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Menaria — Strict Soldier - When an order is just an excuse.
Published: 2014-04-01 14:14:02 +0000 UTC; Views: 1001; Favourites: 6; Downloads: 0
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Description ARTIST'S NOTE: Before you read that, I recommend to check out those links first, which are the base for this story:

wario-girl.deviantart.com/art/…
comments.deviantart.com/1/4440…
fav.me/d77iuas

I'm sorry for my English in advance.
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Silence.
    The kind of silence that makes the quietest sound spread an echo across the office. Strict Soldier hates it, he always felt more comfortable on a battlefield, where flying bullets and explosions keep him busy.
    He sits to his desk, staring at bunch of reports that he already read a few times. Each time it's just like a failed attempt to keep himself away from the thoughts that bother him. At this point he just can't focus on reading what he already memorized. His mind started to escape to the distant pictures, memories that he wish he could lock somewhere and never see again, but it's impossible. They always appear whenever there's nothing he could keep himself busy with.
    Soldier rest head on his hand, closed eyes trying to relax and begs himself to not remember again. But the more he fights it, the more focused the images appear to be.

"You are wrong. You were always wrong."


Strict clenched eyes when he heard words that felt like a cold steel slowly piercing trough his chest.
He knows that it's his inner voice, whispering what he truly don't want to hear.
He knows that his privates have way too much respect for him to say anything like that.
He KNOWS That they don't KNOW.

"But what if they find out?"

"What if they know what have you done to THEM?"


-"Stop." - Strict's irritation grew to the level that he started to respond under his breath.
-"I was only fulfiling the orders."

"They looked you in the eyes and begged for mercy-"


-"I said stop it!" - Clenches teeth and lower head, feeling like it's not only a voice in his head, but just like somebody is standing over him. The voices seem so real that he nearly could feel a disdain look on himself.


"You think that training those people will make you forget what kind of a betrayal you are??"
"Disgusting, pitiful, heartless..."


-"ENOUGH!!!" - Strict Soldier raised from his seat and yelled so loud that echo held in the office for next few seconds.

Then he realized that he's not alone.

He looked ahead and saw Sallie - one of his privates. She's standing there, pale and shaking from the yell that Strict made all of sudden. He was so deep in his own thoughts that he completely forgot that she was supposed to come to his office today. It was a surprise to see a Soldier Girl in front of him. He started to wonder how much of his senseless muttering she heard, before he "yelled at her" for no reason.
    After all he felt relieved. Finally something and someone to draw his attention away from his memories. Strict took a deep breath and walked closer to Sallie. Stands straight and hides hands behind his back.

-"I have ENOUGH of hearing you underrate yourself just because you can't rocket-jump!"- Forces a small smile, even though he still didn't put himself together after what he had to go trough a while ago. He wanted to make sure that she won't start to suspect anything from his strange behavior.

-"You are going to train under MY watch! And I don't want to hear any excuses!"


"That is an order."

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Comments: 7

MonsieurSaboteur [2014-04-02 01:08:32 +0000 UTC]

I liked reading this a lot- it helps flesh out Strict Soldier's personality very much. Your descriptions of personality and emotion are also good as well, probably better than my own and I am a native english speaker. Your dialogue is also well written and doesn't seem stagnant or flat, while you also don't overuse cliche descriptions such as "said", "suddenly", et cetera et cetera. It's also laid out very well so that there aren't any huge blocks of text that make it difficult for some readers to make it through. Overall I give it a thumbs up. Yay~ 

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Wario-Girl [2014-04-01 22:36:32 +0000 UTC]

You know, I was surprised you have written a response to this. But reading this really put a smile on my face. In all honesty, I pretty much wrote that because I needed to vent, and was fed-up with trying to prove people inside and outside the internet.

This was a pleasure to read, and your English is just fine. I enjoyed every single word in it. And it also shows a side of Strict in which I often wondered. Thank you so much for featuring me this, and this was fantastic. That side of Strict really touched something in me. It's such an honor. Thank you~

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Shy-Sniper [2014-04-01 17:07:54 +0000 UTC]

So Strict is getting visions and hearing voices, just like Shy? 

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Menaria In reply to Shy-Sniper [2014-04-01 17:50:27 +0000 UTC]

No. he thinks too much.

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Shy-Sniper In reply to Menaria [2014-04-01 19:14:10 +0000 UTC]

Ah, makes more sense. He ain't going insane like Shy.

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A-Hippocampus [2014-04-01 16:49:10 +0000 UTC]

I'm excited Sounds like a good story.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Fortressgamer1 [2014-04-01 14:23:13 +0000 UTC]

Oh lord

This might lead up to a comic or a whole series I like it

👍: 0 ⏩: 0