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NikkiSevenPilgrim of the Year to Be
Published: 2011-08-16 18:50:14 +0000 UTC; Views: 9485; Favourites: 85; Downloads: 405
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Description The night was crisp, and Doctor Jazz was making his rounds again.

His first visit was to Mrs Madrigal at the far end of the valley. Her triplets were feverish, so he calmed and soothed them with the medicines in his little black bag until they fell into a rhythmic sleep. He left their worried mother with a chill pill and instructions to bring them to the surgery in the morning.

Back on the path, feet pumping, heart thumping, cane tapping, he scaled the ascent to Beggar's Farm, where Mr Williams was feeling crotchety. The problem was minor so his work was minimal and the visit brief.

He paused at the farm gates to enjoy the cooler breeze of the hilltop and watch the stars in their slow spiral dance. He patted the pockets of his long frock coat to locate his pipe, and smoked a bowl as he traced the dark line of the hills across the way and the yellow lights of the houses in the village below. A sheep bleated in a nearby field and he was content. Life in the valley was harmonious, a pastoral idyll.

He strolled slowly back home, swinging his cane happily in one hand and his black bag in the other as gravity helped him descend. Going down was always easier.

As he neared the village he felt a dissonance. He stopped, alert now, eyes sharp and ears keen. Sounds of laughter and a singalong ballad from the pub, the breeze rustling through trees and hedges... There. Someone standing in the shadows of the old chestnut.

"Good evening," the doctor called.

The figure stepped forward, gaunt and dark, carrying a black staff. A stranger.

"Good evening, doctor," he replied in a deep baritone.

"You have me at an advantage, sir. Do I know you?"

"No," the stranger said. "I am a traveller. A pilgrim, if you will."

"A traveller, eh? We haven't seen many travellers in these parts for a long time. How do you know I'm a doctor?"

"Frock coat, black bag, silver-headed walking cane and an air of purpose on a nocturne walk. I was right then?"

"Indeed," Jazz replied, then paused. What does one say to a stranger? He had forgotten. The silence stretched out as the stranger waited. One beat. Two. Jazz shook himself. "Where are you going?"

"Forward."

"That is a direction, not a destination."

"I do not know the destination. None of us do."

"It seems an unsettling way to travel."

"There is no choice."

"You could settle down somewhere. You could settle here; there's always work for a good pair of hands, and we are hospitable, I assure you."

The stranger smiled. "I should like that very much, and I thank you for the offer. It seems a beautiful place to rest. But I cannot. We must be on our way."

"We? What do you mean, sir?"

"The path is calling."

"I hear nothing but the rhythm of the valley."

The stranger looked sadly at the doctor, raised his staff and slammed its butt onto the ground. The thump echoed.

"No, no, no!" the doctor cried. "You missed the beat. Listen, it goes like this." He tapped his cane on the ground to demonstrate the timing, then added the backbeat.

The stranger shook his head and slammed his staff down again. The ground shook. The doctor staggered, but managed to keep his cane tapping in time.

"You are very strong-willed," the pilgrim said.

"Who the devil are you?" the doctor asked, then felt a moment's panic as he took in the stranger's dark clothes and lean face. The devil? Surely not. He kept his cane tapping.

"I am Requiem."

"No! No! We will have no dirges here. No funeral marches, pibrochs or wake-tunes." The doctor redoubled his efforts, his cane blurring as he added triplets, graces and fills to the beat and backbeat. He tapped the tune of the village, the valley and the heathery hills. He tapped the story of its people, young and old, of their labours and their hopes. He tapped the story of himself, for he realised only the affirmation of life could save him. Could save them all.

"I'm sorry," the stranger whispered. "I'm so sorry." He brought his staff down a third time, and the sound broke like thunder over the hills, deep, rolling and unstoppable. Jazz's cane clattered to the ground and tapped no more.

The stranger sank to his knees. "It is done," he said, and slapped his palm three times on the ground to mark the end. Then he bowed his head and wept.

Hours later, when the sun touched his neck, he rose to his feet and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. He took up his black staff and walked down the grassy hollow way between the humps and bumps marking the site of forgotten houses, down to the crumbled remains of a ruined church, little more than foundations now. Nothing left but sheep to crop the turf, where generations had sought salvation.

He reached inside his coat for a sprig of mountain heather, tied into a posy with a black ribbon, and knelt to lay it on a fallen headstone. He traced the lines of the ancient inscription, clearing away soil and moss with a fingernail until he could make out the name.

"Don't you see, doctor?" the pilgrim wept. "All tunes must end, or they just repeat until they fade."
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Comments: 57

NikkiSeven In reply to ??? [2011-08-18 03:00:01 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so much for this.

It's a ghost story, though I tried not to make that too obvious as it harmed the flow of the story when I tried to take it in that direction.

I used to survey deserted medieval villages. There are many of them in England. Thousands of them. I always found it a poignant and moving task, because these were once living, vibrant communities, reduced to nothing but undulations of the ground. I always tired to imagine them as they once were, and to think of the long-dead inhabitants.

Requiem, in my mind at least, is part exorcist and part psychopomp, one who shows the dead the way to the next world. What part of the soul survives the journey? Do identity, memory and experience survive, or just the vital spark?

Perhaps I should add a line where Requiem reads the name on the ancient headstone; it is the doctor's.

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Burquette In reply to NikkiSeven [2011-08-18 14:21:36 +0000 UTC]

Wow...I was off on that one! Knowing this, I would go back and give higher marks on originality.

I like it even better now and I'm struck by the amount of space you gave to the reader to leave details up to their imagination. As a rule (and myself in particular) writers often fall into the control-freak trap, needing their readers to see their exact vision and pounding it into their heads.

This is much better because of your restraint.

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NikkiSeven In reply to Burquette [2011-08-18 20:09:59 +0000 UTC]

Maybe I left too much space, if you didn't get it. I thought making it more obvious would be too heavy handed, but there must be a balance somewhere.

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locodela [2012-06-14 14:59:22 +0000 UTC]

'He paused at the farm gates to enjoy the cooler breeze of the hilltop and watch the stars in their slow spiral dance. He patted the pockets of his long frock coat to locate his pipe, and smoked a bowl as he traced the dark line of the hills across the way and the yellow lights of the houses in the village below. A sheep bleated in a nearby field and he was content. Life in the valley was harmonious, a pastoral idyll.'

I loved this paragraph! Don't know why exactly but it kinda resonated with me

Congrats on the DD you deserve it!

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NikkiSeven In reply to locodela [2012-06-15 08:14:45 +0000 UTC]

Thank you. I was remembering night hikes when I wrote that part. I used to do that a lot before I moved to a city.

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locodela In reply to NikkiSeven [2012-06-15 13:51:14 +0000 UTC]

I love walking at night to, thank god I like in the country so I can actually do it safely (except for the occasional psychotic bellowing cow) ^^

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HaveTales-WillTell [2012-03-03 21:21:47 +0000 UTC]

This was music to my eyes. Congrats on the DD feature.

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NikkiSeven In reply to HaveTales-WillTell [2012-03-23 20:19:07 +0000 UTC]

Thank you very much. It was one of my more inspired pieces.

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JustTsuki [2012-02-17 22:13:15 +0000 UTC]

Intriguing
PS Umm sorry, resident nitpicker here XD, but isn't "at a disadvantage"??

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NikkiSeven In reply to JustTsuki [2012-02-18 06:13:29 +0000 UTC]

That's the modern way of saying it. What the doctor says is an archaic way of saying the same thing, I believe. Of course, I could be wrong; I wasn't around back then.

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JustTsuki In reply to NikkiSeven [2012-02-18 23:21:09 +0000 UTC]

Haha cool - sorry, was just wondering

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NikkiSeven In reply to JustTsuki [2012-02-20 13:53:40 +0000 UTC]

No need to apologise - you may well be right.

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shufflng [2012-02-14 06:28:20 +0000 UTC]

I did quite very much like it actually, and somehow the recognition of the theme didn't cause the normal huff of disgust that comes up in me (not that your work should elicit such a response, or that I've ever had such a response to your work before in such a manner --oh my, what a horrid foot to set off on, please allow me to start over).


Somehow, despite how I thought I would feel, the pace of your piece put me at an oddly engulfing sense of peace -perhaps in psychosomatic sympathy to the good doctor smoking a bowl- so much so that when Jazz came across the nameless, ubiquitous Death I felt the pleasant sensation of recognizing an old friend.

Perhaps I'm getting old. Perhaps some themes -such as this one- are just so timeless; so very much a part of what it is to be alive that it's undeniable. There is a certain pattern to these types of pieces, and technically speaking you kept to those patterns with good respect to propriety. The unraveling portion was a familiar scene to me and did its expected dance with an extra purposefulness of pace, allowing me to soak in the details about your characters and about your particular prescription and relationship with the heavy concept you herein have tackled. It seemed expository of you, the artist, your very soul; and while the prose wrapped up there was a sensation of sublimation. I applaud you, humbly and sincerely for your Daily Deviation, which brought this piece to my attention. It isn't often literature is provided the opportunity of such exposure, and in my humble opinion-of-a-poet position not often enough, and you have done the literary community a service in not wasting this opportunity and providing a shining example of how literature can match the more popular and contemporary arts in artistic merit and power.

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NikkiSeven In reply to shufflng [2012-03-23 20:35:50 +0000 UTC]

It's taken me a very long time to reply to your thoughtful comment, largely because it is so thoughtful. I haven't wanted to dismiss the time and effort you put into this with a simple thank-you note. And I haven't had much time for more than a simple thank-you for several weeks.

You're quite right, the theme is nothing new. How many themes are new?

I'm going to break a promise I made to myself when I wrote this, and reveal a little of the thought behind it.

The pilgrim isn't death. He's a psychopomp - one who guides the dead to the afterlife.

Jazz, and the lovely village he lives in, are long gone. They are already dead, yet they cling to the memory of their lives. Jazz's struggle is serious. He wants things to stay as they were, to preserve the very things that made this once-thriving village a place of life.

And the pilgrim weeps because he knows this. He is shutting the book.

Is ther a sense of sublimity in this? I hope so. I have spent many hours surveying deserted, forgotten villages with a theodolite, resistivity meter and magnetometer. Never once have I surveyed such a place without thinking of the people who lived there, walking the traces of the paths they walked long ago, wondering what traces I will leave behind me. And it is a peaceful, perhaps maudlin, feeling to stand there and imagine the homes still standing, the people moving down the tracks, going about their daily business.

And I am always aware that these little collections of grassed-over humps and bumps were communities in a way my children will never really know. The village spirit is dying, or already dead, in the developed world. I'm pleased to say it is thriving in the parts of Africa I've lived in, though - but perhaps even there, its days are numbered.

All tunes must come to an end.

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MisterTurtle [2012-02-14 03:35:09 +0000 UTC]

Everyone died, the end.

That aside, this is just deep and wonderful, truly worthy of a DD.

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NikkiSeven In reply to MisterTurtle [2012-02-17 21:19:16 +0000 UTC]

Thank you very much.

And everybody died long before the story. Except for the Pilgrim.

Everybody died, the beginning.

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MisterTurtle In reply to NikkiSeven [2012-02-17 22:34:56 +0000 UTC]



I need a new reaction face. That one is getting old.

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HonnuArt [2012-02-14 01:56:27 +0000 UTC]

Beautiful. I don't know what to say. It was touching and exciting.

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NikkiSeven In reply to HonnuArt [2012-02-17 20:39:11 +0000 UTC]

It was very exciting to write as well. The story told itself. I don't think I ever got caught up in a rush of inspiration AND was able to write it all down before. Usually I get so caught up in it I don't have the time to type...

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HonnuArt In reply to NikkiSeven [2012-02-17 21:59:00 +0000 UTC]

Well, it turned out great!

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Hiland-Rose [2012-02-14 01:43:54 +0000 UTC]

I caught the musical references right away, an interesting perspective to be sure.... Life moves to the time of music across many genres... only for me the music may change but never really dies... well done!

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NikkiSeven In reply to Hiland-Rose [2012-02-17 20:36:50 +0000 UTC]

Music doesn't die. Tunes and songs do. Though sometimes they get resurrected.

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Hiland-Rose In reply to NikkiSeven [2012-02-18 02:55:30 +0000 UTC]

Food for thought. Well done.

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xlntwtch [2012-02-14 01:41:07 +0000 UTC]

Nothing subtle here that I see, but perhaps you worked subtlety out.
Did you know the line you have one (important) character say is one often used by Terry Pratchett for an (important) character of his? -->"There is no choice." Interesting. And congrats for the DD.

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NikkiSeven In reply to xlntwtch [2012-02-17 19:54:46 +0000 UTC]

I didn't think it was very subtle either. Others disagreed. Or perhaps I should have said cryptic, rather than subtle. Either way, not everyone gets it, but I figured I'd leave it open to interpretation.

I suspect the Pratchett character you mean is Death. Which is close, but not quite.

And thanks.

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xlntwtch In reply to NikkiSeven [2012-02-17 23:46:31 +0000 UTC]

I'm very suprised "Others disagreed" about Pligrim of the Year to Be, but there are always "others" on dA.

Right: Pratchett's Death, who actually says "THERE ARE NO CHOICES" rather frequently.

And you're welcome.

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yellowstream [2012-02-13 23:28:48 +0000 UTC]

This is an AMZING story! It's very rythmic and soothing, like a story you wold read to a young child at bedtime, yet still manages to be semi-creepey and most defienetly sending a message. Great work!

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NikkiSeven In reply to yellowstream [2012-02-17 19:46:58 +0000 UTC]

It is creepy, isn't it? I didn't plan it that way - it just happened spontaneously. Undercurrents and subtexts abound.

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GeminiSolace [2012-02-13 17:14:05 +0000 UTC]

Music and writing go hand in hand, quite literally in this sense. Very nicely done.

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NikkiSeven In reply to GeminiSolace [2012-02-17 19:39:21 +0000 UTC]

Thank you.

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Black-Angel-Dan [2012-02-13 10:51:10 +0000 UTC]

First of all, congrats on the DD, wouldn't've found it another way I believe.

I do like this story, yet somehow the story and the title together seem to stand in an odd combination to me. I am not entirely sure myself how that is or even how to explain it, yet I would've thought of the opposite kind of title, something like "Pilgrim of the Years that went" or so as more fitting... but with the songs, it does make sense.

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NikkiSeven In reply to Black-Angel-Dan [2012-02-17 19:37:30 +0000 UTC]

Thank you. If I get round to a sequel, the title of this may become more clear. I know that isn't the way it's supposed to work, but there you go.

I have thought about explaining the story behind the story, but I've decided to leave that for now. Show, don't tell.

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AlexisLish [2011-09-13 23:33:07 +0000 UTC]

I must admit I scrambled for an explanation throughout this. The weeping of the Reqium resonated within me. It was something "right" and yet I cannot tell you why. Poetic and deep are words I would tag to this piece. But I do want to make a note that it flowed more than you actually planning it out. I can see it all in my head, something the Psyche creates without really giving you reason as to why the images form.

Songs do often weave interesting stories in one's mind. It often produces strange wonders that delight those who have experienced the guidance of songs.

Well Done!

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NikkiSeven In reply to AlexisLish [2011-09-15 20:44:20 +0000 UTC]

Thank you. It still seems a bizarre creation process to me, but I do think it's one of the better things I've written.

I know it's a little obtuse, but hopefully someone reading it will find more in it than I - it's the closest I've come to art writing hopefully it's different for each reader.

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AlexisLish In reply to NikkiSeven [2011-09-20 20:36:06 +0000 UTC]

You know what? I'll ask a friend to read it. She does that insightful babble with EVERYTHING X3 I could relay what you say.

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MetalMagpie [2011-08-24 11:22:27 +0000 UTC]

Very nice little story. I like the slip from the everyday to the surreal, and on to the ending.

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NikkiSeven In reply to MetalMagpie [2011-08-24 11:50:01 +0000 UTC]

Thank you very much. I wanted to try something a little different.

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laurotica [2011-08-23 01:58:03 +0000 UTC]

I'm not sure that I've read something quite like this before. You have created a wonderful atmosphere here, both imaginative and fantastical. Fantasy at its finest, if I do say so

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NikkiSeven In reply to laurotica [2011-08-23 02:16:47 +0000 UTC]

Thank you very much indeed - it's much what I was admiring in your Nautilis stories.

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divine-insect [2011-08-22 20:00:56 +0000 UTC]

Interesting. A nice musical touch and some mystery. Didn't see the ending coming, for sure. Excellent work (as always)

A note, when it says he smoked a bowl it made me think he was getting high instead of taking a few puffs of tobacco or whatever. I don't know if that's just me or something, but yeah.

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NikkiSeven In reply to divine-insect [2011-08-22 22:00:42 +0000 UTC]

Thanks very much - glad you enjoyed it.

And yeah, it's tobacco pipe-smoker's talk. There's a whole jargon that goes with a pipe, but it's common to smoke a bowl or a half-bowl.

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divine-insect In reply to NikkiSeven [2011-08-22 22:06:21 +0000 UTC]

Gotcha

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RavensScar [2011-08-22 14:16:53 +0000 UTC]

This is a really gorgeous piece of work. I love the rhythm of the opening, and the fact your language manages to be poetic, but it never strays into purple prose.

Well done!

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NikkiSeven In reply to RavensScar [2011-08-22 22:02:47 +0000 UTC]

Thanks. I was worried I was getting a little too ornate - I champion plain English - but I allowed myself a few frills, telling myself it was for stylistic purposes. I'm glad it worked.

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RavensScar In reply to NikkiSeven [2011-08-28 11:09:50 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome.

I know what you mean about plain English, but I think there is a place for slightly more elaborate language, if the concept, setting, etc. calls for it. Though I agree it should always be used with caution.

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NikkiSeven In reply to RavensScar [2011-08-28 21:11:16 +0000 UTC]

Yeah - if the basis is plain a few frills won't hurt and can enhance. My main objection is to writing that's all frills and no substance, or where the substance is buried under so many frills it's hard to find it.

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AnonDesu [2011-08-18 23:44:05 +0000 UTC]

Damn interesting.

Not something you see every day. Great blending of music into prose. Just a little off-kilter, and in all the right ways. Magical realist, even. :3

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NikkiSeven In reply to AnonDesu [2011-08-18 23:56:49 +0000 UTC]

Thank you very much - and thanks for favouriting it as well.

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drsheridan [2011-08-18 21:41:34 +0000 UTC]

interesting concept, very creative. you're an excellent writer--great work!

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NikkiSeven In reply to drsheridan [2011-08-18 21:59:59 +0000 UTC]

Word? Typo! I meant work.

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