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Description
IMPORTANT: Read the description below (yeah, I know it's lengthy and grim).

For those that have been watching me for the last year or so (especially those in The Loud House camp), you might have known that last Christmas season, I battled what I now consider the worst case of depression I had in my entire life. However, on Black Friday of last year (November 25, 2016), I hit the lowest point in that depressive phase.

The build-up to this picture took months, but hit its absolute worst the week this took place. During the whole week, I was chronically depressed about a myriad of things. I turned 29 the month prior and was extremely unhappy with where I was in life relative to my age, especially after working hard to obtain my Class A CDL in January of that year and attaining certification to do a particular job two weeks prior in the company I'm currently employed at (certification for the latter was a nerve-racking experience in and of itself because of how afraid I was of failing). The lack of work I got relating to such certifications bummed me out so badly that other than the day of Thanksgiving, all I ate those days were yogurt with mixed berries, water, and chocolate protein shakes.

The only thing that was keeping such depression at bay for long periods of time was the gargantuan amount of hours I was working that month and December (60-70 hours a week). While videogames, cartoons, music, and so fourth did help, the euphoria vanished the moment I turned off the game or whatnot. Along with this, I was pretty fresh into The Loud House fandom, and in particular got engrossed with Leni Loud because I found her hilarious and endearing. However, I was a little bummed out over the show having Leni usually getting the short end of the stick from the episodes I saw at the time (though I've lightened up A LOT on that since then), and perhaps because I was a mess at the time, this played into aggravating the depression.

Thanksgiving Day was a small reprieve from the depression since I went out with my family to the nearest Denny's (no one felt like cooking, not to mention Denny's was much cheaper than a giant homemade Thanksgiving meal). On the midnight of Black Friday, I was actually in high spirits because I was not only already making great overtime pay, but was getting paid double time that day thanks to the pay defined on certain holidays in the Teamsters contract. When the shift ended, I eagerly asked one of the managers for some extra work that day, but was told to go home for the day. The commute home was full of the dread similar to that you experienced as a kid when you did something bad at school and was on the bus ride home, with your angry parents waiting to punish you. I didn't want to go back to an empty house (I have three cats, but I'm the only human there), and I couldn't really do anything with friends because my work life usually gets in the way of such gatherings, and even though I should have done this, I felt too embarrassed to call my mom or stepdad about the woes I was under. I collapsed from not sleeping much the night before (a common occurrence in my life), and then woke up sometime in the early afternoon. I felt so terrible when I woke up I had to build up a ton of motivation just to watch endings to sad movies and downtrodden symphonies on YouTube (such as Grave of the Fireflies and Tchaikovsky's "Pathetique" symphony) in a vain attempt to purge the "bad feels" out of my system. When those didn't work, I stared at the pistol safe by my alarm clock and the rifle case under my bed and seriously wondered if I should grab either one and end my life. Thankfully, I silenced the suicidal thoughts, but then grabbed a giant bottle of Jack Daniel's Old No. 7 and a double shot glass and in quick succession, drank 4-5 double shots. The severe depression was replaced by a totally painful sickness, and it wasn't long before I stumbled into the bathroom and puked my guts outs into the toilet. After purging my insides of all that whiskey, I washed my mouth out with Listerine and collapsed onto my bed, feeling totally miserable and hardly able to even think, which brings me to the picture.

As I lied there in bed after all that, all I could do was wish Leni Loud was lying beside me, worried about my condition and telling me she loved me in spite of my numerous flaws (which I have a huge problem focusing on). Yes, a 29 year-old man with a "manly" union job wanted nothing else in the world but a character in a modern Nicktoon series to comfort him in his darkest hour. Why? Because over the years, I've had several failed romantic relationships and have become horribly cynical of dating, and despite not being real, thought Leni was the "perfect girl" because she was so beautiful both in looks and personality (which I doubt I'd ever find in a young woman in my own life).

For the drawing itself, I decided to apply color only to Leni and myself, and render everything else in various shades of grey and black to help build up a depressing atmosphere and to allow the viewer to focus on the two people in it. While this was born mostly out of frustration, I ended up giving most of the background a "scratchy" element to it that strangely enough, helped resemble comic books and the various comic strips that were crucial inspiration for The Loud House, but mixed with my pseudo-realistic style derived heavily from the King of the Hill art style.

The Loud House and Leni Loud are property of Nickelodeon/Chris Savino.

Description
IMPORTANT: Read the description below (yeah, I know it's lengthy and grim).

For those that have been watching me for the last year or so (especially those in The Loud House camp), you might have known that last Christmas season, I battled what I now consider the worst case of depression I had in my entire life. However, on Black Friday of last year (November 25, 2016), I hit the lowest point in that depressive phase.

The build-up to this picture took months, but hit its absolute worst the week this took place. During the whole week, I was chronically depressed about a myriad of things. I turned 29 the month prior and was extremely unhappy with where I was in life relative to my age, especially after working hard to obtain my Class A CDL in January of that year and attaining certification to do a particular job two weeks prior in the company I'm currently employed at (certification for the latter was a nerve-racking experience in and of itself because of how afraid I was of failing). The lack of work I got relating to such certifications bummed me out so badly that other than the day of Thanksgiving, all I ate those days were yogurt with mixed berries, water, and chocolate protein shakes.

The only thing that was keeping such depression at bay for long periods of time was the gargantuan amount of hours I was working that month and December (60-70 hours a week). While videogames, cartoons, music, and so fourth did help, the euphoria vanished the moment I turned off the game or whatnot. Along with this, I was pretty fresh into The Loud House fandom, and in particular got engrossed with Leni Loud because I found her hilarious and endearing. However, I was a little bummed out over the show having Leni usually getting the short end of the stick from the episodes I saw at the time (though I've lightened up A LOT on that since then), and perhaps because I was a mess at the time, this played into aggravating the depression.

Thanksgiving Day was a small reprieve from the depression since I went out with my family to the nearest Denny's (no one felt like cooking, not to mention Denny's was much cheaper than a giant homemade Thanksgiving meal). On the midnight of Black Friday, I was actually in high spirits because I was not only already making great overtime pay, but was getting paid double time that day thanks to the pay defined on certain holidays in the Teamsters contract. When the shift ended, I eagerly asked one of the managers for some extra work that day, but was told to go home for the day. The commute home was full of the dread similar to that you experienced as a kid when you did something bad at school and was on the bus ride home, with your angry parents waiting to punish you. I didn't want to go back to an empty house (I have three cats, but I'm the only human there), and I couldn't really do anything with friends because my work life usually gets in the way of such gatherings, and even though I should have done this, I felt too embarrassed to call my mom or stepdad about the woes I was under. I collapsed from not sleeping much the night before (a common occurrence in my life), and then woke up sometime in the early afternoon. I felt so terrible when I woke up I had to build up a ton of motivation just to watch endings to sad movies and downtrodden symphonies on YouTube (such as Grave of the Fireflies and Tchaikovsky's "Pathetique" symphony) in a vain attempt to purge the "bad feels" out of my system. When those didn't work, I stared at the pistol safe by my alarm clock and the rifle case under my bed and seriously wondered if I should grab either one and end my life. Thankfully, I silenced the suicidal thoughts, but then grabbed a giant bottle of Jack Daniel's Old No. 7 and a double shot glass and in quick succession, drank 4-5 double shots. The severe depression was replaced by a totally painful sickness, and it wasn't long before I stumbled into the bathroom and puked my guts outs into the toilet. After purging my insides of all that whiskey, I washed my mouth out with Listerine and collapsed onto my bed, feeling totally miserable and hardly able to even think, which brings me to the picture.

As I lied there in bed after all that, all I could do was wish Leni Loud was lying beside me, worried about my condition and telling me she loved me in spite of my numerous flaws (which I have a huge problem focusing on). Yes, a 29 year-old man with a "manly" union job wanted nothing else in the world but a character in a modern Nicktoon series to comfort him in his darkest hour. Why? Because over the years, I've had several failed romantic relationships and have become horribly cynical of dating, and despite not being real, thought Leni was the "perfect girl" because she was so beautiful both in looks and personality (which I doubt I'd ever find in a young woman in my own life).

For the drawing itself, I decided to apply color only to Leni and myself, and render everything else in various shades of grey and black to help build up a depressing atmosphere and to allow the viewer to focus on the two people in it. While this was born mostly out of frustration, I ended up giving most of the background a "scratchy" element to it that strangely enough, helped resemble comic books and the various comic strips that were crucial inspiration for The Loud House, but mixed with my pseudo-realistic style derived heavily from the King of the Hill art style.

The Loud House and Leni Loud are property of Nickelodeon/Chris Savino.