Comments: 7
BROOKLYN73 [2010-06-27 21:25:42 +0000 UTC]
"The captain looks on, shouldering his mighty weapon for all to see. Inscribed on the barrel is an arrow and a passage that reads:THIS END, GOES BOOM!"
i dig this one right here and i cant lie, the fact that its short, keeps me coming back for the next installment. a touch dramatic for my taste, but thats just ME. but i was definitely excited to see what happens next.....
of course, the captain, the one that inspires so much strength and hope....NEEDS to be decapitated first by the horde.
this way we can have some young guy, who doesnt want to be leader, have it thrust upon him. name him something inspiring..RICO, JOHN or leonidas.
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Wezuvius In reply to BROOKLYN73 [2010-06-28 09:43:11 +0000 UTC]
lol that passage is quite integral and important to the story, it shows that the Christian faith is still around, if not slightly altered by time. But its important to the story.
Im glad you liked it, i intentionally wanted to pack a dramatic punch with it, and i feel i did. Im afriad what happens next can only be drawn or seen through moving image, but it involves a lot of fancy heroics and gun fire, as you watch fifty guys tactically take on an army and survive.
NO the captain cannot die in the opening seige, hes integral to it too lol. Plus he's a Vet, hes not just gonna get decapitated by some blue skin looking for some fame out there. In the grand timeline i wrote out of things, this Assault on Abel is just before the screenplay comes in, (the screenplay features an intro detailing what happened and how all this came to be in a very awesome fashion (well awesome in my head at least) with a very clean and slick flash back) To which this assualt is the end of the flashback as the drop ship slams down and you see this captain and his staff pour out. So in terms of story no one knows whats happened to him.
How cliche lol. Funnily enough theres a young guy in another story i posted (well not young but young-ish) who kinda has to do stuff. His name is James lol.
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LittleRed1091 [2010-01-22 21:00:33 +0000 UTC]
Very gripping!!! I hope they'll be more of these short stories!!!!
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