HOME | DD

IntricateSunlight β€” Into the Boiler...
Published: 2011-03-21 06:34:03 +0000 UTC; Views: 649; Favourites: 7; Downloads: 7
Redirect to original
Description There it was. The center of all the commotion, a massive ration of food resting right in front of my eyes, we haven't seen such large rations since ever. Usually we had to fight for our food in any way possible, we scavenged for survival. This was easy pickings. Everyone scuttled from their places of dwelling and concealment from far and wide. I made sure the coast was clear of the foul and dangerous beasts before making my own journey over the desolate wasteland. I kept my wits upon me, and my senses on high alert as I made my way through the large rocks and debris, slowly towards the source of food that just seemingly dropped out of nowhere.

Others gathered around it, figuring out how to get to the fresh food that was shielded by a barrier, perhaps this would keep the monsters out, providing a safe haven. Someone found a small opening in the barrier in which we could all slip through. Making our way into the barrier one by one, we began to feed upon the golden fruits that fate had provided us. I pick at the succulent meat my hands, eating ferociously without pause. It was all I could do. I, like everyone else had to take every opportunity that made itself available, it was the only way; the only way that we could survive. The monsters kept us in constant fear, fleeing from hiding place to hiding place, causing us to be nomadic. They could come down upon us at any time, swooping in and picking us off one by one, swallowing us whole with ease.

After a few others ate their fill and attempted to make their leave and go back to their pitiful lives of endless hiding and running, we were all struck by a crushing revelation. The fact that we were trapped within the barrier against our will was horrifying once we realized this. Many scrambled around in panic, submitting to anxiety, a couple simply continued to eat as if oblivious to their surroundings, whilst I made my way to the one of the openings in which we entered, examining it closely. I didn't see anything peculiar so I attempted to make my way through the opening, which I couldn't fit into in order to escape. I didn't understand, it never closed but I can't get out, no one can leave. Those monsters couldn't be this smart could they? To set us up in such a way and catch in this cage was a masterful plan.

Time went on like an eternity in that box of terror; they swarmed around the barrier, picking at it with those powerful and large jaws. No, it couldn't have been them, if it was then why would they be attempting to get to us unsuccessfully? Were they playing with us before one of them delivered death to us all? One of them couldn't take all of us captives, we were too much for a few of them; our numbers were too great. Together we were a force that even they had dreaded.

We drove them off, away from us; they fleeted from our area of containment in much haste. I can't believe we were victorious in our endeavor; we still needed to escape though. Suddenly there was a violent shaking, we tumbled about as a murky fog engulfed us all, tumbling from wall to wall helplessly. I felt one of my legs snap in an opening of the barrier, pain seared through my nerves, rushing through like a tremendous flood. Breathing suddenly became difficult, puffing vigorously to get oxygen through our bodies. I felt like a fish out of water, a bird trapped in a subterranean cavern. Where were we? Where was I? Everyone skittered about our container in a frenzy of terror as the prison began to shift again, as it did so; I caught a glimpse of the most horrendous and most peculiar creature in all of my time in the realm of the living. It was a monolithic behemoth with large piercing eyes that were evil with malice. It possessed large appendages of which none had ever seen, keeping us suspended in the air with them. It had such strange skin of many colors and shades; I couldn't count or observe them all. The appearance of this new form of monster stunned all of us.

Suddenly we were inverted in a manner of which we were not accustomed, falling into a black abyss that awaited us below; one by one, each of us being swallowed by the hungry darkness that awaited below. Those who had the courage and heart to hang on, like me, were dislodged as the cage shook violently and an ear-shattering noise rung through our hearing orifices. We too fell victim to the darkness.

Countless hours, we were in this dark hole of death; heaped in an iniquitous pile that reeked with the death of loved ones. Loud and strange noises of an unknown origin plagued us, drowning out the cries of pain. Every once in a while, light flooded the darkness briefly as more of our kind was cast into the rancor. I lay next to several others, a few of which were dead; some were even missing arms and legs in this terrible place. I felt the weight that imposed itself over my frame growing each time I saw the light, it was soon that the light faded from me, due to the mass of others that were piled atop me. I was kicked, grabbed, punched and struck in nearly every manner possible; how could our enslavers be so ungodly and unforgiving?

I could no longer hear by the time I felt the bag rumble and shake violently. Though it did this nearly constantly, this time it was differently in that I felt the weight that had burdened me lifted tremendously. It felt as though we were suspended in air. It wasn't long until the light breached the darkness yet again and without warning, I was dumped into yet another unfamiliar place.
The ground was hard and slippery here, the light was extremely bright, I, along with the others scattered aimlessly in panic and utter pandemonium. The dead and dying were being tossed away like trash by the monsters that hovered above us, observing us with their globular eyes. I could see now, they had terrible fangs in their massive set of jowls that could probably consume us all at once with ease.

After ridding us from our dead, without proper mourning, we were then taken up in large groups by the manuses of the great beasts, our enslavers, our captors, and then, heap by heap, we fell into another prison. I could feel a scorching heat rising from beneath, though since I was one of the last to be contrived into containment. Many of my comrades sought to attack the beast and attempt to scare them off, but that was to no avail; we were helpless against our indomitable captors.

Without warning, the container began to descend slowly; the blusterous heat grew steadily and increasingly intense. It wasn't soon until I could hear a horrid noise of dread; a noise that gnawed at my innards like a starving rodent, fiendish in nature. Sizzles and pops, squeals of utter helplessness and dismay, the heat grew more violent, more intense. I felt it at my feet; it was a liquid, Dihydrogen monoxide, boiling with fire and vigor; the epitome, the connoisseur of fertility and life, bit at my very being. Burning erupted throughout my nervous system, my innards cooking in mere moments along with the rest of my comrades…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man and woman sit across from one another at a restaurant, talking as a waiter brings a platter with freshly boiled crawfish, red with freshness and delectability, being arranged in a circular pattern surrounding a bowl of a light yellow dipping sauce seasoned to perfection along with the crawfish themselves. The man nods to the waiter as he picks up one of the freshwater crustaceans, bringing it up to his mouth, biting down on its head as he sucked on it noisily, leeching away the flavorful juices that collected in the fatty tissue of the head. He then cracked the tail of the crustacean in half as he broke it open, exposing the succulent meat underneath, eating at it in a sloppy, animalistic manner. The woman stared at the man, glancing at the boiled crayfish that rested on the plate in disgust. The man looked up at her, his mouth running with the juices of the stewed crawdad, as he asked,

"What's the matter? Not hungry?"

As he put forth his question, he dipped the remains of the tail into the sauce. The woman stared blankly into space for a few moments at the poached crawfish before managing to let a question escape her lips,

"I wonder what they went through, ya think they have feelings and emotion as we do, Jack?"

The man bluntly ignored her question as he continued to eat, crayfish after crayfish indulging in their flavor, after several moments of silence, he replied,

"Naw, Mary-Anne, now don't go thinking so deeply about a good meal. Besides, you're the one who wanted to come here anyway."

The woman nodded slowly, as she reluctantly picked up one of the crawfish, staring at its beady dead eyes blankly, lengthy antennae, and gnarled tail, wondering.
Related content
Comments: 23

SubjugatedSandwich [2012-04-22 10:24:51 +0000 UTC]

I cracked up at dihydrogen monoxide. But then composed myself while thinking of the highly philosophical and relatively metaphorical nature of your writing. Very serious stuff. This was quite an enjoyable read and I think what really makes it work is the skewed perspective because no matter how hard you try to fit yourself into the narrators shoes it never quite lines up until you figure out why.

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

IntricateSunlight In reply to SubjugatedSandwich [2012-04-22 10:45:32 +0000 UTC]

Thanks, I didn't feel like just saying 'water', so I used water's chemical name instead XD

1st person perspective is extremely effective at skewing everything to the perspective of the narrator, when writing in first person one must keep this in mind that details...are not always what they seem.

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 0

CollectTheBroken [2012-03-02 21:59:31 +0000 UTC]

Thanks for submitting to !

I really like how you always left the reader hanging as to exactly who is the narrator, it creates a lot of intrigue and makes me want to read on. The way you described it, my very first thought was actually a post-apocalyptic setting where humans lived like animals to survive. Quite ironic, considering how in your story the humans were the real beasts, the real monsters who boiled the crawfish alive.

The style you write is also refreshingly simplistic, creating a feeling that the narrator is in no time to talk and fighting for his survival.

The only thing I think which can be changed to make it better is the ending. Though I like how you made it so ironically lighthearted at the end to maximize the desolate feeling of the general story, I didn't really think the conversation was that necessary and it kind of subtracted from the general tone, since it was the only dialogue created throughout the whole story.

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

IntricateSunlight In reply to CollectTheBroken [2012-03-02 23:37:24 +0000 UTC]

Thank you very much for the critique, I really appreciate that you took time to do it.

That's pretty much exactly what I strove for as I wrote it, to mislead the reader into thinking that the crayfish were actually humans living in a post-apocalyptic setting.I wanted to throw the twist on it at the end to show that the entire time you were seeing things through the eyes of a crayfish being harvested, sorted and cooked up fresh.

I mainly felt that the conversation needed to be there for some reason. I felt that if not, there would be some sort of void in the meaning. Like there would be something lacking.Not to mention that generally people often chat while eating I guess. I wanted to capture a more natural feeling to the scene, as if they are at your everyday seafood restaurant.

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 0

The-Golden-Knight [2011-04-21 15:26:57 +0000 UTC]

When you said the word "bag", it ALL became clear: it's from the perspective of a bug, and the "monsters" are humans! But at the end, I learn I was half-right. What a way to word it...I mean, it does leave me wondering if they think so hard like this...

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

IntricateSunlight In reply to The-Golden-Knight [2011-04-22 03:25:00 +0000 UTC]

The monsters they were talking about towards the beginning were fish and other predators that naturally eat them, but later they became the humans...How'd you like the contrast?

Thanks for the compliment

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

The-Golden-Knight In reply to IntricateSunlight [2011-04-22 03:49:13 +0000 UTC]

I think it dramatizes the viewpoints of the primitive creatures.

You're welcome.

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

IntricateSunlight In reply to The-Golden-Knight [2011-04-22 09:58:31 +0000 UTC]

Oh and thanks for the :+fave: as well, I appreciate it!

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

The-Golden-Knight In reply to IntricateSunlight [2011-04-22 15:58:13 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome.

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 0

alms4purgie [2011-03-21 16:52:13 +0000 UTC]

An interesting way to juxtapose the perspectives. It was also a nice choice in which the writing style went from disorganized to civilized.

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

IntricateSunlight In reply to alms4purgie [2011-03-21 22:57:25 +0000 UTC]

Thanks for the feedback, great you took notice of such things

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 0

DreamingHero [2011-03-21 15:12:00 +0000 UTC]

Wow the story is cool and stunning and it plays with the mind alot!
I love it^^

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

IntricateSunlight In reply to DreamingHero [2011-03-21 22:43:19 +0000 UTC]

Great that you love it

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

DreamingHero In reply to IntricateSunlight [2011-03-22 14:54:00 +0000 UTC]

I loved it alot ^^
But it also scared me a little..the imagination to be one of those small beings...thrown in an unknown place....it is scaaary!

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

IntricateSunlight In reply to DreamingHero [2011-03-22 21:50:11 +0000 UTC]

*nods* Yep..you will wonder what they went to next time you eat some XD

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

DreamingHero In reply to IntricateSunlight [2011-03-22 23:40:07 +0000 UTC]

AWWW crayfish i am soo sorry*eats* :3

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

IntricateSunlight In reply to DreamingHero [2011-03-23 05:13:16 +0000 UTC]

Lol..Whoa, did I really type 'to' instead of 'through'...jeez, I might be losing it.. D:

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

DreamingHero In reply to IntricateSunlight [2011-03-25 13:47:23 +0000 UTC]

*laughs and hugs* mybe my bad writing influences you o.o

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

IntricateSunlight In reply to DreamingHero [2011-03-25 20:39:08 +0000 UTC]

Nah, I was just tired...and I'm still tired..

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

DreamingHero In reply to IntricateSunlight [2011-03-25 20:51:05 +0000 UTC]

You need the comfy boy i guess

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

IntricateSunlight In reply to DreamingHero [2011-03-25 20:56:30 +0000 UTC]

*backs away slowly as she said boy and made a * >.>;

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

DreamingHero In reply to IntricateSunlight [2011-03-25 21:02:05 +0000 UTC]

menat BOX jeez..why is Y and X next to eachother on the german keyboard!

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

IntricateSunlight In reply to DreamingHero [2011-03-25 21:33:34 +0000 UTC]

Lol

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 0