HOME | DD

shebledgreenink — Neverland
Published: 2009-05-06 04:08:48 +0000 UTC; Views: 346; Favourites: 3; Downloads: 6
Redirect to original
Description I future
“we will create a new world”
you said, and I laughed.
green grass, a white house
a studio and sammiches
and a thousand more years
slipping between our fingers like sand in an
abandoned beach.

II present
we are amateur architects
with sketched blueprints drawn
in band-aids
on our hearts.
so far we know
absolutely nothing;
your guitarface will be
the sweetest smile and
my bleeding pens will be
tangible thought and
I will carefully record the history
of every note you coax from the planet, but
how will we get there?

III past
the Earth I live in is
choked with steel and
a hundred stories shadow the sky.
our new world is where
you live, but
I am already gone,
and I can never return.
(someday, you’ll fall back to Earth too.)
Related content
Comments: 8

secretadmission [2009-05-06 04:51:31 +0000 UTC]

beautiful.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

shebledgreenink In reply to secretadmission [2009-05-07 02:49:10 +0000 UTC]

thank you.
and thank you so much for the fave.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

leigh-kath [2009-05-06 04:12:22 +0000 UTC]

I think the structure of this piece, progressing backwards through time, is interesting enough to keep the reader captivated.

However, some of your phrases and words/use of colloquial language is unsettling. Especially "sammiches".

Just had to point that out.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

shebledgreenink In reply to leigh-kath [2009-05-06 04:19:33 +0000 UTC]

thank you.

hm. I thought, for this piece, that I'd keep it as close to the truth as possible. and the truth was sammiches and guitarface, as unfanciful as they may sound.
to each his own, I suppose. thank you for the input.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

leigh-kath In reply to shebledgreenink [2009-05-06 04:20:56 +0000 UTC]

no problem.

To be honest, I say "sammiches" a lot when talking. I just can't bring myself to type it out.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

shebledgreenink In reply to leigh-kath [2009-05-06 04:22:48 +0000 UTC]

:]
I make it a point to type the same way I speak. maybe that's why.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

leigh-kath In reply to shebledgreenink [2009-05-06 04:25:03 +0000 UTC]

maybe.

it definitely bring a raw humanity to it. even if it irks me.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

shebledgreenink In reply to leigh-kath [2009-05-06 04:30:48 +0000 UTC]

isn't the human element what it's all about, anyway?

ahaha. well, it's just one poem. I won't take offense if you henceforth ignore it. :]

👍: 0 ⏩: 0