HOME | DD
zeus-thighs — heartbeat echo
Published: 2012-07-11 06:12:31 +0000 UTC; Views: 443; Favourites: 14; Downloads: 1
Redirect to original
Description
here she was again, staring at a blank screen, her fingers poised delicately over the keys, stories just begging to be written but her mind was silent. her thoughts were all of you. you with the autumn eyes. you with the smile that made her knees weak and a butterfly riot start in her stomach.
her thoughts were of your arms around her, your voice in her ear. she closed her eyes and her lips parted, ever-so-slightly, as the phantom of your lips brushed against hers. whether you did it willingly or not, ghosts of you lingered in every crevice of her.
when you kissed you exhaled yourself into her greedy lungs and there you drifted downwards, nestling in her ribcage. you spread, multiplied and ventured further through her body so that her fingertips remembered the softness of your skin and her ribs remembered the urgency of your fingers running across them like a pianist racing to a great crescendo.
you nestled yourself under her heart so that she could feel you there, in the echo of time between each beat. that's all you were really, a needed pause, silence in the constant noise. you were there for a second, gone the next and then back again. and when her heart beat faster you were like a broken record player spinning wildly out of control.
here, gone, here, gone.
you are the cause of her goosebumps. the cause of her tears and her joy and her sadness. you are everything she ever wanted. but she is not everything you wanted. so while you found comfort in another's arms she sat staring at her computer screen wondering when your name appeared there, page after page after page.
and with each beat of her heart your ghosts lingered, a wisp of smoke, an echo.
a faint reminder of something that was once there, but has long since gone.
Related content
Comments: 9
Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by DailyLitDeviations and has been selected as our “Pick of the Day”. It is featured in a news article here: dailylitdeviations.deviantart.… and on our main page.
Keep writing and keep creating.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thank you so much!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
This is so poignant and intense all at the same time...I think my favorite part is: "you nestled yourself under her heart so that she could feel you there, in the echo of time between each beat. that's all you were really, a needed pause, silence in the constant noise."
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
You had me at the very first line. Great starter. I especially love how the subscript adds an extra layer of delicateness to all of this.
It tells such a beautiful story. Your writing style feels whispery and subtle even if the story behind it is violently heartbreaking. My only suggestion would be to give your work more line breaks.
It reads better as poetry than prose, for example the last few lines would probably leave a bigger impact if you give them separate lines. It works well.
I have nothing bad to say about this. Really.
when you kissed you exhaled yourself into her greedy lungs and there you drifted downwards, nestling in her ribcage. you spread, multiplied and ventured further through her body so that her fingertips remembered the softness of your skin and her ribs remembered the urgency of your fingers running across them like a pianist racing to a great crescendo.
Wow. Just wow.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thank you so so so much for commenting on this for me.
I apologize if this is something really obvious, but what do you mean by subscript? My writing style has changed over the past few years and more so over the past few months. I've drawn inspiration from a lot of writers here on deviantart especially *ohsparrowsong and 
As for the story ... I draw a lot of my inspiration from a girl I know, actually. She's become a muse of sorts for me. Do you have a muse?
Thank you, again for taking the time to comment on this. I've edited it a bit, added more breaks in the text and fixed the ending like you suggested. I agree, it does leave a bigger impact vs leaving them together. I'll have to remember to add more breaks in my works, my recent ones tend to have a similar flow to this. 
I apologize for having such a long reply back. I'm just really really happy to have someone of your caliber review my work. It means so much.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
It was my pleasure. 👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Oh no, it's fine. You know how you type up your comments and your pieces? You write a
And I completely understand. =corina90 , ~paperheartsyndrome and to some extent, *estallidos too. Reading their work helped me review mine.
Yes, I do.
I noticed! Great job.
You're very welcome.
It's totally fine, and I'll tell you what I tell everyone who says that. I don't have caliber, just... pain I guess. Or something that makes me write, I don't know and you and I are the same kind of people; we're writers. You have great talent. Seriously.
