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DISCLAIMER: I OWN NONE OF THE IMAGES PRESENTED HERE, THE BACKGROUND INCLUDED. ALL IMAGES AND CHARACTERS AND THEIR RIGHTS GO TO THEIR RESPECTIVE OWNERS.

Well, since I’ve pretty much decided to make DeviantArt my “Land of Lists” (so...yeah...that’s pretty much going to be this page, at least for a while...maybe not forever...I don’t bloody know), I’ve decided to start some lists involving my obsession: Lewis Carroll’s Alice stories.

Ah, Wonderland. What draws me to thee with such bizarre and possibly disturbing enthusiasm, unmatched by most around me? Maybe it’s the edge of darkness the world carries, or, vice-versa, the whimsical goofery that seems to envelope it? Maybe it’s the main character of Alice, who may capture all the strangeness of a child, but with the rigid logic of her time framed up around her? Or the side characters and their many strange traits and dilemnas, from the Mad Hatter and his fellow partygoers, to the furious Queen of Hearts? Maybe it’s the fact that I can look at every character in the story and see a “fragment” of myself in them, or maybe it’s just the “ye olden fairy-tale novella” feeling one gets from it?

Or maybe I’m just WeEeEiIiIrD!!!!!

Whatever the reason or reasons, it’s high time I start rambling about these stories, and the many media adaptations of it, from video games to films to stage plays to other works of literature. No one else will likely read these bloody things, but, hey, so far as I can tell, only about five bloody people have taken a look at the earlier ones anyway. And what better way to start off this series of curious lists than giving attention to our heroine herself, little miss Alice. Described by Lewis Carroll himself as “loving, first….and gentle as a fawn: then courteous--courteous to all, high or low, grand or grotesque...then trustful, ready to accept the wildest impossibilities with all that utter trust that only dreamers know; and lastly, curious - wildly curious.”

And mischievous. Like any child. (pauses) Methinks he forgot that part, because this little girl can be pretty darn so, if you read the books.

BUT, let’s not crowd this spot anymore. TO THE LIST, MY FAITHFUL KNAVES!

12. Janet Dacal from Wonderland
Full name, Alice Stetson OR Alice Cornwinkle, depending on which version of the show we’re talking about. (I prefer Stetson. Because Cornwinkle sounds...corny.) And there’s no Alice quite like this one. Now, I don’t know how many people have actually seen this show, in any of its three incarnations that it went through, but if ONE thing remained at least somewhat the same throughout the development of this short-lived insta-cult-classic amongst the musical world, it was Alice herself; Alice in this show is under a LOT of pressure: she’s going through a divorce, working two jobs, she’s just moved to a new place, she doesn’t have much time for her daughter, and on the day this play takes place, she has banged her head in a broken down elevator after getting caught in a snowstorm. On top of all this, she’s also (apparently) a descendant of Alice Liddell herself, the little girl who inspired Lewis Carroll to write the “Alice” stories, and a “one-shot wonder” author, who feels extra pressure to get another book published due to this connection, as she feels indirectly tied to Carroll’s legacy and believes she must live up to it. In short: she needs a bloody break. And some therapy. And, in a sense, her journey to her (very Freudian, behind its pop culture references OF DOOM) is both of these things, as she confronts every single problem in her life as she ventures forth to save her daughter, Chloe, from the wicked clutches of the devillish Mad Hatter. (...More on the Hatter in a future list. (evil grin)) All three versions of this play were flawed, but I still found it to be a fun show, and, hey, the production did lead to the presumably happy marriage of Ms. Dacal and her co-star, Darren Ritchie, so it couldn’t have been all bad! (...Oh, wait...they never got married...never mind. Bloody downer.)

11. Caterina Scorsone, from “alice”
And, yes, it’s spelled in all-lowercase...officially, anyway. Ahem...Alice Hamilton is the heroine of this SyFy miniseries. A mistress of martial arts, with a black belt in Judo, you think she’d be one of the most competent, hold-her-own versions of the character on this list, and, in a way, she is. But not-so-far-underneath the surface, she’s still very much a little girl at heart...I mean that in a bad way. She is plagued by several fears, both rational and irrational (the most notable being a fear of heights), and has a perpetual mistrust of pretty much everyone around her, especially other men. (LEAVE YOUR FANFICTION LISTS ALONE, YE GOOFS! Others have probably beat you to it, anyway.) This mostly stems from a childhood trauma, after her father mysteriously disappeared. She has grown obsessed with finding him...just another problem to add on to the mass. After her would-be-fiance, Jack, gets kidnapped by a mysterious man in a pale suit, she follows him through a mirror into a dystopian Wonderland, where, with the aid of the Mad Hatter and the White Knight, she sets off to find Jack and get out of Wonderland...and maybe save her father along the way...one way or another…

10. Natalie Gregory, from the 1985 CBS miniseries
I should start off by pointing out that I have actually had a correspondence with the now adult Ms. Gregory. Perhaps the most interesting things to point out here after that are that, a.) Gregory is one of the youngest actresses to play Alice, if not the youngest; the character is only about seven in the books/film, and Gregory was nine. And b.) this was...quite an endurance test for her. The film was made very fast, and it really shows; while it isn’t AWFUL, several characters and cast members are just horribly misused (I save special hatred for Carol Channing’s White Queen…(shudders) I need “Hello Dolly!” stat!), and, according to her, this meant it was hard to stay professional...especially when you are only a child yourself. But, despite all the hectic bedlam of the script and the rushed schedule of the shooting, she still turns out one of the most heartwarming performances I’ve seen from an Alice yet; this film is littered with some fairly dark moments (most notably the Godzilla-like fear-demon of the Jabberwock), and when bad things happen to Alice, you get genuinely scared and sad for her. You worry about her, and you want to help her get home. And, of course, when the more fun things happen to her, you’re there right alongside her, laughing or shaking your head in utter confusion the whole time. Fun Fact: This role was originally going to be played by Heather O’Rourke, a.k.a., Carol from “Poltergeist.” As if the image of Humpty Dumpty being thrown off his wall by a bad Godzilla lookalike wasn’t strange enough! XD

9. Stephanie Barrett & Niamh Wilson from Warehouse 13
Hey, remember American McGee’s Alice? Of course you do, if you’re reading this; I’m not sure how many other people would! In both games of the series, as well as the upcoming “Otherlands” animated series, Alice is voiced by Susie Brann. Well, in case you didn’t read my list of “Top 12 Video Game Heroes,” I should point out that I DON’T LIKE THAT ALICE! SHE IS A BAAAD ALICE, AND YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD WHEN PLAYING AS HER! I mean, honestly, she is my ONLY real problem - storywise, anyway - with the McGee games; all the other characters are fine, some are more than fine, in fact, but Alice herself just rubs me the wrong way...but, as this version makes clear, it isn’t the knife-wielding psychopath part that causes this. Far from it. You see, Warehouse’s Alice (played by Barrett in her debut episode, “Duped,” and Wilson in her second appearance, “Fractures”)is one of two or three versions of Alice I like to call “Susie Brann Done Right.” In Warehouse’s case, Alice is actually the villain...in fact, she’s the only TRULY (intentionally) evil Alice I know. In this series, Alice Liddell, Lewis Carroll’s child-friend who inspired the stories, had a very different history than we know of; Carroll was a foreign agent of a secret organization called “Warehouse 13,” a group that stores supernatural or seemingly-supernatural objects away from the world for safety’s sake (think SCP, for you creepypasta lovers). During a lovely little tea party, the mischievous young girl found Carroll’s “bag of tricks,” and, when her mother tried to take it away from her, something went off, and her mother was killed. This caused the girl to grow increasingly insane, eventually leading her to go on a knife-wielding rampage across London, only to be stopped when her old friend, Carroll, trapped her inside a haunted Looking-Glass. The books we know of were accounts of her descent into madness, and the “real-life” Alice was all a MASSIVE conspiracy by the Warehouse organization. Whenever someone touches the mirror, their spirit is trapped inside, and Alice’s spirit takes over their body. Her “true form” is now only visible by looking at the person’s reflection. And, if the mirror is broken, Alice can continue “body-hopping,” provided she has a shard of the mirror to help her. American McGee, eat your succulent heart out.

8. Sophie Lowe, from Once Upon a Time in Wonderland
This was a fun show while it lasted, and, by God, I shall not let it descend quietly into the night! Yes, the series was filled with flaws (most of which could have been fixed if it had been longer...or had a second season...or both…), and, yes, the main show of “Once Upon a Time” is at least two times better than this short-lived spinoff, but guess what? I don’t bloody care! Lowe is another “Susie Brann Done Right” sort of character; after her adventures as a little girl (how accurate those are to the original Disney film or Carroll books is...debatable), she found out that, unlike in most versions, where time in our world moves slower than in Wonderland, it worked the opposite way, and what was only a few hours to her child-self was almost a week in the “real world.” Determined to prove that the mad place she had visited was true, the girl returned to Wonderland many a time, trying to get some proof, eventually just deciding to stay there until she had something substantial to bring back. Well, during these adventures, the teenaged Alice encountered the mysterious Genie, Cyrus, and the two fell in love at first sight...how romantically cheesy. ANYWAY: Cyrus gave her three “wishing crystals,” which she kept as keepsakes, vowing not to use them until the two met again after her genie was apparently killed by the Red Queen. She was then sent back home, where she found everything around her had changed, and her family unaccepting of her, and eventually turned herself into an asylum...and, given the nature of Victorian asylums, if you have even a shred of knowledge of what those are like, you can guess that she didn’t exactly escape unscathed. Eventually, two old friends of hers, the Knave and the White Rabbit, whisk her back to Wonderland, where she journeys to try and save Cyrus, who has been captured by the dark sorcerer Jafar…

7. Ayako Kawasumi, from Pandora Hearts
Full name, Alice Baskerville, a.k.a. Alice the B. Rabbit. While I do follow the manga for this series (it’s the only manga I actively follow, in fact), I’m going with the anime version. Why? Because pineapple butterscotch ding dang doo. ANYWAY: Pandora Hearts is one of the most confusing anime/manga series out there, and considering how confusing they are, in general, to begin with, that’s saying a lot. To keep things as succinct as possible: all the characters (well...most of them, anyway) represent Wonderland characters, and you can usually tell which one based on a little creature called a “Chain,” which all have them have under their control; Chains are man-eating spirits that can be “contracted” a-la Satanic-ritual-esque-pact, each one named after a Wonderland character. Alice is both a Chain AND an actual “character,” as one of the main protagonists in the show, alongside her contractor, Oz, who is apparently the reincarnation of Alice’s long lost love, Jack. There are actually two Alices: one, the Will of the Abyss, controls the world of the Chains, while the other retains the name of her former self, Alice. This is another “Susie Brann Done Right,” because Alice B. is FRICKING INSANE. Her Chain name, “B. Rabbit” stands for “Bloody Black Rabbit,” and is basically a giant, demonic Killer Rabbit that could put Monty Python to shame, wielding a scythe and chain weapons (ha ha...a Chain with chains…). When in this form, Alice loses much of her self-control, essentially becoming a force of destruction none can defeat...but, even when in her more human form, she has mood swings you wouldn’t believe. However, unlike Susie Brann, her more “psychotic moments” don’t take up her full character, and she isn’t an ungrateful little rhymes-with-witch; she can be very kind, very funny, and very sympathetic. She’s basically everything Lewis Carroll used to describe Alice...but a bit more vicious.

6. Alyss Heart, from The Looking-Glass Wars
If you haven’t read these books, DO SO. The basic premise of this story is simple: Alyss Heart is the rightful Queen of Wonderland, which, yes, is a REAL place. But it is also almost nothing like Carroll’s story describes it to be: instead of a grinning Cheshire Cat, you have a twisted half-man, half-cat assassin with knives for claws; instead of a tea-loving partygoer, you have a stoic, stone-faced special agent with a hat that could put Oddjob to shame. After her parents are murdered by her evil Aunt Redd, Alyss and said agent, royal guard Hatter Madigan, escape through the Pool of Tears into our world...but are separated on the journey. After a few Oliver-Twist-esque run-ins with some pickpockets, Alyss is brought to an orphanage, then adopted by the Liddell family. While in their care, she befriends Charles Dodgson, who offers to write a book about the strange adventures she constantly describes. But Dodgson - under the pen name of Lewis Carroll - got it all wrong; he even misspelled her name, turning a world of brutal conflict, filled with real people and real tragedy, into a nonsensical piece of absurdity. As time goes on, Alyss forgets more and more of her real life...until she is summoned back to Wonderland, to become the Queen she is supposed to be, and face her Aunt Redd in a duel to the death…

(On a side note, if they ever make a movie/video game/T.V. show about these books, I’d like to nominate Emma Watson as the adult Alyss.)

5. Elisabeth Harnois, from Adventures in Wonderland
Long before her career as a pop singer, Elisabeth Harnois starred in this 100 episode-long live-action Disney Channel series, which, and I say this with as little bias as possible, is exceedingly better than any current series they have today, and was merchandized to death in its time, and was nominated for a couple awards, as well as having the cast guest-star at the one-time-only-aired “Inaugural Celebration for Children,” alongside Kermit the Frog...and which NOBODY BLOODY REMEMBERS. (pause) Well, obviously, that’s a colossal lie, but it is ASTOUNDING how few people remember this show! I think a major reason is that, after its final episode, it was never re-aired - at least, I don’t THINK it was - and, essentially, it was like shutting off the lights in a factory; the machines stopped working, and the series was forgotten. Only nine episodes were released to VHS, and despite multiple attempts to petition Disney about it, the series has still never been released to DVD, let alone Blu-ray. Harnois was a very “idealistic 90’s pre-teen girl,” save for a few quirks, such as a habit of talking to her pet cat, Dinah. The series followed a simple pattern: Alice would be complaining to Dinah about something that happened in school, or a fight with her family, or some other dilemma...and then walk through her Looking-Glass into Wonderland, where she would find the inhabitants having a much more extreme case of the same problem, and, by the end of the episode, would return home with an idea on how to solve the problems she was facing.

4. Tina Majorino, from the 1999 Hallmark film
This Alice is...adorable. Really, I can’t think of a much better word. Majorino’s portrayal is actually somewhat similar to Gregory’s, both in her reasons for going into Wonderland (something films do that shall forever baffle me, but never mind), and in how she manages to tug at the heartstrings. What sets Majorino a bit above though is that she’s more “active” than Gregory’s Alice. Okay, so she isn’t sword-swinging Sophie Lowe or warrior queen Alyss Heart, but when Gregory’s Alice encounters something that befuddles her, and tries to fix it with her logic, she eventually just gives up. Majorino’s Alice won’t give up, partially because she’s afraid of what will happen if she does; she doesn’t WANT to leave Wonderland, so when something illogical gets up in front of her, she’ll try to “correct” it. And, if they won’t be corrected, she won’t just surrender, she’ll make her distaste known and then get out of there. That’s what I see, at any rate. (shrugs) Both, however, are fueled by fears, and the 1999 film, in my opinion, manages to wrap up that arc about facing one’s fears a bit better. It’s a long story; I may go into it some other time...suffice to say, this description probably makes no sense, and I like this Alice.

3. Kathryn Beaumont, from the 1951 Disney film
When people think of Alice, they think of the Disney movie, hands-down. And...yeah, that isn’t such a bad version to think of, really! The people who dislike this movie baffle me, and while I do have some problems with it, they’re more “fanboy rage” problems than genuine problems with the film; more than anything, I just think it’s a tad overrated, and wish other Wonderlands could get more attention. BUT, ANYWAY: Kathryn Beaumont voiced the character, and she is, in her personality and her appearance, the “definitive” Alice, in that pretty much every single Alice after her has tried to either duplicate her or go against her. But even the best Alices can’t seem to shake off Ms. Beaumont’s shadow. This pretty much sums up the film, as well. The character is portrayed exceedingly well, too, from the design to the voice to the animation; she’s nice, but she has her limits, and her story is essentially very similar to Dorothy’s from the film version of “The Wizard of Oz;” she dreams of a world that’s different from her own, a world that’s more exciting and strange...and she finds that world isn’t as nice as she hoped it would be. She’s not as mischievous as the original little girl (in the books, Alice kicks Bill up the chimney, not realizing he could be hurt; in the movie, she sneezes, and “There Goes Bill!” is a complete accident), but she makes up for that in every other department.

2. Fiona Fullerton, from the 1972 film
One of my favorite filmed versions of Wonderland to date, and for good reason. A fellow Wonderland-nut once told me that future Bond Girl Fullerton’s Alice, and, indeed, the 1972 film as a whole, reminded them of the American McGee games, and that they felt you could look at this movie almost as a “prequel” to those games. While I don’t exactly agree, I can see some of the connections they might have made; while, on the surface, this is one of the more lighthearted takes on the story, there is a subtle edge of darkness, particularly in the music, that permeates the whole film. As to Fullerton, she is a kissing cousin to the more twisted Alice portrayed in the games, and her voice and resonance do remind me of Susie Brann’s. Fullerton’s Alice is a somewhat older Alice than most, though still as curious, fun loving, and occasionally naive as ever. While she’s a nice young lady, she does have her limits, and she takes the least amount of guff from the world of Wonderland than probably any other Alice on this list; when the Hatter insults her for the last time at the tea party, she doesn’t say a word, unlike most, who generally cry out “Oh, really!” or something to that effect, she just looks at the Dormouse, then at the Hare, then the Hatter, with an utterly blank, cold expression...and walks off. She glances behind her, tosses her air, and walks away. Like. A. Boss.

1. Amelia Shankley & Coral Browne from Dreamchild
I don’t care if some people (...all two of you…) consider this cheating, due to the nature of this movie, I would sooner turn in my official nutter badge than not put BOTH of these lovely ladies at the very top. “Dreamchild” isn’t so much an Alice film so much as a film about Alice. To quote the movie itself: “In 1932, Alice Hargreaves, who long ago was Lewis Carroll’s ‘Alice’ in Wonderland, is invited to New York to celebrate his centenary. It is her first visit to the New World.” And, yes, this really did happen, and the film essentially becomes “Alice in America-land,” as an 80-year-old Alice - played by Coral Browne to absolute perfection - experiences the mayhem and strangeness of Depression-era America, lost in a world radically different from her own, her still-largely-Victorian values swimming in a sea of corporations and news scandals, as she wonders why everyone seems to think of her as the little girl of Wonderland, all grown up. “It’s too, too mad,” she says at one point. All the while, the senile Alice has vivid flashbacks of her days growing up with Charles Dodgson, a.k.a. Lewis Carroll, and wild hallucinations of scenes from the books she inspired, the characters distorted into grim and twisted figures of fear and death. Amelia Shankley, who was twelve at the time, plays not only the young Alice Liddell, but also the storybook character in these hallucinations, and a teenaged Alice in later scenes. Yes. She plays someone older than herself, to ignore the other two. And, yes, she does it EXQUISITELY. These two single-handedly MAKE the movie, raising out of the depths of what would simply be “a good movie” into “a forgotten masterpiece.” If you haven’t seen Dreamchild, then I BEG of you, check it out. If you have...well, go watch it again! (Unless, for whatever reason, you didn’t like it, in which case (demonic voice) DIIIIIIIIIIIE!!!! But seriously, to each their own.)

Honorable Mentions Go To…

Deborah Watling, from The Wednesday Play: Alice
This T.V. Play was basically a “prototype” for what would become “Dreamchild.” Watling, best known as Victoria from Dr. Who, once again plays not only the storybook character, but also Alice as a little girl and as a teenager...but not as an old lady, seeing as how “Dreamchild” focuses more on Alice, and “Alice” focuses more on Lewis Carroll. (I think the titles should have been switched, personally.) While Watling doesn’t do BADLY, in my opinion, I don’t find her at all believable as a ten year old girl, and the storybook character feels too much like the “actual” Alices to feel like a separate entity; and, yes, the storybook Alice in both of these is intentionally meant to blur the line between Alice’s real childhood and her fictional life, and since this is seen from Carroll’s point of view, one could argue that there is no real difference...but, for me, it just doesn’t work quite the same way. Still, not a bad job at all!

Brooke Shields, from The Muppet Show
Since this is more of a parody of “Alice” than anything else, and since Ms. Shields is pretty much just playing herself, I didn’t feel justified putting this version anywhere. BUT, I should state that I really wish we COULD have seen Brooke Shields play Alice in a “real” version of the story; she looks the part, and even though this is just for laughs, she still makes the journey quite interesting...thought that probably won’t help settle poor Kermit’s nerves at all…

OTHER Honorable Mentions Go To…
Mia Wasikowska (Alice Kingsleigh) from the Tim Burton films. (Am I the only one who felt she was much better in the second film than the first?)
Charlotte Henry from the 1933 Paramount film
Lauren Cuthbertson from the Royal Ballet production (2011)

Description

DISCLAIMER: I OWN NONE OF THE IMAGES PRESENTED HERE, THE BACKGROUND INCLUDED. ALL IMAGES AND CHARACTERS AND THEIR RIGHTS GO TO THEIR RESPECTIVE OWNERS.

Well, since I’ve pretty much decided to make DeviantArt my “Land of Lists” (so...yeah...that’s pretty much going to be this page, at least for a while...maybe not forever...I don’t bloody know), I’ve decided to start some lists involving my obsession: Lewis Carroll’s Alice stories.

Ah, Wonderland. What draws me to thee with such bizarre and possibly disturbing enthusiasm, unmatched by most around me? Maybe it’s the edge of darkness the world carries, or, vice-versa, the whimsical goofery that seems to envelope it? Maybe it’s the main character of Alice, who may capture all the strangeness of a child, but with the rigid logic of her time framed up around her? Or the side characters and their many strange traits and dilemnas, from the Mad Hatter and his fellow partygoers, to the furious Queen of Hearts? Maybe it’s the fact that I can look at every character in the story and see a “fragment” of myself in them, or maybe it’s just the “ye olden fairy-tale novella” feeling one gets from it?

Or maybe I’m just WeEeEiIiIrD!!!!!

Whatever the reason or reasons, it’s high time I start rambling about these stories, and the many media adaptations of it, from video games to films to stage plays to other works of literature. No one else will likely read these bloody things, but, hey, so far as I can tell, only about five bloody people have taken a look at the earlier ones anyway. And what better way to start off this series of curious lists than giving attention to our heroine herself, little miss Alice. Described by Lewis Carroll himself as “loving, first….and gentle as a fawn: then courteous--courteous to all, high or low, grand or grotesque...then trustful, ready to accept the wildest impossibilities with all that utter trust that only dreamers know; and lastly, curious - wildly curious.”

And mischievous. Like any child. (pauses) Methinks he forgot that part, because this little girl can be pretty darn so, if you read the books.

BUT, let’s not crowd this spot anymore. TO THE LIST, MY FAITHFUL KNAVES!

12. Janet Dacal from Wonderland
Full name, Alice Stetson OR Alice Cornwinkle, depending on which version of the show we’re talking about. (I prefer Stetson. Because Cornwinkle sounds...corny.) And there’s no Alice quite like this one. Now, I don’t know how many people have actually seen this show, in any of its three incarnations that it went through, but if ONE thing remained at least somewhat the same throughout the development of this short-lived insta-cult-classic amongst the musical world, it was Alice herself; Alice in this show is under a LOT of pressure: she’s going through a divorce, working two jobs, she’s just moved to a new place, she doesn’t have much time for her daughter, and on the day this play takes place, she has banged her head in a broken down elevator after getting caught in a snowstorm. On top of all this, she’s also (apparently) a descendant of Alice Liddell herself, the little girl who inspired Lewis Carroll to write the “Alice” stories, and a “one-shot wonder” author, who feels extra pressure to get another book published due to this connection, as she feels indirectly tied to Carroll’s legacy and believes she must live up to it. In short: she needs a bloody break. And some therapy. And, in a sense, her journey to her (very Freudian, behind its pop culture references OF DOOM) is both of these things, as she confronts every single problem in her life as she ventures forth to save her daughter, Chloe, from the wicked clutches of the devillish Mad Hatter. (...More on the Hatter in a future list. (evil grin)) All three versions of this play were flawed, but I still found it to be a fun show, and, hey, the production did lead to the presumably happy marriage of Ms. Dacal and her co-star, Darren Ritchie, so it couldn’t have been all bad! (...Oh, wait...they never got married...never mind. Bloody downer.)

11. Caterina Scorsone, from “alice”
And, yes, it’s spelled in all-lowercase...officially, anyway. Ahem...Alice Hamilton is the heroine of this SyFy miniseries. A mistress of martial arts, with a black belt in Judo, you think she’d be one of the most competent, hold-her-own versions of the character on this list, and, in a way, she is. But not-so-far-underneath the surface, she’s still very much a little girl at heart...I mean that in a bad way. She is plagued by several fears, both rational and irrational (the most notable being a fear of heights), and has a perpetual mistrust of pretty much everyone around her, especially other men. (LEAVE YOUR FANFICTION LISTS ALONE, YE GOOFS! Others have probably beat you to it, anyway.) This mostly stems from a childhood trauma, after her father mysteriously disappeared. She has grown obsessed with finding him...just another problem to add on to the mass. After her would-be-fiance, Jack, gets kidnapped by a mysterious man in a pale suit, she follows him through a mirror into a dystopian Wonderland, where, with the aid of the Mad Hatter and the White Knight, she sets off to find Jack and get out of Wonderland...and maybe save her father along the way...one way or another…

10. Natalie Gregory, from the 1985 CBS miniseries
I should start off by pointing out that I have actually had a correspondence with the now adult Ms. Gregory. Perhaps the most interesting things to point out here after that are that, a.) Gregory is one of the youngest actresses to play Alice, if not the youngest; the character is only about seven in the books/film, and Gregory was nine. And b.) this was...quite an endurance test for her. The film was made very fast, and it really shows; while it isn’t AWFUL, several characters and cast members are just horribly misused (I save special hatred for Carol Channing’s White Queen…(shudders) I need “Hello Dolly!” stat!), and, according to her, this meant it was hard to stay professional...especially when you are only a child yourself. But, despite all the hectic bedlam of the script and the rushed schedule of the shooting, she still turns out one of the most heartwarming performances I’ve seen from an Alice yet; this film is littered with some fairly dark moments (most notably the Godzilla-like fear-demon of the Jabberwock), and when bad things happen to Alice, you get genuinely scared and sad for her. You worry about her, and you want to help her get home. And, of course, when the more fun things happen to her, you’re there right alongside her, laughing or shaking your head in utter confusion the whole time. Fun Fact: This role was originally going to be played by Heather O’Rourke, a.k.a., Carol from “Poltergeist.” As if the image of Humpty Dumpty being thrown off his wall by a bad Godzilla lookalike wasn’t strange enough! XD

9. Stephanie Barrett & Niamh Wilson from Warehouse 13
Hey, remember American McGee’s Alice? Of course you do, if you’re reading this; I’m not sure how many other people would! In both games of the series, as well as the upcoming “Otherlands” animated series, Alice is voiced by Susie Brann. Well, in case you didn’t read my list of “Top 12 Video Game Heroes,” I should point out that I DON’T LIKE THAT ALICE! SHE IS A BAAAD ALICE, AND YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD WHEN PLAYING AS HER! I mean, honestly, she is my ONLY real problem - storywise, anyway - with the McGee games; all the other characters are fine, some are more than fine, in fact, but Alice herself just rubs me the wrong way...but, as this version makes clear, it isn’t the knife-wielding psychopath part that causes this. Far from it. You see, Warehouse’s Alice (played by Barrett in her debut episode, “Duped,” and Wilson in her second appearance, “Fractures”)is one of two or three versions of Alice I like to call “Susie Brann Done Right.” In Warehouse’s case, Alice is actually the villain...in fact, she’s the only TRULY (intentionally) evil Alice I know. In this series, Alice Liddell, Lewis Carroll’s child-friend who inspired the stories, had a very different history than we know of; Carroll was a foreign agent of a secret organization called “Warehouse 13,” a group that stores supernatural or seemingly-supernatural objects away from the world for safety’s sake (think SCP, for you creepypasta lovers). During a lovely little tea party, the mischievous young girl found Carroll’s “bag of tricks,” and, when her mother tried to take it away from her, something went off, and her mother was killed. This caused the girl to grow increasingly insane, eventually leading her to go on a knife-wielding rampage across London, only to be stopped when her old friend, Carroll, trapped her inside a haunted Looking-Glass. The books we know of were accounts of her descent into madness, and the “real-life” Alice was all a MASSIVE conspiracy by the Warehouse organization. Whenever someone touches the mirror, their spirit is trapped inside, and Alice’s spirit takes over their body. Her “true form” is now only visible by looking at the person’s reflection. And, if the mirror is broken, Alice can continue “body-hopping,” provided she has a shard of the mirror to help her. American McGee, eat your succulent heart out.

8. Sophie Lowe, from Once Upon a Time in Wonderland
This was a fun show while it lasted, and, by God, I shall not let it descend quietly into the night! Yes, the series was filled with flaws (most of which could have been fixed if it had been longer...or had a second season...or both…), and, yes, the main show of “Once Upon a Time” is at least two times better than this short-lived spinoff, but guess what? I don’t bloody care! Lowe is another “Susie Brann Done Right” sort of character; after her adventures as a little girl (how accurate those are to the original Disney film or Carroll books is...debatable), she found out that, unlike in most versions, where time in our world moves slower than in Wonderland, it worked the opposite way, and what was only a few hours to her child-self was almost a week in the “real world.” Determined to prove that the mad place she had visited was true, the girl returned to Wonderland many a time, trying to get some proof, eventually just deciding to stay there until she had something substantial to bring back. Well, during these adventures, the teenaged Alice encountered the mysterious Genie, Cyrus, and the two fell in love at first sight...how romantically cheesy. ANYWAY: Cyrus gave her three “wishing crystals,” which she kept as keepsakes, vowing not to use them until the two met again after her genie was apparently killed by the Red Queen. She was then sent back home, where she found everything around her had changed, and her family unaccepting of her, and eventually turned herself into an asylum...and, given the nature of Victorian asylums, if you have even a shred of knowledge of what those are like, you can guess that she didn’t exactly escape unscathed. Eventually, two old friends of hers, the Knave and the White Rabbit, whisk her back to Wonderland, where she journeys to try and save Cyrus, who has been captured by the dark sorcerer Jafar…

7. Ayako Kawasumi, from Pandora Hearts
Full name, Alice Baskerville, a.k.a. Alice the B. Rabbit. While I do follow the manga for this series (it’s the only manga I actively follow, in fact), I’m going with the anime version. Why? Because pineapple butterscotch ding dang doo. ANYWAY: Pandora Hearts is one of the most confusing anime/manga series out there, and considering how confusing they are, in general, to begin with, that’s saying a lot. To keep things as succinct as possible: all the characters (well...most of them, anyway) represent Wonderland characters, and you can usually tell which one based on a little creature called a “Chain,” which all have them have under their control; Chains are man-eating spirits that can be “contracted” a-la Satanic-ritual-esque-pact, each one named after a Wonderland character. Alice is both a Chain AND an actual “character,” as one of the main protagonists in the show, alongside her contractor, Oz, who is apparently the reincarnation of Alice’s long lost love, Jack. There are actually two Alices: one, the Will of the Abyss, controls the world of the Chains, while the other retains the name of her former self, Alice. This is another “Susie Brann Done Right,” because Alice B. is FRICKING INSANE. Her Chain name, “B. Rabbit” stands for “Bloody Black Rabbit,” and is basically a giant, demonic Killer Rabbit that could put Monty Python to shame, wielding a scythe and chain weapons (ha ha...a Chain with chains…). When in this form, Alice loses much of her self-control, essentially becoming a force of destruction none can defeat...but, even when in her more human form, she has mood swings you wouldn’t believe. However, unlike Susie Brann, her more “psychotic moments” don’t take up her full character, and she isn’t an ungrateful little rhymes-with-witch; she can be very kind, very funny, and very sympathetic. She’s basically everything Lewis Carroll used to describe Alice...but a bit more vicious.

6. Alyss Heart, from The Looking-Glass Wars
If you haven’t read these books, DO SO. The basic premise of this story is simple: Alyss Heart is the rightful Queen of Wonderland, which, yes, is a REAL place. But it is also almost nothing like Carroll’s story describes it to be: instead of a grinning Cheshire Cat, you have a twisted half-man, half-cat assassin with knives for claws; instead of a tea-loving partygoer, you have a stoic, stone-faced special agent with a hat that could put Oddjob to shame. After her parents are murdered by her evil Aunt Redd, Alyss and said agent, royal guard Hatter Madigan, escape through the Pool of Tears into our world...but are separated on the journey. After a few Oliver-Twist-esque run-ins with some pickpockets, Alyss is brought to an orphanage, then adopted by the Liddell family. While in their care, she befriends Charles Dodgson, who offers to write a book about the strange adventures she constantly describes. But Dodgson - under the pen name of Lewis Carroll - got it all wrong; he even misspelled her name, turning a world of brutal conflict, filled with real people and real tragedy, into a nonsensical piece of absurdity. As time goes on, Alyss forgets more and more of her real life...until she is summoned back to Wonderland, to become the Queen she is supposed to be, and face her Aunt Redd in a duel to the death…

(On a side note, if they ever make a movie/video game/T.V. show about these books, I’d like to nominate Emma Watson as the adult Alyss.)

5. Elisabeth Harnois, from Adventures in Wonderland
Long before her career as a pop singer, Elisabeth Harnois starred in this 100 episode-long live-action Disney Channel series, which, and I say this with as little bias as possible, is exceedingly better than any current series they have today, and was merchandized to death in its time, and was nominated for a couple awards, as well as having the cast guest-star at the one-time-only-aired “Inaugural Celebration for Children,” alongside Kermit the Frog...and which NOBODY BLOODY REMEMBERS. (pause) Well, obviously, that’s a colossal lie, but it is ASTOUNDING how few people remember this show! I think a major reason is that, after its final episode, it was never re-aired - at least, I don’t THINK it was - and, essentially, it was like shutting off the lights in a factory; the machines stopped working, and the series was forgotten. Only nine episodes were released to VHS, and despite multiple attempts to petition Disney about it, the series has still never been released to DVD, let alone Blu-ray. Harnois was a very “idealistic 90’s pre-teen girl,” save for a few quirks, such as a habit of talking to her pet cat, Dinah. The series followed a simple pattern: Alice would be complaining to Dinah about something that happened in school, or a fight with her family, or some other dilemma...and then walk through her Looking-Glass into Wonderland, where she would find the inhabitants having a much more extreme case of the same problem, and, by the end of the episode, would return home with an idea on how to solve the problems she was facing.

4. Tina Majorino, from the 1999 Hallmark film
This Alice is...adorable. Really, I can’t think of a much better word. Majorino’s portrayal is actually somewhat similar to Gregory’s, both in her reasons for going into Wonderland (something films do that shall forever baffle me, but never mind), and in how she manages to tug at the heartstrings. What sets Majorino a bit above though is that she’s more “active” than Gregory’s Alice. Okay, so she isn’t sword-swinging Sophie Lowe or warrior queen Alyss Heart, but when Gregory’s Alice encounters something that befuddles her, and tries to fix it with her logic, she eventually just gives up. Majorino’s Alice won’t give up, partially because she’s afraid of what will happen if she does; she doesn’t WANT to leave Wonderland, so when something illogical gets up in front of her, she’ll try to “correct” it. And, if they won’t be corrected, she won’t just surrender, she’ll make her distaste known and then get out of there. That’s what I see, at any rate. (shrugs) Both, however, are fueled by fears, and the 1999 film, in my opinion, manages to wrap up that arc about facing one’s fears a bit better. It’s a long story; I may go into it some other time...suffice to say, this description probably makes no sense, and I like this Alice.

3. Kathryn Beaumont, from the 1951 Disney film
When people think of Alice, they think of the Disney movie, hands-down. And...yeah, that isn’t such a bad version to think of, really! The people who dislike this movie baffle me, and while I do have some problems with it, they’re more “fanboy rage” problems than genuine problems with the film; more than anything, I just think it’s a tad overrated, and wish other Wonderlands could get more attention. BUT, ANYWAY: Kathryn Beaumont voiced the character, and she is, in her personality and her appearance, the “definitive” Alice, in that pretty much every single Alice after her has tried to either duplicate her or go against her. But even the best Alices can’t seem to shake off Ms. Beaumont’s shadow. This pretty much sums up the film, as well. The character is portrayed exceedingly well, too, from the design to the voice to the animation; she’s nice, but she has her limits, and her story is essentially very similar to Dorothy’s from the film version of “The Wizard of Oz;” she dreams of a world that’s different from her own, a world that’s more exciting and strange...and she finds that world isn’t as nice as she hoped it would be. She’s not as mischievous as the original little girl (in the books, Alice kicks Bill up the chimney, not realizing he could be hurt; in the movie, she sneezes, and “There Goes Bill!” is a complete accident), but she makes up for that in every other department.

2. Fiona Fullerton, from the 1972 film
One of my favorite filmed versions of Wonderland to date, and for good reason. A fellow Wonderland-nut once told me that future Bond Girl Fullerton’s Alice, and, indeed, the 1972 film as a whole, reminded them of the American McGee games, and that they felt you could look at this movie almost as a “prequel” to those games. While I don’t exactly agree, I can see some of the connections they might have made; while, on the surface, this is one of the more lighthearted takes on the story, there is a subtle edge of darkness, particularly in the music, that permeates the whole film. As to Fullerton, she is a kissing cousin to the more twisted Alice portrayed in the games, and her voice and resonance do remind me of Susie Brann’s. Fullerton’s Alice is a somewhat older Alice than most, though still as curious, fun loving, and occasionally naive as ever. While she’s a nice young lady, she does have her limits, and she takes the least amount of guff from the world of Wonderland than probably any other Alice on this list; when the Hatter insults her for the last time at the tea party, she doesn’t say a word, unlike most, who generally cry out “Oh, really!” or something to that effect, she just looks at the Dormouse, then at the Hare, then the Hatter, with an utterly blank, cold expression...and walks off. She glances behind her, tosses her air, and walks away. Like. A. Boss.

1. Amelia Shankley & Coral Browne from Dreamchild
I don’t care if some people (...all two of you…) consider this cheating, due to the nature of this movie, I would sooner turn in my official nutter badge than not put BOTH of these lovely ladies at the very top. “Dreamchild” isn’t so much an Alice film so much as a film about Alice. To quote the movie itself: “In 1932, Alice Hargreaves, who long ago was Lewis Carroll’s ‘Alice’ in Wonderland, is invited to New York to celebrate his centenary. It is her first visit to the New World.” And, yes, this really did happen, and the film essentially becomes “Alice in America-land,” as an 80-year-old Alice - played by Coral Browne to absolute perfection - experiences the mayhem and strangeness of Depression-era America, lost in a world radically different from her own, her still-largely-Victorian values swimming in a sea of corporations and news scandals, as she wonders why everyone seems to think of her as the little girl of Wonderland, all grown up. “It’s too, too mad,” she says at one point. All the while, the senile Alice has vivid flashbacks of her days growing up with Charles Dodgson, a.k.a. Lewis Carroll, and wild hallucinations of scenes from the books she inspired, the characters distorted into grim and twisted figures of fear and death. Amelia Shankley, who was twelve at the time, plays not only the young Alice Liddell, but also the storybook character in these hallucinations, and a teenaged Alice in later scenes. Yes. She plays someone older than herself, to ignore the other two. And, yes, she does it EXQUISITELY. These two single-handedly MAKE the movie, raising out of the depths of what would simply be “a good movie” into “a forgotten masterpiece.” If you haven’t seen Dreamchild, then I BEG of you, check it out. If you have...well, go watch it again! (Unless, for whatever reason, you didn’t like it, in which case (demonic voice) DIIIIIIIIIIIE!!!! But seriously, to each their own.)

Honorable Mentions Go To…

Deborah Watling, from The Wednesday Play: Alice
This T.V. Play was basically a “prototype” for what would become “Dreamchild.” Watling, best known as Victoria from Dr. Who, once again plays not only the storybook character, but also Alice as a little girl and as a teenager...but not as an old lady, seeing as how “Dreamchild” focuses more on Alice, and “Alice” focuses more on Lewis Carroll. (I think the titles should have been switched, personally.) While Watling doesn’t do BADLY, in my opinion, I don’t find her at all believable as a ten year old girl, and the storybook character feels too much like the “actual” Alices to feel like a separate entity; and, yes, the storybook Alice in both of these is intentionally meant to blur the line between Alice’s real childhood and her fictional life, and since this is seen from Carroll’s point of view, one could argue that there is no real difference...but, for me, it just doesn’t work quite the same way. Still, not a bad job at all!

Brooke Shields, from The Muppet Show
Since this is more of a parody of “Alice” than anything else, and since Ms. Shields is pretty much just playing herself, I didn’t feel justified putting this version anywhere. BUT, I should state that I really wish we COULD have seen Brooke Shields play Alice in a “real” version of the story; she looks the part, and even though this is just for laughs, she still makes the journey quite interesting...thought that probably won’t help settle poor Kermit’s nerves at all…

OTHER Honorable Mentions Go To…
Mia Wasikowska (Alice Kingsleigh) from the Tim Burton films. (Am I the only one who felt she was much better in the second film than the first?)
Charlotte Henry from the 1933 Paramount film
Lauren Cuthbertson from the Royal Ballet production (2011)