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mooncalf — Every Fanfic Ever Written
Published: 2004-12-04 10:30:19 +0000 UTC; Views: 9283; Favourites: 189; Downloads: 291
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THE EXPLANATORY FIC(CHARACTERS do something interesting. CAMERA fades to black in the middle of it.)
CAMERA: Well, I'm done here.
AUTHOR: Like hell you are.
THE BACKSTORY FIC
CHARACTER: Alas, I do not have much of a backstory.
AUTHOR: Now you do!
CHARACTER: ... hooray?
THE BACKSTORY FIC, PART 2
EXTREMELY MINOR CHARACTER: I have no backstory, no personality, and perhaps three lines of dialogue.
AUTHOR: Well, we can't have that.
THE MARY SUE
CHARACTER: I'm OOC.
MARY SUE: I'm stereotypical.
(Awkward moment.)
CHARACTER: I love you.
MARY SUE: I love you too, snookie-ookie-wookums.
THE SELF-INSERT
CHARACTER: Something is wrong.
SELF-INSERT: I can fix it!
(She does.)
CHARACTER: You're very strong.
SELF-INSERT: I can beat you all up!
CHARACTER: You're fourteen.
SELF-INSERT: And I can solve all your problems!
CHARACTER: That's wonderful! We trust you utterly!
THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT FIC
CHARACTER: We won! It's over!
AUTHOR: Like hell it is.
(New VILLAIN appears, looking startlingly like the AUTHOR.)
VILLAIN: ... rar?
CHARACTER: Well, shit. Gather everybody up again.
AUTHOR: Yay!
THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT FIC, PART 2
CHARACTER: We won! It's over!
OTHER CHARACTER: Suddenly I feel so... evil.
CHARACTER: Shit. Everybody, get back here.
YET ANOTHER CHARACTER: I'll bring the angst!
THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT FIC, PART 3
CHARACTER: So, here it is, five or twenty or a hundred years later.
OTHER CHARACTER: We're all old and we've gotten on with our lives.
(Something happens.)
CHARACTER: Well, shit. Everybody?
OTHER CHARACTER: I'll be right there! Where are my false teeth?
THE AU
AUTHOR: So if this never happened then this happened instead and this never happened and then this happened, and...
CHARACTER: ... who am I?
OTHER CHARACTER: I'm so lost. I don't think I used to be this nice.
READERS: Whoa. Cool.
THE AU, PART 2
CHARACTER: ... this isn't an AU, I'm just ridiculously OOC.
OTHER CHARACTER: I think that's thanks to the freakishly modern-day setting.
CHARACTER: ... someone, help, I'm having an identity crisis!
OTHER CHARACTER: Jeans! I'm wearing jeans!
THE FISH OUT OF WATER
CHARACTER: Help me! I've been yanked out of my world and dropped into the real world!
AUTHOR: Hi there!
CHARACTER: Help!
(See: MARY SUE.)
THE CROSSOVER
CHARACTER: Where am I?
CHARACTER FROM COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SERIES: What are you doing here?
CHARACTER: Who are you?
AUTHOR: Play nice!
(Wackiness ensues.)
THE PWP (HET)
CHARACTER: I'm straight!
CHARACTER OF OPPOSITE GENDER: What a coincidence! So am I!
(They have sex.)
THE PWP (HOMO)
CHARACTER: I'm straight!
CHARACTER OF SAME GENDER: Like hell you are.
(They have sex.)
THE CUTE ROMANCE
CHARACTER: I am flirting.
OTHER CHARACTER: I am flirting too.
CHARACTER: Aren't we cute?
OTHER CHARACTER: We are!
(They kiss, or hug, or just eye each other meaningfully.)
THE ANGSTY ROMANCE
CHARACTER: This is so wrong.
OTHER CHARACTER: Yet this is so right.
CHARACTER: I love you yet I hate you.
OTHER CHARACTER: Shut up, bitch, and kiss me.
CHARACTER: Fuck you!
OTHER CHARACTER: Hey, don't mind if I do.
CHARACTER: Noooo!
(Someone dies or kills self.)
THE CONFLICTED ROMANCE
CHARACTER: I love you!
OTHER CHARACTER: I love you!
YET ANOTHER CHARACTER: I love you too!
CHARACTER: ... shit.
OTHER CHARACTER: Angst.
YET ANOTHER CHARACTER: Woe.
CHARACTER: I just can't decide!
READERS: For god's sake! Flip a coin!
THE ANGSTFEST
CHARACTER: Woe.
(Bad shit happens.)
CHARACTER: Angst.
(More bad shit happens, sometimes in flashback.)
CHARACTER: Alas.
(CHARACTER dies or kills self.)
THE ANGSTFEST, PART 2
CHARACTER: Woe.
OTHER CHARACTER: I'm sorry.
CHARACTER: Angst.
OTHER CHARACTER: I wish I could help.
CHARACTER: Alas.
OTHER CHARACTER: Please, let me heal your soul.
CHARACTER: Okay.
(Everything becomes fine.)
THE PARODY
CHARACTER: Something OOC and highly ironic.
OTHER CHARACTER: Equally OOC and ironic response.
(OOC stuff happens.)
YET ANOTHER CHARACTER: Highly OOC ironic commentary.
(Hopefully, the READERS laugh.)
THE INCOMPETANT PARODY
CHARACTER: OOC and scatological!
OTHER CHARACTER: OCC and mispeled j0!
(Nothing happens.)
YET ANOTHER CHARACTER: OOC response!
CHARACTER: Dorky laughter!
THE POST-GAME FIC
CHARACTER: Hey, are those the credits?
OTHER CHARACTER: Well, I guess we can go on with our lives now.
CHARACTER: Okay! So, where do you want to go?
OTHER CHARACTER: ... I dunno.
AUTHOR: That's okay! I know!
THE POST-GAME FIC, PART 2
CHARACTER: Well, we've had a very sweet innocent loving relationship
for a while now.
OTHER CHARACTER: Are those the credits?
AUTHOR: You bet they are!
CHARACTER: Wanna live happily ever after, or failing that, have filthy
sex?
OTHER CHARACTER: Sure!
THE SONGFIC
CHARACTER: I quote lyrics to a popular song in a meaningful way.
AUTHOR: I am saved from having to be original.
CHARACTER: More lyrics are quoted as I perform appropriate actions
to them.
AUTHOR: I hurt people with my perceived depth.
READERS: AUGH get this BSB song out of my skull AUGH.
THE POEM
CHARACTER: Angst. Woe. Oh dear. Oh no.
AUTHOR: Hey! Not like that, that rhymes.
CHARACTER: Oh. Sorry. Um. Angst. Woe. Depression. Sentence fragments. Oddly indented phrasing.
AUTHOR: That's better.
THE HOLIDAY FIC
CHARACTER: ... but why would we celebrate Christmas? We're so obviously not Christian.
OTHER CHARACTER: And I'm not really the type to be this happy.
YET ANOTHER CHARACTER: It doesn't snow in this town!
AUTHOR: Shut up and string tinsel. My fic.
THE MOOD PIECE
CHARACTER: Nothing is happening.
AUTHOR: Mood.
OTHER CHARACTER: Nothing is still happening.
AUTHOR: Mood.
CHARACTER: But it's not happening in a very pretty and adjectival way.
OTHER CHARACTER: So it is.
AUTHOR: Mood.
(READERS snore.)
THE CONFUSING FIC
CHARACTER: What happened?
OTHER CHARACTER: Fuck if I know.
AUTHOR: It's symbolic!
CHARACTER: ... fuck.
THE CONFUSING FIC, PART 2
CHARACTER: What happened?
OTHER CHARACTER: Fuck if I know.
AUTHOR: hur hur hur th1s suxx0rz j00 r so GAY!!! R&R pl33z!!!!!!!
CHARACTER: ... fuck.
Related content
Comments: 91
This is quite possibly the most beautiful thing I ever saw.
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Nowhere does this say fanfics are bad, they're just categorised and mildly spoofed
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Where is 'Characters from another world born into a different world and lives that world's story?'
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The Fish out of Water and the AU
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Huh,thanks for telling me I must have missed it
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i used to write fanfic, maybe a year ago and now when i read this all i can think is "there's my ew fanfic... o look, i found my mlp fanfic..."
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Oh God, it's so true! I laughed a lot, especially at the "End of the World" ones. xD Favorited!
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Out of all of them, I hate Mary-Sues there worst I think xDD And the self-inserts . . . It's annoying when every male falls for them. Ugh.
But you're right xDD There is A LOT of cliched fics out there that fit the above categories.
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Funniest and most fanfic ever! And how to make fan fiction like this?
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I meant true fanfic actually
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xDDDDD
That's too right
May I translate it to spanish? So many people will laugh with this
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Ok... I made it today. Take a look
[link]
Thanks for sharing
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Hee, awesome! That's really cool to see.
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Good. I'm glad that you like it
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Thanks. I'll publish in a few days
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Wait, how do you make a doc like this? Journal? Or what? Sorry, I'm new. x)
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When you're on the submission screen, click the button that says 'add text' under 'which file' and paste your story text in there!
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Thanks! I just made a fanfic. My Chemical Romance. Q _Q If you wanna read it your more than welcome. It's not like.. Frerard or anything, but if you're not a fan, you'd understand it. I offer you, you don't need to read it. xD.
Thanks, though! I like your art and stuff, too. 
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lol yeah there is a small percent of EPIC fabulous great fa fiction and the rest is absurd...
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Lolz. Oh well, it wouldn't be fanfiction if it could happen!
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Sadly, only around 10% of all fanfiction on the internet is quality compared to everything else. If only around 40-50% of the other crud were to go then life would be better...
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me: oh i bet this is something dumb they threw together to be funny and is totaly untrue
~reads it~
that...is exactly what i wrote ಠ_ಠ damn you
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LMAO "I'm straight..." "Like hell you are" they have sex.
you just made me almost choke to death on my coffee. thank you for that.
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You've pretty much summed up my online life.
Well played, ol' chap.
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So true, but I can't place my adventure fics to any of them :'D
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wow i like fanfics but this is so true, and u forgot the one where everyone ends up being related (luke i am your father, kind of thing)
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I almost died about eight times.
"I'm straight."
"Like hell you are."
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I can't believe how exceptionally true this is! 
Not that everybody doesn't enjoy some of these types of fics from time to time xD
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LMAO! This is great! So true... Most of the time.
But really, there are a lot of good fanfics out there. I hate it when people say they are all bad. >.>
Granted, there are a LOT of bad ones, but there a LOT of decent ones, too.
Still, this is epic win.
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I found that quite informative TBH, now I know what pitfalls not to fall into when I post up my own FanFic I'm in the process of writing. Thanks ^.^
Not too mention that was very humurous too.
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Jeans! I'm wearing jeans!
This is wonderful! I do not think that I can say much more than everyone else had said already, but I like.
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You forgot The Epic With A Million Chapters... or would that be End Of The World As We Know It?
Also the kind where the author tries to make it sound good by describing every little detail about everything(dunno if it has a "name")?
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