Comments: 128
McAfeeKelsey [2017-09-10 22:02:35 +0000 UTC]
Beautiful. Really captures the bittersweet of vicarious living through a loved one.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
ShimmeringDewdrops [2017-02-07 18:32:27 +0000 UTC]
This is interesting and well written. There is a person who has their own pains and sorrows, but they don't want to 'bother' others with the things they are feeling, and it would feel uncomfortable to talk about with others anyways. However their pain makes them more sympathetic and aware of the pain of others, and because of it they make an effort to bring those around them comfort, and to listen to them.
Because this person doesn't share their difficulties with anyone, they choose to make a release for themselves instead through writing made up things inspired by their own difficulties - but not revealing them in a way that attaches themselves to it. There is even the possibility that after the fact they share these things with others, and then when people tell them that they've related to what has been written they don't feel so alone anymore... they feel like someone else cares and understands about the things they are facing.
This is a very poignant and thought-provoking piece. Well done!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Silvina-Merleawe [2014-01-20 22:07:58 +0000 UTC]
This is absolutely beautiful. The words are melancholic and powerful and I really appreciate the rhyme scheme. The imagery created by the words themselves is so strong. Thank you for writing this.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
TheUniSquirrel [2013-06-22 12:41:28 +0000 UTC]
Tuna cake duck butt. (you did ask for random)
On another note, this is a great poem! Its simplicity and rhyming pattern is nice. >_> I might start watching you.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Chezzy-Am [2013-06-19 21:27:37 +0000 UTC]
The melancholy in this work makes it a good composition and in my opinion, that's what makes a wonderful work in the end.
There isn't much to say about this work other than: I can relate with each and every single stanza; the mention of the violin adding melancholy is suggestive of death and pain; while the last two stanzas add the final composition of what it means to complete the picture of how our story is important, only to those who matter. Because they are the ones who don't seem to be around that often... and we're left to deal with our lives as we thought we could...
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
theheek [2013-05-13 05:48:19 +0000 UTC]
awsomeness
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
kushamisaru [2013-04-26 21:51:16 +0000 UTC]
Just thought you should know I'm nominating this for a DD
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
prettyflour [2013-02-09 21:22:16 +0000 UTC]
Hey there,
Prettyflour here on behalf of with the critique you requested. Sorry for the delay, we have so many poems to critique and are getting to each deviation as quickly as we can!
You had me hooked with the first stanza. You started out with strong emotion and easy words. I had to keep reading! Then the third stanza made me feel something- something familiar- you managed to pull me in further with just a few words that really say so much.
On the whole, I think many readers will find this very relatable. I think the ending was done quite nicely, it gave a little hope to the end which made me smile. Thank you for that. Otherwise, I really have no constructive criticism for you. I think you've done so well writing this. You should be really proud!
I hope you found this helpful. Thank you and have a great day!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
TheLunarDragon [2013-02-06 00:23:47 +0000 UTC]
This Critique is on behalf of
5/5 All around.
This poem is Phenomenal. My critique will have to be brief because I can find no fault with it. You nailed it, emotionally, spiritually, and metaphorically. This is definitely going to be one of my legitimate favorite pieces of poetry that I have read in my time as one of the resident critique writers for the group. This poem stood out for me, I was pleasantly surprised while reading it. I do suggest entering this piece into some sort of poetry competition, I honestly think it would do quite well. I look forward to seeing more from you in the future! Keep it up!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Chezzy-Am [2013-01-31 22:47:19 +0000 UTC]
I am here on behalf of #PoeticalCondition to provide my critique:
Simply put, Wow... You're a good photographer, but this work was actually a breath of fresh air to me... I'm quite impressed.
I was reading this while listening to "Funeral Song" by The Rasmus... so the lines:
If only I could play the violin
I'd share my past through sorrowful chords
Vibrato on strings would be my voice
Fighting my demons with imaginary swords
struck a chord. A definitive chord, no less... The poem as a whole, is a bleeding heart poem that makes me glad to read.
I wasn't expecting your poems to be this good, to be quite honest. This is a very well metered ballad. Not exactly in the strict sense of the word, but I'm not an authoritarian - its the theme and the flow that matters most in any poem, that's the realization that I have reached. Hence, I'll spare the formalities about ballad format and posture and thus, treat it as a good well written poem...
best concluded by your own words of your story:
A picture speaks a thousand words
And music helps you through
If these words come to help me cope
Then they can help you too
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
VoltaliatheMajestic [2013-01-09 01:23:28 +0000 UTC]
By the way, might I use this for something? I promise to give credit afterwards.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
VoltaliatheMajestic [2013-01-09 01:21:21 +0000 UTC]
Fits and to a T. Except I suppose this could be from the former to the latter.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
VoltaliatheMajestic In reply to Lady---Vengeance [2013-01-09 22:50:01 +0000 UTC]
Well, they are from a cartoon called "Superjail!" that airs exclusively on Cartoon Network's night block, Adult Swim. If you ever see it, well... It's sorta hard to describe it aside from all the blood and gore and stuff. But let's just say it makes "Family Guy", "The Simpsons", and "American Dad" look like they should air on the Disney Channel.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
pcmdt [2013-01-06 14:36:06 +0000 UTC]
fine !
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
MissBlondy [2012-12-19 14:56:55 +0000 UTC]
i like the message your giving
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
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