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toxic-nebulae — jamais
Published: 2011-05-04 21:17:10 +0000 UTC; Views: 768; Favourites: 28; Downloads: 5
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Description
the truth, as staunch and without ornamentas I can make it,
is that I did not want your love,
your voice rattling like the hoary whispers
of stars;
your dreams (rustling like cattails
and half-extended to meet mine)
were as foreign to me
as moonlight, concealed
in its various robes.
your sucking fireflies,
neon mothish words meant to draw me in,
flurried uselessly about me.
but now that your attempted eloquence
is more akin to the wick of a lamp,
charred and drowning in oil,
I may vaguely nod my head.
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Comments: 44
Some of the figurative language was quite obscure and difficult to run a parallel the theme of your poem so it was hard to differentiate between the two personae that you respectively like and dislike. I'm not sure if that was an intentional point however because if it was, that would change things...
Very picturesque piece though
'were as foreign to me
as moonlight, concealed
in its various robes.
I loved this simile.
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second stanza is transcendental. Beautifully wrought.
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I'm a sucker for poetry with French titles and a fickle relationships. Very engaging.
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Will you make up your mind!
"drowning in oil"
"fireflies flurried useless about me"
I liked those.
Not sure what the old version was like now though.
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I see no reason to keep myself from making improvements.
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Did you ever get my notes?
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This poem is fascinating psychologically. The protagonist employs a searching test fro her unfortunate suitor. But perhaps there was something for both of them to learn.
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it's always interesting when people know more about my poems than I do
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Or see from a slightly different point of view?
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The imagery is lovely, especially in the last stanza.
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I like this poem a lot, in fact I think it's the most incisive poem I've seen from you recently.
My only quibble, and this is a personal perception, is the line...
'flurried uselessly about my head'
It feels slightly out of sync to me, in both tense and diction.
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Don't give in aka last line.
I'm mystified about the title.
You turn phrases with sarcasm and wit.
It's different, a good skill.
lovespoon
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lol you smart girl.
Good to know you're not giving in, all the way.
lovespoon
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best safety lies in fear
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Caution is a warning, yes.
New challenges are best labeled as a productive risk. You decide if it is fear or productive risk.
Writing a new form poem can be a productive risk, although some fear might be involved.
lovespoon
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we can, I think, all learn something from Hamlet
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Hamlet probably Shakespeare's best play.
lol why would you decline your own poem I wrote 'The Girl Who Knows Books'.
lovespoon
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It's not my decision alone; there are three people who vote on whether or not pieces get accepted, and they need two votes to get in.
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lol.
New picture. I like it.
Don't worry, I like the piece. That's all that matters. The fact many other people love it is a bonus!
What has the witty young talented poet been up too since I was gone?
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poetry and reading and more poetry.
and you?
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Hey Poet!
Twist Text (fun game you unscramble letters to make words), Stickam.com (don't go there) haha atleast not Stickamcaptures.com, focusing on prose stories, networking, networking, networking to sell my website poetry and fiction books (I sell something every month, but I could sell more somehow), and thinking about critical thinking and does it really happen in our world anymore. lol
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all delightful fun.
if it does, it's rare.
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You use critical thinking all the time.
You're rare.
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oh, I know.
not that I'm perfect, of course.
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Critical thinking doesn't imply perfection.
It implies a willingness to decide truly what is true.
It takes courage. It is so easy to not think, go along
with what everyone says is right.
Thinking critically, even if one says nothing, is more valuable than being perfect. Paradox for you.
:teddy;
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exactly. just because you think critically doesn't mean you're always right.
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Good solution to the paradox.
Well done.
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Giving in a bit? Sounds like the stubborn girl's admission...
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