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zharth — Bigender

#diptych #female #gender #male #selfportrait #bigender
Published: 2016-07-08 14:35:55 +0000 UTC; Views: 3598; Favourites: 14; Downloads: 25
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Description This is what I mean when I say that I am "bigender". I could pass for male or female depending on a whim (and sometimes on the same day and in the same outfit, depending on who you talk to - which always throws me for a loop).

To be fair, I don't actually dress like the figure on the left (anymore). I mean, I never wore boxers sticking out of my jeans - I think that looks ridiculous. But those are my old jeans. And I go topless when I can get away with it - e.g., at the pool (where there's no hiding my genitalia in a woman's swimsuit), and at the park in my athletic shorts, when it's hot.

Which goes to show, I would commit to presenting as female all the time, but there are just certain limitations to my anatomy. And because I don't feel dysphoric to the extent that I feel the extreme solution of surgery would be warranted (not all trans-people feel like they were born in "the wrong body" - their brain may not match their body, but why should it have to?), it's just going to happen that on some days I'm going to look more male, and other days more female. And some days I'll be confusingly androgynous - because I don't think there's anything wrong with, for example, draping a flat-chested, broad-shouldered body in a dress. (Because why should you have to have breasts in order to enjoy wearing a dress?). Vive la différence.

Also, from a psychological standpoint, I feel neither 100% male nor 100% female. I've rejected many of the masculine stereotypes that I don't identify with - aggression, competition, etc. I feel softer, gentler, more feminine. But at the same time, there are some fundamental aspects of femininity that I can never assimilate. Like, I have zero interest in babies, and completely lack any kind of a mothering instinct (which honestly doesn't bother me). At the same time, I have some masculine interests, like my taste in music (decidedly un-feminine).

So, honestly, if male and female were written up on a sheet in two columns, I would have to take a little from each column in order to make up the person that I am. This is probably true for most people - very few are walking stereotypes for one or the other gender (you might find that even that bodybuilder owns a lap poodle). But while most people are comfortable identifying with one gender or the other (and usually the one that matches their anatomy, and that they were assigned at birth), I'm not. It's as simple as that. Calling myself male feels wrong in some ways. And calling myself female feels wrong in other ways. So why can't there be more options?
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Comments: 10

reginetta36 [2017-11-01 13:49:27 +0000 UTC]

pretty

👍: 1 ⏩: 0

redviking1019 [2016-07-16 04:20:18 +0000 UTC]

this is very awesome please keep up the beautiful work

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

zharth In reply to redviking1019 [2016-07-16 13:45:36 +0000 UTC]

Thank you! Will do.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Eyewatcher2010 [2016-07-11 13:57:12 +0000 UTC]

I don't know how you did that, but you are really handsome either when you're dressed like a man, or when you're dressed as a woman ^^ So the outfit doesn't count...

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

zharth In reply to Eyewatcher2010 [2016-07-11 14:21:19 +0000 UTC]

It's just a natural talent, I guess!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

hardgoods [2016-07-09 03:52:35 +0000 UTC]

Be anything and everything you want to be. You can just be!  Sexy, either way, or any combination of ways!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

zharth In reply to hardgoods [2016-07-09 14:20:55 +0000 UTC]

Thank you! Sadly, not everyone is so accepting of human diversity.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

hardgoods In reply to zharth [2016-07-09 21:33:54 +0000 UTC]

Fuck the ones who don't!  If they make stupid asshole comments its their problem- don't make it yours! They are the assholes not you.
It doesn't matter if you are the most perfect human alive-- you could be Jesus Christ and they would find fault with something. So get over them-- it is not worth it.  Whatever they say  , you are very good looking and very sexy as a man or woman. Their pissy ass comments don't change that!  So if you want to dress like a female and live a female experience as best you can, then go for it. When you have to be a guy for some reason or choose to be a guy, then be a guy. just enjoy yourself and embrace those that love you or accept you and just ignore those that are really stupid and want to try to bring you down. Don't let them hurt you-  you are beautiful so just "BE"!   

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

zharth In reply to hardgoods [2016-07-11 14:30:51 +0000 UTC]

Thanks for the vote of confidence.

It's not always that easy. Saying "fuck you" to the haters is one thing (and I do it every chance I get), but then having to live with the knowledge that people disapprove of you day in and day out can eat away at your self-esteem over time. As much as I don't let what other people think dictate the way I live my life, their opinions and reactions still affect me. And when it's somebody close to you - a friend or family member - who you can't just remove from your life, for any number of reasons (including not wanting to lose them), it does become your problem.

It's sad that people's stupid little opinions can make other people feel bad about themselves. It sucks. But it's human nature. Still, that's why it's important to have places like this website where I can express myself and find the people who like me and respect me for who I am, and don't expect me to be anyone else. 

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

hardgoods In reply to zharth [2016-07-12 04:30:13 +0000 UTC]

Yes, I understand what you are saying.  It is not a one rule fits all world.  There are all kinds of shades of grey and exceptions to that rule.
And yes, it is great you can express yourself the way you want on DA.

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