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daughterofthestars β€” Want to Cry

Published: 2009-04-29 16:55:58 +0000 UTC; Views: 2560; Favourites: 136; Downloads: 0
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Description how long has it been since I cried?
i can't remember if i cried
on the day shawntal was so harsh.
but if i did, that was the last time.
a month ago.
it feels like so much longer. i've gotten numb.
the tears threaten but they never spill.
but the pain is still there.
the heartache, the helplessness
the neglect, the guilt
the homesickness, the shame
the lonliness, the seperation
the confusion

i just want to be able to cry again

The above is the way I was feeling yesterday. I feel alot better now. I got the understanding and peace I was striving for, and I finished my last exam with flying colors. I get to see my best friend tomorrow and my family and friends on Friday. I have a feeling that being at home, and feeling safe, I'll finally let the tears go. I tried so hard to cry yesterday, and only got two tears. What happened to the uncontrollable tears of my youth? Have I really gotten that hard-hearted?

It's like I held them back for so long, that now that I want them to flow, they won't.

Like I said, I feel alot better now. I wish I could stay on the computer longer, but my eyes are strained because I've been on it so often, so I'm going to weed my garden or something.

Calligraphy ink on paper
Image belongs to me
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Comments: 25

Sissyke [2012-03-07 21:19:50 +0000 UTC]

Good work

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EvilCheese2 [2009-05-03 06:33:56 +0000 UTC]

I know the feeling DX

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Lone-Angel-08 [2009-05-03 02:54:21 +0000 UTC]

Aww. Beautiful drawing and peom hun. And I'm glad you feel better hun.

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myah5000 [2009-05-02 01:00:25 +0000 UTC]

This reminds me so much of my journal header. Same pose- except mine's a fae.

I don't know. I always love these kind of pieces. Cute is nice and all, but these? They just... touch me, somehow.

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sturmfeuer [2009-04-30 20:03:06 +0000 UTC]

The expression of the image is very good.
I would be happy if I had more self-control and did not cry as easily as I do. But without crying it is hard to relieve oneΒ΄s tension, I think.
I hope you will be fine when you are at home.

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jazzshewolf [2009-04-30 16:42:07 +0000 UTC]

I've forgotten how to cry.
Tears only come in my frustration.
Never in my grief.
I've forgotten how to cry.

^^^^^^^
Me: How did you know in 2.7 seconds that I was crazy?

Psycho: Your eye's.

Me (confused): You said that there optimistic......

Psycho: They are, normal people's eye's aren't. Only crazy people have optimism in their eyes, crazy people and children.

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iWaterbender [2009-04-30 00:28:10 +0000 UTC]

This is touching. When I cry, my dad talks trash to me and laughs. It hurts. I rarely try to cry, but I cry about things that are improtant to me. Last year, a horse that was very special to me passed away, and I still shed tears over her. She was very important to me.

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daughterofthestars In reply to iWaterbender [2009-04-30 00:50:11 +0000 UTC]

I always hated when I got in trouble, which would make me cry, and then my dad would tell me to stop crying. I think it made him feel guilty when I cried, but I always got so frustrated and it just made me cry more.

I've had to deal with alot of disappointment and missing people I love since I moved away from home. I learned how to take disappointment or rebuke and learn from it instead of break down. But I went so far as to feel guilty when I got upset enough with myself to cry, but then didn't change. I almost felt like I didn't have the right to cry. Now I can cry at all, and I just want to be home with my family and friends, so that I can let it all out where I feel safe.

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iWaterbender In reply to daughterofthestars [2009-04-30 20:38:41 +0000 UTC]

Keep drawing. Sounds crazy, but I think drawing and painting relieves stress and easily puts emotions and pain and happiness on paper. Alot of my drawings lately have been of worry, but I haven't put them on DEvART. idk, maybe i should or not.

But don't ignore your emotions, like I did for the longest time. I've realized it will only hurt worst. Write, draw, enjoy nature, pet a dog, throw plastic objects at people lol, it all helps me relieve stress.

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daughterofthestars In reply to iWaterbender [2009-05-01 16:01:42 +0000 UTC]

XD Plastic objects... I'll try that.

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SuperSilkie [2009-04-29 21:55:27 +0000 UTC]

Wow...this is amazing This is how I felt the other day actually after prom. I was horribly sad, realizing that my school year was coming to an end, and I wouldn't see my friends like I use to anymore. The emotion to cry was there, but i didn't. Then randomly on my way home, I just cried. like really cried. Probably not the safest thing to do in the middle of the night on the highway, but yeah.

beautiful pic...-instant fave-

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Leona629 [2009-04-29 20:18:41 +0000 UTC]

I can completely relate.

Glad that you're doing better. I do so love getting it all out on paper. Probably better therapy than paying someone to listen to you.

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daughterofthestars In reply to Leona629 [2009-04-29 20:26:37 +0000 UTC]

Totally. And we get nice art to keep for afterwards, as well. XD

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Leona629 In reply to daughterofthestars [2009-04-30 00:01:28 +0000 UTC]

Agreed!

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SomersetRaven [2009-04-29 19:37:54 +0000 UTC]

This is a lovely emotional picture even without knowing the reason behind it, but knowing how you felt just makes it even more so.

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SilverFlameWanderer [2009-04-29 18:20:23 +0000 UTC]

I usually have the opposite problem, but I know someone who is unable to cry, and I see how it affects them. But you're not hard-hearted--just weathered by the world.

Much love to you, Kate, and enjoy your time with friends and family

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daughterofthestars In reply to SilverFlameWanderer [2009-04-29 18:22:18 +0000 UTC]

Thanks, Silver.

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Poriina [2009-04-29 18:20:09 +0000 UTC]

Man, I always try to draw something like this + humans, and I never success as much as you do.

<3 :c

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daughterofthestars In reply to Poriina [2009-04-29 18:22:34 +0000 UTC]

Ah, but you do just as well with canines.

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FinaLo [2009-04-29 17:44:31 +0000 UTC]

I'm going to fav this.I feel also really bad right now,my dog passed away yesterday.I don't know if I will get through this.

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daughterofthestars In reply to FinaLo [2009-04-29 18:22:58 +0000 UTC]

You will. And you'll be stronger for it. Embrace the pain, and then let it go.

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FinaLo In reply to daughterofthestars [2009-05-02 07:09:07 +0000 UTC]

Thank you.

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summerxstars [2009-04-29 17:22:28 +0000 UTC]

I am glad that you are feeling better now. I know the feeling. You just want to but you cant. When I was in reg school it happened more often.

Anyway I love the picture, I just love the shading and the position of the girl. Awesome

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medieval-pirate [2009-04-29 17:05:50 +0000 UTC]

ow, that makes me want to cry too. but glad to hear you're doing better. love the picture.

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medieval-pirate [2009-04-29 17:05:07 +0000 UTC]

ow, that makes me want to cry too. but glad to hear you're doing better. love the picture.

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