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RocCenere — What Happens in Kampas: 1
Published: 2013-07-23 07:54:02 +0000 UTC; Views: 992; Favourites: 6; Downloads: 0
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1/8First page: this one!
Next page: Page 2
I mentioned in the comments of fav.me/d6eovny that I had inspired myself to make a comic.
Now, I'm bad at comics for two reasons:
1. Can't panel worth shit.
2. No dedication whatsoever, so it usually gets left and never finished.
This is just a short one, so I'd better fucking finish it. I'm thinking I'll pop up one or two pages a week which gives me plenty of time to finish them.
They're all inked except the last page set (which is a fucking double spread which will kill me.) And the panelling turned out better than I thought it would, but I'll take any comments and critiques I can get.
I won't be changing this comic, but I'll definitely apply them in the future.
Also: cell (ish) shading!
EDIT: With thanks to ~3imad and ~phrenologik for their feedback, unfortunately because the pages are all drawn out already and I'm lazy I can't do much about the mix of traditional and digital that Phrenologik mentioned, but I have fixed the HERPADERP that I did with the first panel. Ark is now facing the right direction. It's supposed to be looking right (it's right, not the reader's) and then turn left when the arm appears.
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Comments: 13
I think you did ok with the paneling! The comic looks exciting, I will nag you if you don't finish it *nod*
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panelling is really hard, but one thing i found really helpful was this - you shouldn't need a smackjeeves account to view it, but if you do, tell me and i'll give you my account info (if you don't have one).
otherwise i'm... not much of a comicker myself. the only critiques i have are art critiques - the incomplete lineart on the figures in the bottom panels, and the mix of traditional inking and digital drawing (not bad, since everyone does it, but they just hide it better, heh. the lining is very rush and easy to see as traditionally inked, so the smooth digital colouring doesn't blend well with it). i guess its kind of a comic crit, since in comics, consistency is really important, and the the reason it is so noticeable to be is because it breaks that flow of consistency.
sorry i couldn't be more helpful, hope that tutorial comes in handy though!
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For the not smooth lineart, I totally make the excuse of being on a plane and having turbulence xD
But I do agree, it would look more technically better being one or the other. I will be aiming to get better pens and better paper if I do this kind of thing again, it would smooth it out.
Thank you for your help! I had a look at that and not only was it really amusing at point (my hand is a sock puppet!) but it was very helpful.
Pain-in the ass how this comic is now already drawn, but I'll look at the comic using this guide and work out precisely how it can improve; anything you can think of would be sick too (:
Thanks brosof!
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sorry to say but your planet voken looks a lot like australia 
that aside
I can see why you say paneling isn't your strong suite, the sequencing of your first and second panel isn't correct at all, unless that white leg was supposed to be invisible
well if you take each panel aside you are really good, but that is to be expected for someone with your artistic levels.
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Hah, see you say that, but that's only from the colour, Australian landscape looks nothing like that structurally. It's actually a bit of a rip off Monument Valley in America and some of the mesas that I saw around Saudi Arabia.
The suddeness of the appearance of the arm is intentional, and you will hopefully understand by the end, if that's what you were referring to. It will make sense, hopefully, in the context of the rest of the pages. Please tell me if it works by the end.
And yeah, that mood should be about right.
D: I hope this works, thank you for your honesty, you are heaps helpful, I need this feedback! (:
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I meant the first one as a joke
I am going to tell you what I see in terms of body language so that you understand why I said the sequence is off a bit (I used the term not correct to be precise) this is only as part of my feedback, no need to take my words in any other way and no need to be defensive about that picture, just an interpretation to what you are drawing.
Anyway, what made me say that is mainly the position of ark in the first panel, it (he/she) was looking to its left, if I were to guess the only thing that makes a character look to his left but remain relax (i.e. sitting down) is if it sees someone from that direction, then in the second panel he didn't change his body much, he remained leaning forward.
Such sequence doesn't make sense to me, if I am going to be anticipating someone from that direction I will either be looking forward at that field instead of that direction, being caught up in the emotion of the place, or I will at least shift to face him.
And now that I look at it deeper I think I realize that he is bipedal, and the reason I just called it a he is because he is looking at the white one's body instead of its head, which I'm going to also assume the white one is female.
So Now she arrives to him but since he is anticipating her, he doesn't shift his forward position in the second panel, he remains motionless in front of her looking at her body... then starts reminiscing.
To put it simply, body language and action don't mix, either he should straighten up a little in the second panel, or look forward in the first panel, and the latter is better than the previous, simply because him looking left kills the anticipation of another coming that way.
That is all I have to say
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Oh man, hahaha, I wasn't being defensive and you totally just pointed out the one thing I forgot to do! I misinterpreted the precise thing you had a problem with. I thought that you referred to the specific fact that the white one seems to suddenly appear only.
I had it written down to make first panel ark face left and not right! And I totally forgot to do that. You are a magnificent person for pointing that out! Thank you massively!
The not looking at the head and rather looking at the body was supposed to be a cultural thing, but eh, let's just call it me being a bit dorky when I drew it. They're gender is dictated by the hormone kevels of their mate, so in this case Ark being a he and the white one a she is correct-ish.
Thanks for all your help. I'll go fix thing!
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You are welcome, glad I was of an assistance
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I'm going to take a wild guess here. I think the white/yellow one isn't really there (KIA, perhaps, as the destroyed Orken Dome tells me a battle of sorts has taken place) and the Ark soldier is just seeing him/her/it beside it (hermaphrodite) the whole time, hence why it doesn't change its body position in the first and second panel. That's my guess at least.
My OCD's not too happy about the panels (I'd at least bring 2 and 3 closer together even just a bit to make the outer boarder a little more even. As for the drawings themselves, the only thing I can think of changing would be slightly thinning the white/yellow creature's outline, especially for the brighter colours. Though now I'm just being picky and am no expert on comics anyway.
Criticisms aside, I'm really looking forward to the rest of this comic! Looks great so far!
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Omg Shay. Shhhh.
Yeah, I'm still learning about panneling, this is very much my first actual comic (by the time I'm actually getting to respond to you, it's more than half way! : D! Yay!)
My reasoning behind giving the white one a thicker line is because it is closer to the reader than Ark. But I'll try and work out why it's looks so derpy (: thanks for your input!
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Looking purely at colors and line arts, there is a lot of skill applied.
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thanks homie! (took a few frustrating hours to get started because we had bitchin' turbulence in the plane.
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