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o-ohhai — November Cold
Published: 2011-11-09 04:07:09 +0000 UTC; Views: 2680; Favourites: 120; Downloads: 20
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Description
November sinks its icy fingersBetween my shoulder blades
And an ache blossoms inside of me.
I imagine a lacy white filigree of frost
Growing over my lungs,
Spidering over my veins
And up into my heart.
The cold crawls up my throat
So that when I breathe
I half expect snowflakes and hoarfrost
To fall from my lips.
I've got an ice-heavy heart in me
And I am breathing winter,
Wondering if my tears would freeze
If they even fell at all.
Help me shake November's chill.
Blaze passion and fire into me
And never let me pull away from the heat of you
Kiss away the rime of ice that coats me
Sink your fingers into my skin
So that cracks spiral crazily from your fingertips
So that finally, with a small shudder,
I splinter and sink into you
Burned and blackened,
I am only yours
And November will never touch me.
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Comments: 75
I love how this is so deep and you can feel the emotion. Awesome
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this is beautiful.
if i may offer any other opinion, it's this.
I've got an ice-heavy heart in me
And I am breathing winter,
Wondering if my tears would freeze
If they even fell at all.
the last line of this stanza is awkward to me. using the word 'even,' and then the words 'at all' seem redundant to me. i'm of the opinion that this would read smoother without losing any meaning if you got rid of one or the other.
but as i said, this is beautiful.
thank you for sharing.
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I can definitely see what you mean by that, and I've read it to myself both ways a couple times, just to see which one I preferred. Ultimately, I'm thinking I'll keep the 'even' in there because it feels like the right number of syllables. Removing it makes the last line a little too abrupt for my taste.
But I still appreciate the criticism
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i really love the imagry in this. i love the part about fingers, because i feel that way too sometimes. i love the last line. thank you for this
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I'm speechless once again...please don't ever stop writing...
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... I came across a Norse Goddess by the name of Ran - she's a storm goddess. This fits in perfectly with other energies I need to harness right now. Thank you!
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you inspired me to take this photo, thank you
[link]
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Absolutely beautiful, as always. Love the imagery, love the choice of words. :'D
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I hope you know your work is always amazing and it inspires me every time I read it.
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Thank you! I'm so glad it inspires you
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Such an amazing piece. It's wonderful, as always
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It sounds like someone running in a field of freedom, liberating themselves of rules and bounds of the poetry I know. Applause comes from truth, which is much of what I will say about this poem. It is gold, and so is your creativity. Bravo.
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You're welcome very much. Have you seen my gallery yet?
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No, I haven't. But I'll definitely take a look!
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It's a sad one..... read "Flight".
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I really appreciate the informal dialogue of the person, a lot of poetry nowadays is done in a very distant third person. I feel a sort of attachment to the speaker and I want to hug them as as I feel the cold air wafting from them. Its a beautiful poem and your imagery is excellent. Thank you for sharing this with us, it's wonderful.
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Ahh, glad you're back (ish?).
Once again, I'm left wanting more and feeling like you've effectively said how I feel.
Ahh, and I have to agree the fourth stanza stands out a lot, in a good way--a really good way.
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Haha! Kinda... But also not.
Anyway, thank you
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this is awesome, i sooo know how it feels. and i am alone and cold and my fire isn't with me.
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I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you feel better
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i have a cat, so i'll be fine eventually
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Cats make many things better
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You're welcome, 
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