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quartzlcc — The Best L4D2 Fanfic Ever Ch. 4
Published: 2014-01-31 21:40:14 +0000 UTC; Views: 497; Favourites: 20; Downloads: 0
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Description There was a snack machine in the saferoom.  However, the only thing remaining within it was Flaming Hot Funyuns and Take 5 bars, and no one eats those.
"Ugh, I am stranded in Savannah…" Rochelle bemoaned, exposing her dislike for the South.
"Savannah's awesome!!" Ellis exclaimed.  He hooked his thumb at the door.  "I'll show ya the adult store on the way to the mall."
"An adult store sounds like a fine place to go," Nick grinned eagerly.
The news reporter grabbed a new first aid kit to replace the one she had used on her nail, as did Ellis because he had been carrying a defib and the rules of the game don't allow you to carry both a defibrillator and medkit at the same time.  But there were two kits left.  Coach took it upon himself to eat the gauze and medical tape in both of them so they wouldn't go to waste.  He also ate the zippers, which were quite crunchy.
As they exited, Ellis noticed the several port-o-lets rented out by Sweet Relief to their lefts.  "Hold up, y'all, I gotta take a PISS."  The way his southern drawl emphasized the word 'piss' accidentally summoned a horde.
"Looks like there's been a change of plans…" Nick said gravely.  He began to rapid-fire his Glocks into the approaching crowd.  Thankfully, being a sneaky con-artist, he had purchased one of those fancy rapid-fire controllers that allows you to pull the triggers faster, so the horde didn't stand a chance (after all, they were playing on Easy).
When the crowd had thinned, Rochelle turned to Ellis. "Sweetie, didn't you need to go to the bathroom?"
"Naw, not anymore," the redneck admitted, displaying to her the dampness now soaking the crotch of his coveralls.  The battle had scared the piss out of him, literally, even though Nick had done all the work.
"What did I miss?" Coach asked from where he was gnawing on a cement curb.  He then caught a whiff of the unique scent that was the hillbilly's urine and recoiled.  "JUMPIN' JEHOSAPHAT!  MAY THE AI DIRECTOR HAVE MERCY ON YOUR IMMORTAL SOUL, BOY."
They headed west toward the sinking sun, the thin rays of light illuminating to them the foreign new world that the apocalypse had wrought upon the once beautiful city.  A single tear glinted in the corner of Ellis' baby blue eye; he was overcome by sorrow for this bleak vista of his once glorious hometown struck by the infection and turned to rubble.  Boldly, he reached up to wipe it away with his thumb, not allowing his comrades to see him in his moment of brief weakness and unmanliness; it wouldn't do to lower their morale as well.
Besides, he would have his revenge.
He would KILL ALL SONS A'BITCHES.
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