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Kauthar-Sharbini — Ori is Brushing her Teeth
Published: 2009-11-24 04:47:08 +0000 UTC; Views: 1115; Favourites: 28; Downloads: 15
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Description
Hello againHow are you everyone ? i hope in good health !
I draw her again . Do you remember our friend Ori chan 
I really love to draw Ori and Marui
Thank you very much Tsu chan & Fuji senpai for fix my mistake
~ْ Short Story ْْ~ْ
ْ~ْ I want to brush my teeth ْْ~ْ
Ori chan always brushes her teeth before she goes to sleep. Then, Marui jumps ! WOOT !!
Ori: Waah !!
Marui : I want to brush my teeth too !
He ate too much cake today . He asks Ori to put toothpaste on his small yellow toothbrush.
Ori : Ok ! here you go !
Marui : Thank you
They brushed their teeth . After that, they went to sleep.
The End
Marui cute with Ori chan ,do he??
I hope you will like it
and everyone too
May i ask you : * I want to improve my English . Is there any mistake in the story ? *
© Marui Bunta from anime Prince of tennis Konami
© window of fantasy Bomb style charecter design kauthar sharbini .
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Comments: 48
Such a cute idea! I like the reflection in the mirror and Marui with his yellow toothbrush.
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Really
i've just try to make short story with right English grammer !and this one remaind me XD
but i hope my Engish is better now
i still try to write more stories
Thank you my friend i/\'m glad you like it
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You're welcome
You're English is so much better than when we first met. I'd like to read some more of your short stories.
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really i'm so happy
heheh actually this story my friend corrected for me. that why it's good now .
i won't forget you helped me too
i'll finish my another story soon
i hope this time the English will be good as you
Thank you my friend
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I'm glad I could help
You're welcome and I look forward to seeing your next story
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Yes yes...Brush your tooth regulary or you will regret sooner or later ! :3 Good story for childrens
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Really !! is it good ? i'm very happy cos you said that !!
i hope my story will liked by children !
yes brush teeth are very important
Thank you very much you give me hope
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sooo so CUTE~ srry i couldn't comment on it earlier!
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no it's ok ^__^
you are always kind !
Thank you very much
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yup good night
Thank you Ryoma chan
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awww, that's so cute! and I love the story
I like that he wants to brush his teeth too.
good job marui dental health is important.
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Thank you very much
I love this story too even it's no action , i like made peaceful story
i'm glad you like it Marisa
yes denatal dental !very important Marui
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peacful stories are always so fun to write.
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yeah 
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and it brightens up my day ^^
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aww! so adorable! I was gonna help fix your english but i see someone else already did XD but you've improved! keep it up!!
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yeah ! Thank you ! you always help me before !
and i'm very glad you said my English are improved .
Shi Shi 
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you too !
Thank you very much !
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Oh my gosh! XD That is so cute! x3 and more bubbles! 
And I'd love to help you with your English! 
"Ori chan always brush her teeth before she goes to sleep." "Brush" should be "Brushes" since the action is happening now.
"He eats too much cake today. He ask Ori to put toothpaste on his small yellow brush." "Eats" needs to be "Ate", since the action was done in the past. ^^ And once again "Ask" needs to be put in the present tense as "Asks" since the action is happening now. ^^ Plus, in English at least, a brush used to clean your teeth isn't just called a "brush"; it is called a "toothbrush".
"They brushed there teeth." The last mistake is actually common even with more experienced English speakers.
But keep trying!
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WAAAH !!! Thank you very much my friend
All the rest i change it when i revision the story XD
the compleatly wrong was the toothbrush ,Their XDDD and Asks ( about Asks actually how can i read it ? )
Oh Thank you thank you! very much ! you help me !
Ok !! i want to write more story to improve my English !!
umm may i ask you can you help me in Lunch time story . and Tsu and Fuji story, if you don't mind
i ask too much sorry
Thank you !
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Oh no problem it was my pleasure! 
Hey, at least you were on the right path! 
You're welcome~! x3 I don't mind helping my friends, I actually love to! 
Oh of course I'd love to help you in your stories! How may I help, do you want me to read and edit whatever you write again? Or is there something else I can do? Just say and I'll do my best! 
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Yes i can see your English are good when i read your comments . that why i like to read it anywhere
Really !? you can help me !! Thank you !!! so much ! i find new teacher
ok i think let start with story first . because i know myself have many mistake in my words cos i need to learn more vocabulary
about the story i stay 1 hour to do two or 5 sentences with grammer, but still i made many mistake XD
i'm very happy
great ! i'm sure you are good in Italian too
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>w< Aww that makes me glad to know.
XD Yep yep I'd love to help you!
That sounds good! ^.^ Yeah having a vivid vocabulary is sometimes tough, but very useful and fun I think.
Thanks Kauthar-chan! XD
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i'm glad you accept to be my teacher
thank you
i'll back tomorrow to revision the ( lunch time story ) after i finish my homework XD
hope for you to have good day Tsu chan and Fuji senpai
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Aww it's a pleasure and honor.
You're welcome!
Okay then, looking forward to it. XD
Thank you! You too darling~!
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i love your chibis *__*
toooo cute <3
*sugarshock*
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thank you !
same here i like to see your draw
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Thank you !
i'm very glad
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Wahh~ This is so cute!! >w👍: 0 ⏩: 1
i really love to draw you
and thank you for your kind comment
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i'm very glad !!
Thank you
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You're welcome >///w///<
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