:51 +0000 UTC]

As *xhileno got, I was trying to make a point with the whole complex questions vs. one simple answer. Also, I answered the question, because I have heard so many people say the answer is no. and I am contradicting them for a purpose.
A lot of people didn't get the ending *shrugs* the ending was more for me than for anyone else.

but glad you liked the rest of it

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fucklife In reply to hereticschizoid [2004-03-11 00:58:23 +0000 UTC]

ok, im sorry if i offended you

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hereticschizoid In reply to fucklife [2004-03-11 15:35:47 +0000 UTC]

no offense taken just figured I'd clarify my purpose

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Complex-Simplicity [2004-03-08 16:18:37 +0000 UTC]

--> --> -->

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hereticschizoid In reply to Complex-Simplicity [2004-03-08 20:46:15 +0000 UTC]



very very glad you like it

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justme96 [2004-03-06 17:46:25 +0000 UTC]

this is beyound beautiful.....i lvoe it more then i can say

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hereticschizoid In reply to justme96 [2004-03-06 22:01:39 +0000 UTC]

thank you so much! *feels special*

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sycros [2004-03-06 09:30:36 +0000 UTC]

I don't think it's sappy but very romantic. Your last couple poems have made me think of my own girlfriend. The way your writing has been adaptable to me and probably others is something unique. You have a talent. Although, the last line, Yes., seems a little dead, if you know what I mean.

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xhileno [2004-03-06 08:13:49 +0000 UTC]

your poetry doesn't stop amazing me... it hasn't changed a bit.

such a clear and blunt answer to such complex questions. great poem.

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hereticschizoid In reply to xhileno [2004-03-06 22:05:55 +0000 UTC]

thanks! I'm glad you understood the ending as no one else seemed to. I was trying to make a point with the whole complex questions/ one simple answer thing. No one else got it.

very glad you liked it and that you understood it lol

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Iamdied [2004-03-06 07:32:44 +0000 UTC]

lol, absolutely nothing wrong with sappy! We can't be depressed all the time. Well, I can, but thats a different story

Yes indeed, that is the correct answer. This poem reminds me of the mindset I was in about 2 years ago.. nice, romantic, and obviously someone is in love I don't have any crits for this one at all, you are definitely getting back in the groove, not that it seemed you were really out of it. Very pretty.

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hereticschizoid In reply to Iamdied [2004-03-06 22:35:26 +0000 UTC]

lol thanks I'm glad you liked it. There are some who were a bit mean about it *coughcoughDiamondiecough* but I value your opinion more

thank you very much for your comment, and don't feel depressed all the time! I you

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RevolverEcho [2004-03-05 19:54:22 +0000 UTC]

very nice

you CAN fall in love with someone you never met because out there is someone you never knew you always wanted.
very romantic poem.

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hereticschizoid In reply to RevolverEcho [2004-03-05 21:16:07 +0000 UTC]

thanks

tis very true

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RevolverEcho In reply to hereticschizoid [2004-03-05 21:22:08 +0000 UTC]



you deserve it.

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hereticschizoid In reply to RevolverEcho [2004-03-05 21:26:07 +0000 UTC]

awww you're so sweet

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megabytemonster [2004-03-05 19:33:28 +0000 UTC]

Very nice poem. I agree with the previous comment though, the ending is too simplistic.

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hereticschizoid In reply to megabytemonster [2004-03-05 21:19:53 +0000 UTC]

it is a bit simplistic for an ending, but I wasn't very daring with the creating an ending, for fear of ruining it. my writer's block is still there a little bit, and everything I tried to add on started to sound shitty, so I figured I'd end on a good note.

*shrugs* maybe I'll work on it again some other time.

thanks for the comment

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Sparquelito [2004-03-05 16:26:03 +0000 UTC]

Very sweet, and bravely personal.

I like it.

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hereticschizoid In reply to Sparquelito [2004-03-05 21:22:55 +0000 UTC]

lol thank you

tis a bit personal come to think of it, almost embarrasingly personal. lmao oh well. too late now >.<


thanks for the comment

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rebelrebel [2004-03-05 15:51:48 +0000 UTC]

Wow... it's sappy in a good way. I like it. But I'm a sappy guy.

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hereticschizoid In reply to rebelrebel [2004-03-05 21:33:32 +0000 UTC]

lol sappy guys are good

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Oblitter [2004-03-05 15:44:04 +0000 UTC]

I agree. It's hard to do, to trust someone you have never seen, but I've managed so far...

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hereticschizoid In reply to Oblitter [2004-03-05 21:32:09 +0000 UTC]

can be interesting

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Oblitter In reply to hereticschizoid [2004-03-06 08:06:13 +0000 UTC]

Yeh.

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diamondie [2004-03-05 14:39:48 +0000 UTC]

Indeed a sappy and cheesy piece, really lacking originality. Could do with less repetition and more imagery, like the ocean and the wall of mist. Many of the lines would sound much more poetic with removal of some words and some editing, like "Can you know someone you've never met" could become "knowing without having met", but that would change the poem a lot, of course. I liked the title, Atlantic.

I'm not a big fan of poetry that asks question and answers them in the end, it feels like underestimating of the reader. Questions don't always have to be answered and if they are, it shouldn't be the simplest way possible.

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Melbel In reply to diamondie [2004-03-05 23:53:47 +0000 UTC]

pfft dont worry about her it was wonderfully written and I for one enjoyed it thouroughly!! Some people just dont like poetry but others can appreciate the beauty it potrays. You did a excellent job on this--dont worry about it

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diamondie In reply to Melbel [2004-03-06 14:43:42 +0000 UTC]

I do like poetry a lot, it's rather silly to claim I don't. I just don't like all kinds of poetry. It's like saying "You don't like Metallica, that means you don't like music at all."

I don't see any reason to get down because of my comment, it was just honest and constructive feedback. I'll try reading more from ~hereticschizoid later.

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hereticschizoid In reply to Melbel [2004-03-06 04:10:05 +0000 UTC]

thank you very much. I feel better now

veryveryvery glad you liked it

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Melbel In reply to hereticschizoid [2004-03-08 19:19:20 +0000 UTC]

dont let them get to you---everyone has a critic here and there

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hereticschizoid In reply to Melbel [2004-03-08 20:49:58 +0000 UTC]

crazies!

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Melbel In reply to hereticschizoid [2004-03-09 03:12:54 +0000 UTC]

hahaha!! at them

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hereticschizoid In reply to Melbel [2004-03-09 12:11:07 +0000 UTC]

!!

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Melbel In reply to hereticschizoid [2004-03-09 22:16:28 +0000 UTC]

ITS MY BIRTHDAY!

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hereticschizoid In reply to Melbel [2004-03-09 22:40:46 +0000 UTC]

HAPPY B-DAY!!!!!!!!

*happppyyy birrrthhdayyy toooo youuuuuuu,
happppyyyy birrrthhhdayyyy toooo youuuuuuuuuuuuu
happpyyyy birrrthhhdayyyyyyyyyy dearrrr Mellllbellllll
happpppyyyy birrrtthhhhdayyyyy tooooo youuuuuu*



yay!!!!!!!! *mails you a cake*

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Melbel In reply to hereticschizoid [2004-03-09 22:41:26 +0000 UTC]

*stuffs her face with the cake* well ok its in a day but still--closeness counts!!! thanks for caring!

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hereticschizoid In reply to Melbel [2004-03-09 22:44:31 +0000 UTC]

pff! you mean I gotta sing this all again tomorrow!

how old are you?

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