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shinga β Shame
Published: 2007-01-26 03:20:46 +0000 UTC; Views: 10167; Favourites: 189; Downloads: 0
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I couldn't make the cut. Here I am, weak and crippled, an embarrassment to the uniform. So they let me go... and gave me the title Disabled Veteran... a title I won't ever feel I deserve. I never fought a war... I never did anything of worth... I was too weak.(Note: The green thing is supposed to be a blanket or something, not a BDU jacket.)
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Comments: 114
Girl, you rock. That's all I've got to say. You just, rock. ^_^
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God, I feel for you. I'm really sorry about what's happening to you. I know how you feel though, I was born crippled too. I could walk, but not anything else. It got fixed...but came back, just not as bad. There'll be a light at the end of the tunnel, for both of us, you know? I think that you were really brave to try and be in the army and stuff. It takes a lot of courage to do that. Seriously, you're like an inspiration.
And on the the side, is the girl in the wheelgirl hero (can't remember her name) in head trip based on these experiences? Cause she's awesome too.
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She's not directly based off of them, no. The only thing she really has in common with me is that she's crippled, and not the same kind.
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you're tougher than i am i joined cadets (A uk thing for teens) and quit after a year and a half mostly coz i was bored but i was also frightened of firing the rifles my first big camp we had to use the rifles with blanks in the dark and it terrified me coz i was actually using this thing.
You'll get better and stronger i promise and hope you do
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Anyone with enough guts to enlist in the first place has my respect. Forever. You have nothing to be ashamed of.
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hey I just got back from Ft. Jackson. I'm sure everything will turn out ok. besides in a year or two you can probably get a waiver for whatever is wrong with you. the millitary is desparate for people.
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Waiver or not, I can barely walk, much less run *lol*
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Damn, I'm sorry you didn't get in. The part that counts though is you stood up for what you believe in and since you believed in it you signed up. Most people don't have the courage to do what they feel they should, and don't even try.
Is it something you can change? (did they just say you weren't in good enough shape or something?) if you really want to join, maybe you could try again after working out for a few months if thats the case.
If its a permanent thing, the courage to go for whatever you believe in and think is important is more important than most of the other factors. most of the guys I know that joined the army did it because they had nothing better to do, what they believed in had nothing to do with it. So in my books that makes you better than alot of guys who did join.
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Oh I DID get in. This happened after I was already in training at Ft Jackson. And most likely it is permanent.
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if you genuinely tried to do what you believe in, you shouldn't be ashamed. You did the part that matters most, so be proud you did it. And if it had something to do with a disagreement, you had your beliefs and they had theirs, and you shouldn't compromise your beliefs unless you believe you were wrong or someone can prove you were wrong.
At least that's what this Idealist thinks.
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Was there an accident that happened when you were training? did you sustain some sort of injury?
if that's too personal to answer, i'll shut up now, but whether it was an injury, or some sort of disagreement or some random thing they claimed wasn't good enough, I think standing up for your ideals is what makes the difference between a hero and a regular guy.
on the plus side, even though I just found your gallery a little while ago, I think i'd miss it if you were gone somewhere and couldn't add anything else, plus, I like your comments, and how you think..
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Not so much an accident, no. I have an autoimmune disorder that had never caused problems and I never even KNEW about until it flared up and then never went away. The Army never figured out what was wrong, I ended up going to a civilian doctor at home and found out the problem. I'm working on fixing it *crosses fingers* But yeah, it was hard not being able to train and never knowing WHY... I tried though, God knows I did.
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So your immune system attacks stuff it shouldn't? you an take meds for that though right?
I hope you manage to get it worked out and you don't have it getting in the way of anything you want to do.
What were you going to do in the army? Just a run of the mill soldier, or were you gonna be in research or behind a desk or a sniper or some other specialty position.
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I'm taking some herbal supplements and they help. Most meds don't work, the immune system doesn't like them.
I was going to be a supply specialist.
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I hope you figure this thing out shinga, and I'm sure you could be a great supply specialist.
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You are not weak. You are one the strongest people I know. Your work make me laugh and smile. So please don't call yourself weak again. Because that would be a lie.
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just me or u gotten a whole lot better recently ?
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hey, cheer up! don't feel sad that they let you go, i mean, now yo probably will survive instead of ding and agonizingly slow death out there in the field and uh...
this isn;t going the way i wanted i to go, but it's good
(the pic i mean)
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question: is this supposed to be a random character, or is this supposed to be a representation of you? because weak is not something i would associate with you
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You're stronger than anyone I've ever met before, and that's the truth. And those times when you feel weak, there'll be friends, loved ones and even random strangers on the net to help you feel strong again. Never forget that. <3
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I'm sorry for the splurge of mine below. I just saw your drawing and read what you wrote, both here and in your journal and well . . . it all came out.
Once again, I offer my sympathies with your feelings and situation. Thank you for your time.
~Mares Guyver
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From your journal entry, I understand that the events portrayed here occurred one year ago. Though our stories are not exactly the same, I still offer my sympathy, for nearly one year ago, I too was let go for seemingly not "making the grade."
Like you, I never got the opportunity to serve, even though I had trained four years in ROTC to become an officer in the US Air Force. During that fourth year, while I gearing up for one final semester of college and eventual commissioning, AFROTC HQ decided to launch an investigation because of a few items in my medical history. Firstmost was an occurance of asthma when I was five, something I had never suffered from since, but was the first bleep on the radar when I initially applied to the program. The next strike was an outbreak of Meckel's diverticulum during my first trip to Field Training--a potentially dangerous, but one-time congenital disorder easily corrected by quick surgery, and necessitating a return trip to Field Training the next summer. The final blow, however, and ultimate cause for the investigation was a series of trips to the school counseling center for stress and depression--nothing major, just the sort of things that come up when you're a busy student away from home. Still, it was enough of a concern to the higher-ups that they ordered an immediate psych eval to see if I was up to the task of being an Air Force officer. One month later, the final word came down that I was considered unfit for duty on medical grounds, and I was honorably discharged from the Air Force. My uniform was returned, my ROTC classes disenrolled, and my records as a cadet erased. As far as the USAF was concerned, I never existed outside a brief notation in Air Force Personnel Services.
I'm sorry if my dialouge brought back any of the negative feelings you've had as seen in this picture. I just wanted to show that, in a way, I understand the hurt, shame, and anger you must have felt, because I felt all those things too. I still feel them, from time to time, especially now, so close to the one-year anniversary of my own dismissal. If I had your artistic talent, I might feel compelled to draw something similar to what you made, but that would be a moot effort on my part.
Any consoling words I could offer have likely already been said by many here and closer to you in real life, so I will simply say that life sucks, but all we can do is stand up and keep walking forward. That's what I'm doing--working towards finishing my degree and hopefully going further, to graduate school and who knows what afterwards. I wish you the utmost luck in whatever you may choose to do in your own life, and that whatever it is, that you find happiness in it.
~Mares Guyver
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Aww...
Very nice picture though...^-^ Full of emotion...
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You wanted to serve. The fact that your body gave out does NOT reflect poorly on you as a person.
Most people never even go as far as you did, even though they may be full of grand words.
At the end of the day it is actions that speak, not words, and you at least tried to be heard.
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Sick of hearing your not weak yet? Well, if everyone's saying it there has to be some truth to it, no? I feel that wanting to fight for your country was enough. The fact you tried out is awesome! I bet you got a whole bunch of great experience from it. Don't get too down on yourself, life is full of things we don't like or want. We just have to see the good of the bad experences. God, I sound like one of those annoying wise people...but it's true! Besides, if you had gotten drafted or something, you wouldn't be able to make your pictures for a long while. What a crime THAT would be! I know I'd be mad...So be happy, okay?
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Chin up- Life is only worth what you say it is. It's not your fault and it never will be. There are more ways than one to aid this country and these people, never forget that. Nobody is useless.
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Hey there 
Fighting a war doesn't make you 'special'. Being willing to put your life on the line to protect those who can't protect themselves does
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I don't know whether constructive criticism is welcome here so just ignore this if it isn't.
It's a very emotive piece and well done in that department, as well as the shading in general, but two things I noticed: 1. the eye(s) (reflection/pupil missing... and I do realise that could also have a symbolic meaning so oh well) and 2. the chain/necklace doesn't cast any shadow which makes it look a little off to me.
Just my 2 cents worth...
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thats so very emotional *tears well up in eyes*
dont be ashamed of the title, at least it meant you gave it your all, it doesnt matter if you didnt fight
you TRIED thats what matteres
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I was drawn to this pic by the thumbnail which had enough emotion packed into it. Then I saw the full view and I'm touched by the expression, the pose, everything! It's just, ah... I love it. I dunno, I've got this weird thing for melancholy pics.
Anyways, wonderful work. I absolutely love your art style!
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Always remember, you have courage that most of the citizens and liberals in our country don't have. At least you tried, you are strong for joining and trying your best, don't let a stupid injury get you down. You still have courage and discipline, that should make you proud and even stronger.
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I...I dont know if i can say anything that will help you, but, damnitt, its about how you deal now. Its a mental test, and i dont know you, but man, at least you were brave enough to go there and...not many people (girls especially) do this...and i dont know you but you seem liek a good person. Keep trucknig, man, dont feel shame. : (
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You are absolutly a soldier, and deserving of the title "Veteran". I'm personally the daughter of an enlisted Navy, and the grandaughter to men who served in both Navy and Army, so i have a great deal of respect for the military.
You did something that few others could, or can. You joined because you wanted to - and you didn't want to leave. You left from circumstance. And i know you've said that given the chance, you have thought of returning. MANY MANY kudos for that.
There's no reason to feel that you're "weak." You're stronger than most.
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Hm.
Well, I don't know you personally, but from what I do know you don't seem like an embarassment to the uniform to me. I know some people that would try to get out of service on account of a papercut. They definately wouldn't try to get back in if they were crippled.
Okay, so you didn't fight in a war. You want to - you want to fight, and I can understand that. I can't fight either. I'm only fifteen, I can't even vote on my country's future, much less fight for it. And I know it's not the same - youth sort of cures itself - but I know a little bit of what you're feeling, I think.
I dunno what I'm trying to say. Just letting you know you have support.
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Veteran is a term, A fratrity of belief and understand that comes from being part of the Armed Services in what ever Country you are in. it is a Term of Respect, forged from a sense of being, of Duty. A willingness to serve, being called upon or not called upon is not part of that.
[link]
he talking about being a paladin but really being a soldier is the same, you severing means some else didn't have to. It a pretty thankless job generally I seldom see people soldiers the respect owed. Don't lose your faith in yourself! Don't let others judge you.
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My name is Jason Draksler Former Staff Sergeant (E-5) United States Air Force. I severed for almost 5 years, and left with an Honorable Discharge, and that makes me no more or less then a soldier then you. You did something a few can even hope to doβ¦ You were a part of something few would ever understand. You are a soldier; you always will be a soldier. My grandfather and Uncle are both βDisabled Vetsβ But that doesnβt make them any less of a soldierβ¦.
You are a soldier
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Very nice. Love how the emotion is shown.
Great job!
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Girl, you have gone farther than I and many other Americans are willing to go. You signed up, and you were a part of something bigger than yourself. You are willing to put your life on the line for your country and that is something great indeed.
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As a fellow soldier myself, and one who might be looking at a Disabled Veteran status myself in a few weeks, I feel your pain with it. I won't pretend to fully understand what you're going through (yet) or why the conferred that staus on you.
But you are NOT an embarassment to the uniform and you DO deserve the title. You have doen what many in our country don't do, and thats step up and enlist. You were willing to go to war for your country and defend what we stand for. Even if the majority wishes we don't exist anymore... (personal story there, and it's not about me right now lol)
The simple fact you were there and willing makes up for everything. No matter how small you think you contributed to the military, you did a lot. Trust me in that at least.
If you were a Marine, Id say Semper Fi.
If you were an Officer, Id salute you.
As an Air Force troop to (as i recall) an Army soldier, You have my undying respect as both fellow soldier and deviant.
As a civilian, thank you for stepping up and serving our country. God Bless.
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I second DarkWraith21's sentiment.
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I donβt know how much comfort this will be, but as someone with his own disabilities (Aspergerβs syndrome, Dyslexia, and a speech impediment) Iβve come to believe itβs not the sum of our weaknesses that defines us, but the totality of our strengths.
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I really don't know your story at all, but I'm gonna try...
First off, you have done what many many others cannot, you stepped up to serve your country. That in and of itself is a great honor. It doesn't matter whether or not you served in war, you gave yourself the possibility to serve. You said you were ready to fight and die for your country, but now, you must do something even more difficult. You must live for your country, which is far more difficult than dying. You must be a living symbol to those around you. You must live day after day knowing that even though you may not wear the uniform anymore, you are still fighting for your country.
And this is coming from an American and an Eagle Scout, I'm not sure how familiar you are with either, but trust me, honor is very very important to us, and you have shown me you are extraordinarily gifted and honorable.
As for your handicap, that is nothing more than a reminder of your strength. We are given nothing that we can't handle. Everything that comes our way is a lesson and a test to show us what we are truly made of.
Even though I do not know you, I know that you are an amazing person. You are one of those few who can reach out across oceans and touch others through your artwork. Very few have that gift. Honor is with all you are. Never give up, never give in.
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Well, As I'm sure you can see, You've got a lot of supporters! I am, of course, one of them as well.
This is a powerful piece, very moving!
I won't say, "don't feel sad," because things like that happen to us, and it can make us sad, angry, and a whole slew of other emotions. Feeling those emotions is what makes up human, and what helps us get past it.
I will saw, however, to hang in there, you seem like one of the best and most heartfelt people I've seen on here, if a bit geeky. 
Keep up your spirits, and the artwork, we ALL are rooting for you!!
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