Comments: 18
Aelita15 In reply to The-Triforce-Kid [2012-06-11 20:41:49 +0000 UTC]
yeah but i would wanna hided in your arms right now
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The-Triforce-Kid In reply to Aelita15 [2012-06-11 20:44:32 +0000 UTC]
an i'd love to have ya do that i wish we could
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TeddyLama [2012-06-20 00:02:20 +0000 UTC]
This was a good chapter, like the rest of them, but then again, I don't find it just as good as the last one.
But I would not say it is bad, so don't get me wrong.
The reason that it's not as good as the previous ones is probably that the sentences are not built up as well as they've been earlier, and it also seemed like the actions were a bit rushed. It didn't seem like you enjoyed writing this, as it has seemed with the ones before this.
Never the less, the actions in this chapter is not bad. I like that we get to know more about Victors past, even though also the explanation on this is also rushed. I think it could have been better had it been built like the dialogs in the chapters before this.
The thing I liked most about the chapter is definitively the monster. It's the 'worst' one so far, which is positive
Okay work, but I think this one could have been improved
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The-Triforce-Kid In reply to TeddyLama [2012-06-20 00:06:36 +0000 UTC]
haha tanks a ton
and yeah sorry ii can guarantee the other chapters are gooder sorry again
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ShadowEevee128 [2012-06-16 20:30:29 +0000 UTC]
oh man, daylight can't even kill them anymore. This is getting really bad.
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Aelita15 [2012-06-11 20:00:44 +0000 UTC]
is it safe to say that this chapter scared me......I like it when roy woke u
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