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WishingUnderThatStar — Summer fruit by-nc-nd
#dld #dlr #love #poetry #romance
Published: 2009-11-07 21:01:11 +0000 UTC; Views: 1628; Favourites: 32; Downloads: 12
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Description The summer fruit of her kiss,
blossoms into soft red petals
and deepens the kiss with her thorns.
I prick my tongue and bleed,
showing my devotion to her.

The ripened berries burst,
rouge and orange mingling onto the pallet.
It burns like acid,
fighting for survival.

Those passionate deep lips,
fall and freeze over my skin.
She loses the spring in her step,
and her green fingers hesitates to touch soil.

Back to hibernation,
where her dreams reflect reality.
Time turns back momentarily
and the cycle begins, bringing a new year.
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Comments: 35

Jaiilyroma [2012-02-13 10:26:25 +0000 UTC]

What a beautiful piece of writing! This piece of literature really helps me picture the image you are trying to show. Perfect!

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WishingUnderThatStar In reply to Jaiilyroma [2012-02-15 22:30:48 +0000 UTC]

Apologies for the late reply!
This was my first serious piece of writing so that's why I love it. It may not be my best piece but I'm proud of it nonetheless.

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Life-On-dA-Bank [2011-10-13 20:18:41 +0000 UTC]

You have a wonderful tone in the way you write....
"...Back to hibernation, where her dreams reflect reality..."
Full of figurative devices, metaphors, similes and of course the mentionable amount of wonderfully constructed personification!
If ever I was to grow as a writer, it's you I'd aspire to be. You have a gorgeous style of writing!

Keep this wonderful work up!

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BlueSoulber [2011-07-08 16:01:47 +0000 UTC]

this is beautiful writing...

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WishingUnderThatStar In reply to BlueSoulber [2011-07-09 21:19:50 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so much! That's very kind of you to say so.

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Infinite-Finite [2010-08-10 16:02:12 +0000 UTC]

I smelt the smells, I saw the colours, I felt the prick of the thorns. I fav'd this poem instantly.

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WishingUnderThatStar In reply to Infinite-Finite [2010-08-12 09:40:47 +0000 UTC]


Thank you once again for the comment and fave!

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Infinite-Finite In reply to WishingUnderThatStar [2010-08-12 12:37:23 +0000 UTC]

No problem

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fishxlantern [2010-06-23 06:10:02 +0000 UTC]

Hey, I'm just about to accept this for The Lit. Workshop's gallery ... And just wondering so I know where to put it, do you want this in the Critique Requests folder, or some other folder?

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WishingUnderThatStar In reply to fishxlantern [2010-06-23 11:54:07 +0000 UTC]

Can you put this poem in for critique, and the other one as a feature, please? I haven't received a lot of critique for this, so I would like to hear a few thoughts.
Thank you very much.

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magicbut3rfly [2010-06-06 17:10:36 +0000 UTC]

beautiful poetry it's all full of summer flavour

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WishingUnderThatStar In reply to magicbut3rfly [2010-06-06 18:35:04 +0000 UTC]

Thank you very much! That is lovely of you to say so.

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magicbut3rfly In reply to WishingUnderThatStar [2010-06-06 18:49:59 +0000 UTC]

you're welcome dear

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londonrey [2010-06-02 00:00:48 +0000 UTC]

Hey, wow! It's a nature poem that I didn't get bored reading! Your words just seem so carefully chosen, there's a lovely flow about this that is impressive. Also, there's a definite intensity about this that makes it effective.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

WishingUnderThatStar In reply to londonrey [2010-06-05 13:09:21 +0000 UTC]

Thank you once again. Yes, I constantly changed certain parts of the poem because I wasn't feeling confident about it, but now I think that it has turned out quite well.
And thank you very much for the watch! It is much appreciated.

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londonrey In reply to WishingUnderThatStar [2010-06-05 13:45:24 +0000 UTC]

I only watch people who I want to see more of, it was definitely deserved. (:

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D-YoungFox [2010-01-23 20:26:58 +0000 UTC]

i love it. so simple yet interesting and beautiful. pure talent!!

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WishingUnderThatStar In reply to D-YoungFox [2010-01-23 20:33:23 +0000 UTC]

Thank you very much for the compliment and for the watch! It's lovely of you to do that.

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D-YoungFox In reply to WishingUnderThatStar [2010-01-23 20:42:02 +0000 UTC]

No problem at all, I really like your poems and your writing <3 it's amazing! *thumbs up*

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bubblegum11 [2010-01-03 20:55:29 +0000 UTC]

This is beautiful. <3

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WishingUnderThatStar In reply to bubblegum11 [2010-01-04 15:28:17 +0000 UTC]

Thank you very much for the comment and the favourite! I'm really glad that you enjoyed it.

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spoems [2009-11-13 16:41:55 +0000 UTC]

i really love the first two stanzas.

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WishingUnderThatStar In reply to spoems [2009-11-13 19:56:28 +0000 UTC]

Thank you very much for your comment!
I liked 'Earthen Eyes' and how the last 3 stanzas flowed together so that it built up to the ending. I think the 4th and 5th stanzas will stick in my mind for a good while.

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spoems In reply to WishingUnderThatStar [2009-11-13 20:56:18 +0000 UTC]

well, thanks for reading it and offering your comments.

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WishingUnderThatStar In reply to spoems [2009-11-13 20:57:46 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome!

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skyeconnelly [2009-11-09 03:17:43 +0000 UTC]

I must say the third stanza is by far my favorite, but the whole thing is just catpivating. Well done

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WishingUnderThatStar In reply to skyeconnelly [2009-11-09 13:37:25 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so much! I really liked 'Torment' (as you could tell from the comment that I had left)
That really means a lot to me so thank you again.

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skyeconnelly In reply to WishingUnderThatStar [2009-11-09 15:43:14 +0000 UTC]

You're more than welcome!!!

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PaperBoatDreams [2009-11-08 15:12:48 +0000 UTC]

very cool nature poem
just wrote one myself.. but to a lesser product lol.. i could take some tips from you O.o

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WishingUnderThatStar In reply to PaperBoatDreams [2009-11-08 19:06:29 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so much! I appreciate it and I loved 'Rolling Sky' very much!
"There was a spot that held my exact shape
And it provided comfort
That no human being could.
The land hugged me tighter, much tighter,
Than a woman ever did."
Those are my favourite lines even if they made me a bit sad but the imagery is wonderful!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

PaperBoatDreams In reply to WishingUnderThatStar [2009-11-09 04:02:51 +0000 UTC]

that was sweet of you to look :]
you're good writer.. i got my on you ;]

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WishingUnderThatStar In reply to PaperBoatDreams [2009-11-09 13:18:03 +0000 UTC]

Well I really did enjoy it so it's no problem.
Thanks very much for the watch and the compliment!

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DailyLitDeviations [2009-11-08 08:06:12 +0000 UTC]

Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by DLD (Daily Literature Deviations) in a news article that can be found here: [link] Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by ing the News Article.

Keep writing and keep creating.

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WishingUnderThatStar In reply to DailyLitDeviations [2009-11-08 12:25:21 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so much! Of course I'll look and fave the page. It's the least I can do!

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DailyLitDeviations In reply to WishingUnderThatStar [2009-11-09 18:12:38 +0000 UTC]

It was our pleasure.

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