HOME | DD
unnoticeable ā If only you knew-revised
Published: 2005-02-24 05:43:32 +0000 UTC; Views: 129; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 6
Redirect to original
Description
If you knew how much Iād hurt,How many tears Iād cry,
Would you still have left,
Would you still be gone?
If you knew how much I wanted you,
How much I needed you,
Would you still have left,
Would you still be gone?
If you knew how much I loved you,
How much I cared for you,
Would you still have left,
Would you still be gone?
If you knew how much I would have given for you,
How many times I would have died for you,
Would you still have left,
Would you still be gone?
If you knew how much I had hated you,
How much anger there was,
Would you still have left,
Would you still be gone?
And finally, if you knew you were nothing to me now,
No longer do I think of you, love you, hate you,
Would you still have left,
Would you still be gone?
Related content
Comments: 9
The ending on the first draft ended better, i think. Despite it being an ultimatum, it flowedbetter, whereas thi ending makes it feel as quite clumsy.
š: 0 ā©: 0
i absolutely love it -this is the best of the two no question. it really makes you think
š: 0 ā©: 0
I think I definitely like the ending on this one better--it's more defiant; though the tense of the first one was preferred.
š: 0 ā©: 0
Hm. Of the two, side by each, I think Ilike this one better. It has more sense of closure to its ending. A good way to end something that is obviously painful.
Russell
š: 0 ā©: 0
personally i like this version better, dunno why... i think it is the ending... Nicely written mate
š: 0 ā©: 0
I was about to say that perhaps you should change the tense or wording slightly in the last stanza but then I had to smack myself because that would be idiotic. I think that this is perhaps one of the most moving pieces I've read from your collection basicly for its mere simplicity. I like how you kept the first lines of each stanza on a similar area, never really straying from your formula and then tied it together in the end. Flawless in my opinion.
š: 0 ā©: 1
Thankyou very much 
š: 0 ā©: 0
From reading this, I'm picking up the sense that you never really revealed as much as you had wanted to the person you are writing about, unless this is a fictional character. It sounds like it could be a song. I looked at this one before I looked at the original though, which I am going to look at now.
š: 0 ā©: 1
Yea that's about right, I wish I had told him everyday how I felt, but I guess that's the way it is, there's always going to be something in your life that you regret doing or not doing. I love to hear whether you liked the origianl or this version better, I'm undecided myself.
š: 0 ā©: 0