HOME | DD

Description
Andy’s P.O.V.
Dammit, what the hell did she want? Why did she have to call me NOW of all times?
“I’m sorry babe, I’ll be quick with her. 5 minutes tops.” I reassured and stood, snatching my phone off the end table in frustration and pulling on my boxers before answering it.
“Andy?” Juliet’s voice came down the line, sounding tired. No wonder, it was 8 in the fucking morning where she was.
“Yeah?” I asked, grabbing my cigarettes and lighter from my discarded pants before heading outside. No, I hadn’t kicked the habit completely yet, I still needed at least three cigs a day to keep myself from going insane. It was even worse after sex.
“Hey, I’m glad you’re awake.” She said, sounding relieved.
“Hey baby, I’m glad to hear from you.” I told her, making my way to his backyard and plopping down in one of the chairs. “I was going to call you when I landed but, y’know, I knew it was midnight. I didn’t want to wake you.”
“Aw sweetie, how considerate. I’m glad you made it home alright. How was Canada?”
“Fucking cold.” I laughed, placing a cigarette between my lips, lighting it. The rush of nicotine immediately put me at ease, seeming to clear my mind.
“Glad to be back in California, huh?” she asked, laughing slightly.
“You know it. I missed being in a place where you can go outside and have a cigarette in peace 4 days before New Year’s.”
“I know what you mean. Well, not the cigarette part, the outside part. It’s frozen rain here.”
“That sucks.” I empathized, tapping off the ash before taking another drag, breathing the smoke out of my nose in a hazy cloud.
“Yeah, it does. But enough about me, how are you? What’ve you been doing with yourself since you got home?” she asked. I must’ve looked like a deer in headlights when she said that, but thankfully nobody was around to see me. I paused and took another long drag, then answered.
“Not much. I went by Austin’s place, paid him a visit.”
“Aw, ok, and there’s the reason I love you.”
“Beg pardon?”
“You’re so sweet. You went to visit your friend even though you’re just getting home from tour because you knew he probably wanted someone to hang out with.”
“Yeah.” I agreed. “Kinda like the way you visited him while he was in the hospital.”
“Like you did. He’s a real sweetheart but I think he’s really lonely.”
“Really?” I asked after a beat of silence, surprised by how much that struck me.
“Yeah, can’t you tell? He needs someone the way we have each other, y’know?”
“Uh, yeah.” I took another drag.
“He really needs someone to care about him. He looked so sad when I went to visit him.”
“Oh…” I said softly, feeling another pain in my heart at the thought of him alone. I was the one who was supposed to make him feel special, to keep him company. I was his boyfriend after all.
“I know honey, it’s sad to think about. But I want you to know that you can’t blame yourself for what’s going on.”
“No, I know I know.” I reassured her before letting out a soft yawn. Little did she know it really was my fault.
“Hey, you tired?” she asked.
“Yeah, I’m actually really tired. You mind if I head off and I’ll text you tomorrow?”
“No sweetie, I don’t mind.” She didn’t even sound disappointed. “I’ll talk to you soon enough. You just need to get some sleep”
“I will. Promise.”
“Love you” she tacked on at the end.
“Love you too” I told her in monotone before hanging up. It felt so wrong to be telling her that I loved her. I didn’t love her, I loved Austin. And when that hit me, things really made sense. I knew what I had to do. A grin tugged at my lips as I stomped out the end of my cigarette, then made my way inside. The scent of warm cheese and meat wafted over to me, making my stomach growl once again. Good thing I had brought extra pizza for after, right? Haha, anyway.
“Hey.” I came into the kitchen to see Austin sat at his kitchen table, chewing on a piece of the plain pizza. His eyes flicked up to meet mine before going back to his food.
“Hey. How is she?” he asked after swallowing. I shrugged and sat across from him, still beaming.
“Fine I guess.”
“That smile looks like things went more than just fine.” He muttered. It took me a minute to process what he meant, and then another minute to glare at him.
“What’s that for?”
“Andy, for the love of god, tell me you’re not that much of an idiot.”
“Uh, that was uncalled for.”
“No, what’s uncalled for is you taking a call from your girlfriends, and then acting like it’s no big deal and coming in here looking like you won the fucking lottery. Wipe that look off your face.”
“What? No, Austin that smile wasn’t for her.” I told him, my heart sinking in my chest. Not this again.
“Just save it, alright? I don’t feel like hearing one of your BS excuses today.”
“It’s not an excuse, it’s the truth”
“Call it whatever you want, I just don’t want to deal with it today.”
“Look, Austin, please. There’s something I need to-“
“No, y’know what?” he finally stared directly at me. I cringed internally at the dagger-like look he was giving me. “I really don’t care, Andy. I can’t fucking find it in myself to listen to you.”
“Where the hell is this coming from?” I managed to string my words together, keeping my voice from shaking. I absolutely hated when Austin was angry.
“Where? Where!? I’ll tell you where, it comes from the fact that even while you were with me, holding onto me, you couldn’t resist talking to your girlfriend and blowing me off.”
“I was not blowing you off, I took five minutes! One cigarette Austin! That was all!”
“Oh my god, are you even hearing me? I. Don’t. Care. I just don’t care. I mean, for fucks sake Andy, I was going to tell you that I love you tonight and you ruined it!”
“No, baby please.” I was begging now, my heart sinking into my feet.
“Just get out! Get your clothes and get out!”
“No, c’mon Austin, please-“
“Out now!”
****
I made my way to the car in a daze, only after collecting my clothes, still not having absorbed what was happening. Within a quarter of an hour I went from cuddling to my boyfriend to being determined to finally admitting I loved him to driving away from his house, feeling numb to the touch. Only after I began driving did things fully settle in with me. Austin was mad at me. And he had been on the verge of saying he loved me too.
But instead of hearing his loving words, I kept hearing his angry shouts in my head, full of resentment. And that fact alone brought tears to my eyes, making them flow down my face in droves. I cried even as I kept my eyes focused on the road. I’m sure I probably looked pathetic, my face going red and covered in remorseful tears. I had planned everything so perfectly and all it took was one simple phone call. For fucks sake, I don’t even think it took more than 5 minutes on the phone with her.
I dragged myself into the house, my feet feeling like anvils. At that moment I would’ve liked nothing more than for one to drop right on top of me, but I knew that wasn’t happening any time soon. I engaged in my personal pity party, falling face first onto my bed and crying against my pillow like a toddler. I was angry at myself, and angry at him for overreacting.
Again.
But mostly, I felt pathetic. I should’ve fought him. I should’ve tried to fix it. I should’ve…
My mind swam in circles like this until I figured ‘well fuck it Biersack, stop torturing yourself and fucking fix it.’ So that’s what I did. At first I didn’t have a clue what to do, but it became glaringly obvious once I gave it some thought. I sat up and grabbed my phone, opening my messages with Austin. I had a habit of sometimes sending him incredibly long text messages that were better suited to being letters than they were text messages. I took a deep breath and concentrated, not wanting to mess this up any more than I already had.
-Austin, please listen. I know that you really don’t want to talk to me, and for that I don’t blame you. But I know that it’s wrong to go to bed angry and that’s something I don’t want to risk happening here. First off, I’m sorry I interrupted our evening with a phone call that, had I not been awake with you, I would have missed in its entirety. But I feel that you deserve to know: you were the focus of the latter half of our conversation. She told me she got the impression that you were very lonely, saying that you needed someone to be there for you. When she said that, it hit me like a freight train that that person who is supposed to be there for you is me. I’m that person that’s supposed to be there for you. To hold your hand and comfort you in your time of need and be sure that you’re not alone anymore (And yes, that was on purpose ). Anyway, it’s true. She helped me realize that you’re the only person I really need. You’re the person that I want to say I love you to. And, if you’ll take me back, I’ll make good on that promise, just like I always do. If you’ll take me, I promise I’ll step up my game. No more missed calls or only talking to you when it’s convenient. No more neglecting you. I really mean it this time. And what’s most ironic about this situation is that we had both decided we would finally say our three little words to one another. I hope this means something to you and that you’ll still listen to me. I want to type these words out to you, but I know that they won’t mean nearly as much being typed out on a screen as they will in person. If you’ll let me, I would greatly enjoy finally saying those words to you face to face-
After twenty minutes of typing, this is what I came up with. My mind told me that parts of it were really corny and maybe not the most necessary, but I didn’t care. I pressed send and immediately hit the power button, not wanting to torture myself. My eyes slid shut after a few minutes, suddenly realizing how exhausted I was. Heart rate dropping, I was almost asleep, when the sound of my phone ringing jolted me from my sleep. My eyes snapped open and I saw Austin’s contact information across my screen, asking me to FaceTime. I sat up and quickly pushed my hair back, then pressed accept. The 5 seconds that it took for us to connect could’ve been a fucking eternity as far as I’m concerned. As soon as his face appeared, I was completely relieved. He had a slight smile on his face, his anger far removed.
“You got my message?” I asked in spite of it sounding juvenile. The smile on his face grew wider and he nodded, making the phone shake a bit. I chuckled at his reaction, feeling my heart warm to him once again. “And?”
“I’ll do it.”
“Really?!”
“Of course Andy! I need to see you though. Like, now.”
“Come see me, please. Like, now.” I copied his words, making us both giggle like teenagers.
“I’ll see you in 15 minutes, I promise.”
“Be safe, please. No running any red lights or stop signs, ok?”
“Promise, promise.” He stopped with a giggle, not wanting to say it. I grinned and got up, changing into my pajamas and going to wait by the window. My nerves bubbled in the pit of my stomach and I couldn’t manage to stand still, tapping my thigh quickly. The moment I saw his headlights I bolted out the door and into the driveway, too excited to wait. Despite the darkness, I could see the huge grin on his face, illuminated only by the lights coming from within his car. I clasped his body close to mine, trying to keep my eyes from tearing up as I crashed our lips together frantically.
“I love you.” I breathed, unable to collect myself. The words poured off my tongue, like a long overdue relief. “I love you, I love you so much. I’m sorry it took so long and I love you.”
“I love you too Andy, you have no idea. I love you so much.” I could tell that we both had something more we wanted to say to one another, but neither of us could find the words. Instead we just embraced, holding him tight and nuzzling into his neck. As his scent filled my lungs, I knew in my heart that this was the man I was meant to love.
And that I wouldn’t have a problem doing that.

Description
Andy’s P.O.V.
Dammit, what the hell did she want? Why did she have to call me NOW of all times?
“I’m sorry babe, I’ll be quick with her. 5 minutes tops.” I reassured and stood, snatching my phone off the end table in frustration and pulling on my boxers before answering it.
“Andy?” Juliet’s voice came down the line, sounding tired. No wonder, it was 8 in the fucking morning where she was.
“Yeah?” I asked, grabbing my cigarettes and lighter from my discarded pants before heading outside. No, I hadn’t kicked the habit completely yet, I still needed at least three cigs a day to keep myself from going insane. It was even worse after sex.
“Hey, I’m glad you’re awake.” She said, sounding relieved.
“Hey baby, I’m glad to hear from you.” I told her, making my way to his backyard and plopping down in one of the chairs. “I was going to call you when I landed but, y’know, I knew it was midnight. I didn’t want to wake you.”
“Aw sweetie, how considerate. I’m glad you made it home alright. How was Canada?”
“Fucking cold.” I laughed, placing a cigarette between my lips, lighting it. The rush of nicotine immediately put me at ease, seeming to clear my mind.
“Glad to be back in California, huh?” she asked, laughing slightly.
“You know it. I missed being in a place where you can go outside and have a cigarette in peace 4 days before New Year’s.”
“I know what you mean. Well, not the cigarette part, the outside part. It’s frozen rain here.”
“That sucks.” I empathized, tapping off the ash before taking another drag, breathing the smoke out of my nose in a hazy cloud.
“Yeah, it does. But enough about me, how are you? What’ve you been doing with yourself since you got home?” she asked. I must’ve looked like a deer in headlights when she said that, but thankfully nobody was around to see me. I paused and took another long drag, then answered.
“Not much. I went by Austin’s place, paid him a visit.”
“Aw, ok, and there’s the reason I love you.”
“Beg pardon?”
“You’re so sweet. You went to visit your friend even though you’re just getting home from tour because you knew he probably wanted someone to hang out with.”
“Yeah.” I agreed. “Kinda like the way you visited him while he was in the hospital.”
“Like you did. He’s a real sweetheart but I think he’s really lonely.”
“Really?” I asked after a beat of silence, surprised by how much that struck me.
“Yeah, can’t you tell? He needs someone the way we have each other, y’know?”
“Uh, yeah.” I took another drag.
“He really needs someone to care about him. He looked so sad when I went to visit him.”
“Oh…” I said softly, feeling another pain in my heart at the thought of him alone. I was the one who was supposed to make him feel special, to keep him company. I was his boyfriend after all.
“I know honey, it’s sad to think about. But I want you to know that you can’t blame yourself for what’s going on.”
“No, I know I know.” I reassured her before letting out a soft yawn. Little did she know it really was my fault.
“Hey, you tired?” she asked.
“Yeah, I’m actually really tired. You mind if I head off and I’ll text you tomorrow?”
“No sweetie, I don’t mind.” She didn’t even sound disappointed. “I’ll talk to you soon enough. You just need to get some sleep”
“I will. Promise.”
“Love you” she tacked on at the end.
“Love you too” I told her in monotone before hanging up. It felt so wrong to be telling her that I loved her. I didn’t love her, I loved Austin. And when that hit me, things really made sense. I knew what I had to do. A grin tugged at my lips as I stomped out the end of my cigarette, then made my way inside. The scent of warm cheese and meat wafted over to me, making my stomach growl once again. Good thing I had brought extra pizza for after, right? Haha, anyway.
“Hey.” I came into the kitchen to see Austin sat at his kitchen table, chewing on a piece of the plain pizza. His eyes flicked up to meet mine before going back to his food.
“Hey. How is she?” he asked after swallowing. I shrugged and sat across from him, still beaming.
“Fine I guess.”
“That smile looks like things went more than just fine.” He muttered. It took me a minute to process what he meant, and then another minute to glare at him.
“What’s that for?”
“Andy, for the love of god, tell me you’re not that much of an idiot.”
“Uh, that was uncalled for.”
“No, what’s uncalled for is you taking a call from your girlfriends, and then acting like it’s no big deal and coming in here looking like you won the fucking lottery. Wipe that look off your face.”
“What? No, Austin that smile wasn’t for her.” I told him, my heart sinking in my chest. Not this again.
“Just save it, alright? I don’t feel like hearing one of your BS excuses today.”
“It’s not an excuse, it’s the truth”
“Call it whatever you want, I just don’t want to deal with it today.”
“Look, Austin, please. There’s something I need to-“
“No, y’know what?” he finally stared directly at me. I cringed internally at the dagger-like look he was giving me. “I really don’t care, Andy. I can’t fucking find it in myself to listen to you.”
“Where the hell is this coming from?” I managed to string my words together, keeping my voice from shaking. I absolutely hated when Austin was angry.
“Where? Where!? I’ll tell you where, it comes from the fact that even while you were with me, holding onto me, you couldn’t resist talking to your girlfriend and blowing me off.”
“I was not blowing you off, I took five minutes! One cigarette Austin! That was all!”
“Oh my god, are you even hearing me? I. Don’t. Care. I just don’t care. I mean, for fucks sake Andy, I was going to tell you that I love you tonight and you ruined it!”
“No, baby please.” I was begging now, my heart sinking into my feet.
“Just get out! Get your clothes and get out!”
“No, c’mon Austin, please-“
“Out now!”
****
I made my way to the car in a daze, only after collecting my clothes, still not having absorbed what was happening. Within a quarter of an hour I went from cuddling to my boyfriend to being determined to finally admitting I loved him to driving away from his house, feeling numb to the touch. Only after I began driving did things fully settle in with me. Austin was mad at me. And he had been on the verge of saying he loved me too.
But instead of hearing his loving words, I kept hearing his angry shouts in my head, full of resentment. And that fact alone brought tears to my eyes, making them flow down my face in droves. I cried even as I kept my eyes focused on the road. I’m sure I probably looked pathetic, my face going red and covered in remorseful tears. I had planned everything so perfectly and all it took was one simple phone call. For fucks sake, I don’t even think it took more than 5 minutes on the phone with her.
I dragged myself into the house, my feet feeling like anvils. At that moment I would’ve liked nothing more than for one to drop right on top of me, but I knew that wasn’t happening any time soon. I engaged in my personal pity party, falling face first onto my bed and crying against my pillow like a toddler. I was angry at myself, and angry at him for overreacting.
Again.
But mostly, I felt pathetic. I should’ve fought him. I should’ve tried to fix it. I should’ve…
My mind swam in circles like this until I figured ‘well fuck it Biersack, stop torturing yourself and fucking fix it.’ So that’s what I did. At first I didn’t have a clue what to do, but it became glaringly obvious once I gave it some thought. I sat up and grabbed my phone, opening my messages with Austin. I had a habit of sometimes sending him incredibly long text messages that were better suited to being letters than they were text messages. I took a deep breath and concentrated, not wanting to mess this up any more than I already had.
-Austin, please listen. I know that you really don’t want to talk to me, and for that I don’t blame you. But I know that it’s wrong to go to bed angry and that’s something I don’t want to risk happening here. First off, I’m sorry I interrupted our evening with a phone call that, had I not been awake with you, I would have missed in its entirety. But I feel that you deserve to know: you were the focus of the latter half of our conversation. She told me she got the impression that you were very lonely, saying that you needed someone to be there for you. When she said that, it hit me like a freight train that that person who is supposed to be there for you is me. I’m that person that’s supposed to be there for you. To hold your hand and comfort you in your time of need and be sure that you’re not alone anymore (And yes, that was on purpose ). Anyway, it’s true. She helped me realize that you’re the only person I really need. You’re the person that I want to say I love you to. And, if you’ll take me back, I’ll make good on that promise, just like I always do. If you’ll take me, I promise I’ll step up my game. No more missed calls or only talking to you when it’s convenient. No more neglecting you. I really mean it this time. And what’s most ironic about this situation is that we had both decided we would finally say our three little words to one another. I hope this means something to you and that you’ll still listen to me. I want to type these words out to you, but I know that they won’t mean nearly as much being typed out on a screen as they will in person. If you’ll let me, I would greatly enjoy finally saying those words to you face to face-
After twenty minutes of typing, this is what I came up with. My mind told me that parts of it were really corny and maybe not the most necessary, but I didn’t care. I pressed send and immediately hit the power button, not wanting to torture myself. My eyes slid shut after a few minutes, suddenly realizing how exhausted I was. Heart rate dropping, I was almost asleep, when the sound of my phone ringing jolted me from my sleep. My eyes snapped open and I saw Austin’s contact information across my screen, asking me to FaceTime. I sat up and quickly pushed my hair back, then pressed accept. The 5 seconds that it took for us to connect could’ve been a fucking eternity as far as I’m concerned. As soon as his face appeared, I was completely relieved. He had a slight smile on his face, his anger far removed.
“You got my message?” I asked in spite of it sounding juvenile. The smile on his face grew wider and he nodded, making the phone shake a bit. I chuckled at his reaction, feeling my heart warm to him once again. “And?”
“I’ll do it.”
“Really?!”
“Of course Andy! I need to see you though. Like, now.”
“Come see me, please. Like, now.” I copied his words, making us both giggle like teenagers.
“I’ll see you in 15 minutes, I promise.”
“Be safe, please. No running any red lights or stop signs, ok?”
“Promise, promise.” He stopped with a giggle, not wanting to say it. I grinned and got up, changing into my pajamas and going to wait by the window. My nerves bubbled in the pit of my stomach and I couldn’t manage to stand still, tapping my thigh quickly. The moment I saw his headlights I bolted out the door and into the driveway, too excited to wait. Despite the darkness, I could see the huge grin on his face, illuminated only by the lights coming from within his car. I clasped his body close to mine, trying to keep my eyes from tearing up as I crashed our lips together frantically.
“I love you.” I breathed, unable to collect myself. The words poured off my tongue, like a long overdue relief. “I love you, I love you so much. I’m sorry it took so long and I love you.”
“I love you too Andy, you have no idea. I love you so much.” I could tell that we both had something more we wanted to say to one another, but neither of us could find the words. Instead we just embraced, holding him tight and nuzzling into his neck. As his scent filled my lungs, I knew in my heart that this was the man I was meant to love.
And that I wouldn’t have a problem doing that.